Reflections on being a Grandma of 2!!!!

Back in July, the day before our 24th anniversary, we were blessed with a grandson. Our granddaughter loves her baby brother, but with her not being two until next month she is loving him in her 1 year old way. It is sweet, fun, and keeps our daughter on her toes!!

I have been thinking about what kind of a grandma that I tend to be and want to be. With our daughter living so close it can be tempting to step in and try to take over. Well, and my personality is one of wanting to...offer advice. I have had to be intentional about how to be a mom to an adult married daughter without crossing boundaries. We have had to redefine our relationship while building a relationship with our son in law and respecting his authority as the head of their home. Then our granddaughter was born and I had to make sure that I was juggling the lines of being available to help our daughter, encouraging our daughter to be independent, and getting to know this new little person who is such a joy! With Bella I found that I wanted to help take care of her because I adore her, but more than that so I can be a help to my daughter. I want to make her life easier.

Now with her having 2 kids under 2? I really want to help as much as I can. That has been a struggle with the issues with Grace...but I am not going to get into that here.

Our grandson has been more laid back than Bella was as an infant, so I am thankful for that blessing for our daughter:) Bella is such an empathetic helper. Teaching her "how" to help is the issue rather than teaching her "to" help. It is such a blessing to see the fruits of our daughter's loving parenting of her children:) We are still trying to help as much as we can. Sometimes we go a week without seeing them. Sometimes we get to see them several times a week. I am so thankful for the blessing of them living close and we can help them out. In an effort to respect their own lives I find that I am trying to stop and think twice about any advice or suggestions I give - stopping to assess if I am taking over. When I tell my daughter "you are a married adult and their mom so do what you think is best, you don't need my approval" I want to actually mean it!

So there is the balance of parenting an adult married child, but what kind of grandma do I want to be? As I have reflected back about my own grandmothers I have been struck by the fact that my grandmothers were both very very different people. My paternal grandmother was very matter of fact and her interactions with me were mostly about what she could teach me (she was a teacher back in the day of one room school houses and as soon as a teacher married they could not teach anymore-- much to her disgruntlement). Most of those lessons had to do with food as I recall lol! Like how to make a tuna fish sandwich and have it out to the field at exactly 4:00 p.m. so my dad and grandpa could have their break with minimal disruption to the farming. Or how to keep the butter wrappers in the fridge for the next time one had to grease a pan so there was no waste of the butter that was left on the wrapping. Or how to cut 1/2 of the edge of a plastic lid to use as a scraper from a bowl (rather than using a spatula). It is odd that I don't really remember eating much of her food, except for rice krispie bars or scalloped potatoes lol.

Anyway, my maternal grandmother was very different. I remember her being all about hugs, rocking, a soft soothing voice, calming me when I was scared or anxious (which I was a lot), holding me in a blanket while watching fireworks, and delicious food that I got to eat. And the extended family picnics at the park!!! I don't think I ever cooked with her, but I remember her introducing me to Kix for the first time lol! Bacon and eggs for breakfasts. Hot delicious homemade dinner rolls that would be cooling on the counter and I would sneak MANY off to eat (I was too short to even see the counter - I would just grab and eat what I could reach lol!). I never remember her telling me no more. Homemade noodles for chicken noodle soup. Big meals. And Lefse. The one food that, as an adult when I asked, she taught me how to make and I have taught my children to make.

It is ironic to me that I am my paternal grandmother with my children but my maternal grandmother with my grand kids. That is particularly noticeable when 5 of our 6 kids still live in our house and they point out the discrepancies lol! I have talked to my parents and my aunts about the differences in how I see my grandmothers and how they were as parents and there were definitely differences with them too, so I know I am not the only one who treats the grand kids with a softer touch;)

I have wondered why I do that. It is not like I have more time on my hands or am an empty nester craving the companionship of a child - I still have 5 kids at home! I think part of it is getting to focus on the joy of a child without the responsibility of the outcome;) However, the discrepancy is also making me focus more on trying to have more fun times with our kids. Our home has been so difficult for so long that I have hunkered down into survival mode and focused on just doing the next thing. Joy has not been a part of our life for a long time. Therefore, I am thankful for how the grand kids bring laughter and joy,  and the reminder to lighten up a little. I want my grand kids AND my kids to remember that I taught them essentials about life alongside the joy, silliness, smiles, and laughter.

Well, I had better go get the cookies out of the oven. I have already made more cookies for my 23 month old granddaughter than I have ever made for any of the other kids lol!!

Thanksgiving Traditions

Our family enjoy tradition, like most families do. Thanksgiving really marks the beginning of the Christmas season in our family. I am bummed that blogger is not uploading my pictures to show you some of the adorable pics that we got of the kids this year. We made lefse yesterday and Beautiful had lots of fun being the "Flour Queen." This, of course, means that there is a huge mess for me to clean up afterwards...but the kids have a blast:) Today we set up the Christmas Tree. I have been pondering lately how well I know my children. It is amazing how long you can live in close proximity with people and not really know them. I have been trying to "study" my children lately and really know their personalities. I watched them put up the tree and had fun learning more about them.

Beautiful - she really didn't care about putting up the tree at all. She just wanted to have Christmas music on to sing and dance around. Yep, 14 year old girl:)

Buddy - he really wanted the tree up. I was in the middle of trying to get paperwork caught up and he had that tree up before I got done. He was all about getting the lefse going too. He is all about "this is how it is supposed to be so get it checked off the list." I worry sometimes that he doesn't enjoy process, just completion. But, alas, he is just like his mother...sigh...

Superman - he loved watching the ornaments go on the tree. He is very sentimental about the things that have been given to him and they are dear to his heart. I'm sure that has something to do with having nothing from the first 3 years of his life - and being able to remember that he has nothing to remember those years by. All day he couldn't wait to put the ornament on the tree that made last year in preschool.

Grace - she was totally taken in by the excitement and the sparkling lights, tinsel, and ornaments. She was insistent about "helping." Of course, she was singing and dancing with her big sister!

Faith - she was more willing to watch the process and be a part of it. Singing and dancing is also a big part of how she experiences life and she belted out Christmas songs with the rest of us.

JJ - He just could not (and can not) get enough of the ornaments. He wants to be right there in the tree touching and exploring this new sight! He is very, very curious:)

I was thinking last night as I was playing the piano with my family gathered around singing Christmas Carols about the many things of which I am thankful. I am so glad that my Grandparents paid for me to take piano lessons, for my parents making me keep taking piano lessons, for my wonderful piano teacher, and for the gift of a piano as a wedding gift from a dear friend. I am so thankful that all of my family WANTS to stand around the piano and sing. I am blessed by a cohesive family unit that, despite time constraints, varied personalities, and plenty of us to go around, we actually want to spend time together:) I love our family:)

State Fair!

State Fair highlights!!!! Superman and Faith entered a cinnamon roll eating contest...Superman WON!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He was so excited and won some neat prizes:) He has always liked to eat fast and we usually have to slow him down...it came in handy today lol!
I just hope Miss Grace continues to like being in the FRONT seat of the police car lol!
We enjoyed the Jeremy Camp concert. JJ and I stood in the back and he walked around charming all of the people walking by:)
Buddy enjoyed the John Deere booth the best...boys and their toys!!

We enjoyed our time at the State Fair yesterday and getting to know some new friends better whom Beautiful will play Basketball with this year on a home school team. There were only two downsides...
1) We had not put tennis shoes on the kids since May - yep - they have grown! Faith was so uncomfortable 1/2 way through the day:( We need to buy new shoes lol!

2) The kids loved the "walking tree" last year. This year were "walking vines." The girls have talked about it for weeks and all day yesterday they asked and asked where they were. Beautiful saw them as she was walking around with her friends but despite our best efforts the rest of us couldn't find them.

Oh...and...Buddy got a PURPLE on his shoulder mount white tail deer mount:)

Good family memories:)