I think I am becoming a little superstitious...

I don't know about you, but when I hear about sports players having superstitious rituals they go through to "help" them win a game I roll my eyes and laugh a little bit. Will not washing your socks for an entire season really help you to win games?  Will a certain song that you listen to, behavioral routine, or food make that much of a difference?

Well, I am starting to realize that I must think the same way...

When one has a child who still will not consistently sleep through the night after six years one comes to try about anything just to get.some.sleep!

His sleeping patterns last, usually, a few days to a week. Then they switch up. For no apparent reason. the longest he has consistently slept through the night in 6 years was 3 weeks. I think he has done that a few times. So I am constantly trying to find that one variable, or combination of variables that will get me some hours of sleep without being woke up. 6.5 hours of sleep is about the sweet zone for me. If I consistently get less then that it is bad. But 6.5 hours is doable.

One big change with him is that he is finally going to sleep closer to 10:30/11:00 than midnight or later. I am very thankful for that. EO's work, so we keep doing that. Oil that kid's feet up! One combination did not work but this one does. I WILL NOT run out of this combination!

Then the Body Butter that I made with Lavender in it. I rub his whole body down in it every night, plus the other EO's. He has slept through the night every night since I started that so we are sticking with it! That has been 5 days I think.

For awhile taking a hot shower at night worked. So we went with that.

For awhile a bubble bath at night worked so we went with that.

For awhile a certain bedtime snack seemed to work.

Snuggling with a certain blanket.

Snuggling with a certain blanket just out of the dryer.

Snuggling with certain pillows in our bed with a blanket just out of the dryer while slathered with EO's after reading his choice of a bedtime story and having his chew toy to chomp on.

Do you get the picture? I have never had to work this hard to get a child to sleep!

I have tried the last few days (this is not the first time we have tried this) to encourage him to sleep in his own room. Three nights ago he fell asleep quickly in a pile of blankets I made up for him on his floor because he refused to sleep in his bed and he didn't want me anywhere near him. Two nights ago it took him over an hour to fall asleep and he was all over the place. Last night he insisted he be back in my bed until he fell asleep and was plastered up against my side to ensure himself that I was RIGHT THERE with him.

Getting him to sleep is only 1/2 the battle. He will eventually fall asleep. It is the middle of the night wakening that is hardest for me. When he falls asleep in our bed at night (360 out of 365 nights a year), I carry him to his bed and then try to get as much sleep as I can before he wakes up. He stays asleep. BUT, if he wakes in the night, crawls in bed with us, falls asleep, and I carry him back to his bed? He will wake up within minutes every.single.time. When he crawls in our bed at night he actually will lay there between us and put a hand on both of us to make sure that we are there (if he is not plastered against my side trying to get as close as possible).

So I have given up with trying to put him back to bed after he wakes in the night. It isn't so bad if he makes it to 6:30 (which he did for awhile the beginning of this month). But then he switched to 3:30....uggg...  Once I wake in the night I have a terrible time getting back to sleep - and knowing he is in there makes it worse. JJ is a lot like me, we take forever to fall asleep, unlike my husband who falls asleep within 3.6 seconds from laying his head on the pillow. Wish I could do that lol!

Of course, when he does sleep through the night in his own bed it takes me several nights to adjust to not waking at 3:30 or 6:30 and waiting for him to come in.

So this morning I decided, I am just going to let the kid be. Of all of the issues that we deal with with him (although he is maturing very, very well!!), does it really matter where he sleeps?  He won't still be doing this when he is 20 (he WILL NOT!) so I am just going to let him figure it out when he figures it out. He stopped wetting at night by himself this summer. No special cajoling or sticker charts or whatever. He just stopped. So eventually he will just stop waking in the night too:)  He will, I promise myself all the time, he will!!

One thing that he asks for as part of the routine every single night is "please pray that I don't have bad dreams" then he follows my prayer up with his own:) So, whatever EO's, bath rituals, back scratching vs back rubbing rituals, whatever bed he falls asleep in, whatever snack he decides on, and whatever time that he eventually falls asleep and wakes up...I know that JJ trusts that God will protect him when he goes to sleep. JJ knows that he is safe. JJ knows that when he doesn't feel safe he can come to us and we will make him safe. JJ knows without a doubt that we have his back and God has his back.

...and that is worth all of the sleep I have ever lost. Even if I do keep trying to find the "sweet spot" of superstitious ritual to try to eek out a little more sleep;)

Resolution: Week 11 of 12...ALMOST DONE!

I haven't decided what I am going to do when I am done with my resolution next Saturday. I am just happy that I made it this far lol!

Work out: I did 4 days this week - Su, T, Fri, and Sat. I was supposed to work out on Wednesday but Tuesday my back started hurting me badly and it wasn't really better until Thursday. Wednesday morning I had that familiar sharp pain when bending over to wash my hands in the sink and I admit I went into a bit of a panic thinking I was going back to square one. But, just like when it was sore after Life Light, I was back to pain freeish within a day or two. I know that is the benefit of these workouts and I am thankful for that:)

Clean Eating: I ate out a couple of times this week. I even splurged and ate home made french toast, waffles, and pizza (justifying that home made was better than processed store bought;)   I have not lost as much weight as I wanted during this 12 weeks, but I am eating healthier and smaller portions (and not finishing JJ's meals). I, however, was very pleasantly surprised last week. The middle of last winter I switched to wearing skirts for work with elastic waists because I...needed to. But when it got cold last week and I tried on my old dress pants I found that they were actually loose!  So, I figure I have dropped at least one size regardless of the actual weight on the scale. I am good with that since it means I don't have to buy new (larger) clothes. Yay!

Bible Time and family prayer: doing much better than at the beginning of this resolution and I guess that is the point of a resolution!

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General Life:  We had a couple of difficult days with JJ. He has been great the past few days. I think we figured out what the issues were (his sleep had been off and we are thinking there are more food sensitivity issues that we are trying to figure out how to go about resolving). So, I am glad that it seems better. 

He also lost electronics for 4 days straight due to his behavior which means that the only electronic he gets to do is ABCMouse.com for school. He is whipping through that quickly since he can't have tv or video games and is desperate for something to do lol! The kids are also making big lego cities:)

Grace has been doing pretty well. Mornings and bedtime are the worse times of the day for her. We implemented some strict changes a couple of weeks ago and it seems to be helping. Part of it involves that for any of her back talking/venomous talking she goes to bed early. So...most nights she goes to bed early which is a win/win for her and us (her for more sleep and us for not having to deal with the venom). She is doing ok in school. She will actually, for the FIRST time since she has been in school, letting us do home work with her. That is such a huge, huge, HUGE improvement!

Superman and Faith seem to be doing fairly well at school. There have been some adjustments but they seem to be adjusting instead of fighting it. That is a blessing. It is a HUGE blessing to my husband. Home schooling them with the attitudes against authority we were dealing with was just not going well. We are confident we made the right decision to send them to the Christian school this year:)

I just want to brag up my husband again. He is such a good man. I think of all of the sacrifices that we make to put our children first. My working long hours and him staying home and doing EVERYTHING else. His responsibilities make my head spin and I know I don't even really know half of what he does. Sometimes it feels like the kids do not really appreciate what we do for them (not an uncommon problem, I know). So it makes me so happy that our kids, especially our teenagers, actually WANT to spend time with their dad. So many dads seem to be in the background but our kids really do like their dad. If I was the stay at home parent I don't know if that similar statement would be true about me lol! Today my husband took the teenagers to a movie while I am home with the 4 youngest. I am so thankful that the 3 of them like to spend time together and genuinely enjoy one another. Not all 16 and 19 year olds like being with their parents. Yet, Beautiful still comes over often when her husband is at work (since his job is in Ag he is now on a 12 hour day 6 days a week schedule so we see her even more;). And our 16 year old isn't busting the door down to get away. Home school co-op started on Thursday and it is an hour drive each way. I had such a great time having those two hours in the car uninterrupted with him to talk about meaningful topics (like Biblical Marriage, politics, and the difference between earned respect and mandatory respect). JJ was with us but he tends to be quiet in the car:)  I love our teenagers and am enjoying it while we can because there is certainly no guarantee that all 6 of them will still like us through those years;)

Finally, I am setting some better boundaries with work/outside commitments so my stress level has diminished a little. I was really, really worried what would happen when co-op started, but it was ok (aside from the massive migraine I had when I got home that thankfully a nap took care of). I have had 2 full days home without having to leave the house (my ideal days lol!) I have gotten a lot of cleaning, organizing, cooking, and relaxing done. I am thankful for these "reset" days:)

But...we are looking at doing a desperately needed kitchen remodel so I will have to work more to pay for that. But it is all good:) We were considering an addition but I think now that we will just take out a wall, add a wall, and do other internal major changes to lower the overall cost but make the kitchen and pantry better able to accommodate our large family! When everything is bought in bulk including 25 and 50 lb bags of staple dry goods it takes a lot of space to store it. Right now we have food items stored throughout the house and it would be nice to streamline and get to use the other areas of the house for their original intent;) We were going to wait a few years, but I think we are going to try to swing it sooner.

And, hey, we just bought another dishwasher since our last one died this week so that is a good start, right?  lol!

My Crazy Life (the last 24 hours)

Or perhaps a better title is My Crazy Youngest Son...

Or even better...My Youngest Son Who Drives Me Crazy

Yeah, I think that is best.

Most of the time JJ is getting much better with his tantrums. Most of the time we can get him to comply. But most of the time is not all of the time. And unfortunately there is no guarantee that it won't happen in public.

Is it a terrible thing that one would sometimes secretly be thankful that they are the one who works long days while the spouse has to deal with the children? Not that I would have any idea about that. at all...ummmm. moving on...

So yesterday our adorable youngest son decided that 6:30 a.m. was an appropriate time to be awake for the day. Since that is well over 2 hours earlier than usual we knew it would not be a good thing. When I got home from work last night at 8:30 my husband was on edge. Like, really wound tight. Beautiful came over to watch DWTS with us and we headed to bed. Thankfully JJ (and my husband) fell asleep very quickly before 11. JJ had alluded to some kind of trouble making but I didn't really understand what he was saying except that he lost his electronics.

This morning my husband informs me (as I am looking at Superman's swollen lip) that the boys were playing Hulk or some such thing, JJ threw something and it hit Superman's lip. Yeah...

He then tells me that we somehow had 3 extra kids at the house and something did not go well with that situation...

Finally, Buddy informs me (in a not very happy at all way) that JJ had gone onto the WII U yesterday and enabled the parental pass code. Of course not having any idea what the password was that he put in. Because, of course, he cannot read at all and he just pushes buttons and messes around until "something" happens that he wants to have happen. Or something happens he thinks is cool. or whatever.  (thankfully some texts with my amazingly awesome brother this morning led me in the right direction of how to fix that although I have yet to attempt to follow the directions).

So...At 8:30 this morning I dress a sleeping JJ and put him in the car as my husband, Buddy, JJ, and I all had dentist appointments this morning. He woke up when we got there and did well for his VERY FIRST DENTIST APPOINTMENT!!!  Woo Hoo!  Only Buddy had cavities out of the 7 of us this year:)

I then went to my eye appointment (I need reading glasses :(   Buddy thinks it is funny...  I am hoping it helps with my increasingly frequent headaches.

Then we chose to go out to eat. What.were.we.thinking?  We had the 2 pickiest eaters with us so we stopped to get a pizza for Buddy, Chinese for JJ, and we went to the Mexican restaurant (I have REALLY been wanting their guacamole). Bad idea. JJ was just too wound up from sitting at the dentist office for 2 hours and early mornings 2 days in a row (tomorrow is our first day of home school co-op. I am already anticipating bad, bad things...). Half way through the meal JJ jabbed his straw through the Styrofoam glass and got water everywhere. I was laughing hysterically but my husband did not think it was funny.  I then took him to the restroom (saying "hi" to several people I knew) then JJ headed to the front door where there are the $.25 gumballs and stickers to buy. I said "no."  Repeatedly. He decided "no" was not the response he wanted and let anyone in listening distance know that. Repeatedly. I finally got my hands on him in a way that he wasn't grabbing the items and the door so I could get him out the door.  I kept hoping that no one would call DHHS on me. I kept very calm. Finally I got him to the car where Buddy was sitting. After informing JJ of all of things he was grounded from and for how long I informed him I was going back to get my food.  I realized I would have to walk past all of the people who just saw me walk out with him (during the busy lunch hour).

At that point I realized that I wasn't embarrassed. Nope. I was a little surprised by that and then realized that God must have given me my children to embarrass me to the point that I won't even feel embarrassment anymore. Well God, it is working:)  Please don't up the ante though...please?

Resolution: 10 of 12

This was over all a much better week.  Yay me!

Exercised 5 days this week at the level 4 and today I finally was able to do almost all of the exercises exactly the way she says to do them.  This level.is.hard.

Eating, eh, portion control but eating what the family eats as I am not putting the effort into separate meals. So, they are higher in carbs.

Bible reading and family prayer: going better.

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Last week was really hard on me. This week was better. I have had more energy and felt more hopeful. I even engaged in a couple of "extra" activities this week that I committed to and they went ok:)  

Thursday I listened to more of the EMDR conference I went to. They recorded all of the sessions and I had until tomorrow to watch the ones that I wanted to see but didn't get to (it was hard to decide between various breakout sessions when they were all so good!).  So I watched another 6 hours of conference after I worked only 1/2 a day. There was one by Dr. Gabor Mate that was excellent. I will be purchasing his books. He is a physician who supports the benefits of EMDR. The conference I watched on Thursday was "When the Body Says No." He speaks a lot about the connection between stress and disease (and addictions) - how stress on the body leads to disease in the body. It really hit home for me and has made me think about my own need to be better at creating boundaries so that I can continue to function well. Many of his talks are on youtube if you want to look him up. He was born in Hungary in 1944 - during Hitler's reign and his discussion of how that experience affected/s him/his family/etc is fascinating. He is a very personable speaker who does not follow a set rigid power point which drove me crazy during the first session, but then I came to really appreciate his wisdom and stopped worrying if he was following a set outline or not. I am such an "in the box" thinker. Sheesh. I greatly appreciate his "outside the box" ness. 

Anyway, it was a good reminder of how I need to streamline, say "no" more, focus on what matters and let the rest go until there are fewer children in the house, etc. Somehow this is going to have to affect my work schedule. And will have me delegating even more to my husband. But it is all good:)

I was having a pretty tough issue lately that was negatively affecting an important relationship in my life. I knew it was my issue and even knew what some of the triggers were so I did EMDR. I am happy that the situation has arisen several times since then and I did not respond irrationally/overly emotionally. Have I mentioned the excellent healing benefits of EMDR?  ;)

Yesterday I got some cleaning done and made a quadruple batch of banana bread.Today I made homemade salsa, a double batch of taco casserole, crescent rolls, 19 quarts of spaghetti sauce (and canned it), puppy chow, and home made bread. And did ALL of the dishes. All before 1/2 time of the football game (that we thankfully won!). My back was killing me from all of the standing so I let myself stop at 1/2 time. We had an activity that I really wanted to go to tonight but I knew that my body just wasn't going to let me so we didn't go. I am ok with that. I say "no" to a lot of social opportunities and while I know that doesn't let me connect with my friends, the reality is that right now my life is at home and work. Friendships are what have been put on the back burner for years now and I just have to be ok with that. Maybe when the kids are all gone we will find a few couples to travel the world with;) Or maybe my husband and I will just travel the world with each other. Or spend it attending grand kid activities. I suspect that we will have a grandchild or two to dote on in our empty nest years;)

 

Resolution: 9 of 12

Exercise: only 3 times this week. We were gone last weekend through Monday afternoon at an outdoor Christian music festival. It was a good time for the family:) But between that and my work I only was able to work out Th, Fri, and Sat. Saturday I started the Level 4 workout. Ouch. I also had a migraine T - Th so that slowed me down.

Eating: obviously not as good with being gone for the weekend. At least the very high prices (like $25 for a pizza) kept me from buying junk food at the festival lol!

Prayer and Bible reading: ok

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Mostly I am at a point where I am stretched extremely thin. I notice that when I am at this level of stress and being overwhelmed I retreat into myself and become "fine." I have committed to extra responsibilities over the next 2 months that haven't even started yet. And when that it done it is hunting season. I know that sounds silly, but in this house it is not. My husband is an amazing husband and stay at home father and home schooling father...but I know that Nov and Dec (and part of January) it is my turn to pull the weight that he pulls the other 9.5 months of the year (he is already gone hunting a couple of days a week. It will get really intense in November). My job is getting busier, I don't know what is happening in my family much anymore and in an attempt to rectify that I committed to some home school responsibilities for Co-op that I am not sure I can adequately meet (obviously all of the other teachers are SAHM's while I work full time hours), and I have added extra work responsibilities that are an incredible honor to have been asked to perform but will involve time to attend and time to prepare for several presentations. None of this is bad (except that my house is a wreck and I am out of touch with what my kids are doing). I am delighted to be a part of all of it. But right now I am...in survival mode. Which is probably why my migraines have worsened:(  I am so thankful that my husband and my accountability partner are my "Aaron" and "Hur" right now. I am seeking to serve God and know this is just a busy season. I am thankful that God has placed people around me to sustain me as I keep moving forward:) So, I will keep on with the exercising knowing that I feel better by doing it and it will help me to continue to serve the way I do, but I will admit that I am having to really talk myself into working out now whereas before I enjoyed it. I guess that is normal though lol!

Resolution: Eight of Twelve

Everything is pretty much the same. That is good and discouraging...

But, I must add, I had forgotten what simple freedom there is in simply bending over without pain!!!!!  In fact, I am having to relearn my posture when standing and when bending over now. For 8 years I have adjusted how I stand, bend, twist, vacuum, sweep, do dishes, wash my hands, etc. just to do it with minimal pain. Now I have to try to rethink all of my motions to make sure that I am using the right posture, because my old way no longer serves its purpose of decreasing pain.

Even though the pain is not completely gone, it is much better than it has been in almost a decade. I need to remember that when I am discouraged. I need to remember that when I don't really want to get up early and get the work out in before I start my day (I know myself, if I don't do it first thing it will not get done). I need to remember that when I started this the #1 reason was to strengthen my back and that appear to be happening, so that is a win:)

Resolution: Seven of Twelve Weeks

Exercising: I worked out 5 days this week. Still no more weight loss:( Today I started up at the next level. I groaned when I started the 2nd DVD and discovered that there are not THREE levels to this...there are FOUR!!!!  Ugggg.  So...I guess it is just slow torture lol!

Clean Eating: Right now I have cleaned up my eating a lot (essentially no unhealthy snacks and decreasing carbs in meals), moved back to eating more or less what the family is eating but in smaller portions, and have continued to eat a lot of fruit. However, today I did make chocolate chip cookies and ate...4.

Bible Reading: Making good progress.

Prayer: going well.

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This has been yet another very hard week. Tons of work hours that are extra - most of them not involving payment. For example, I am sitting in a simulcast conference yesterday, today, and tomorrow from 8:30 - 5:30 each day learning more about EMDR with different populations thankfully from the comfort of my own home. That meant that I could not take Superman and Faith to their first day of school at the Christian school they now attend. And my husband has morning carpool to the public school where Grace attends at the same time (we do afternoon carpooling after school from the Christian school) so could not go. So...we took pictures here at home (my camera WILL NOT let me download those pictures:(    and sent them with the carpool. Then we found out that every single other parent was there and they did a little ceremony. Our kids were the only ones without a parent there and I feel terrible about it. But we did not know. And we had originally planned to be gone for this weekend attending this conference in person and would have really missed out...but...

I am reminded a lot lately of the many sacrifices that my family makes for me to work...and the many sacrifices that I make working for our family. It is heavy on my heart but it is our reality so I will just keep giving it to Jesus. My husband is such a saint. He has worked hard to keep the kids occupied so I have quiet for this conference. Today he took the kids to Scheels Customer Appreciation Day (big sacrifice for him;) and tomorrow he will have to teach Sunday School by himself (Beautiful will help) and corral the kids for the church picnic at the park afterwards. He does this all without complaint. He is a good, good man. I am infinitely blessed by him. If any of you are stay at home parents please know how much you bless your spouse when you do not complain about schedules changing up and emergencies coming up. And I pray your spouses make it up to you however you need (my husband is frequently reminding me that hunting season starts next week and Friday's are now his to go get his R and R (e.g. kill animals ;)

I am thankful for a Sovereign God in the chaos of this sin filled world:)