When Faith petitioned to come home from the residential program in December she agreed to 3 behaviors that "if you do those you will go right back." She, unfortunately, chose to engage in 2 of them - repeatedly.
So, Monday we readmitted her back to the program. Today is her 15th birthday. We celebrated last week to be sure we sent her off knowing she was loved and important to us. She spent her 14th birthday there too and we had wanted to make this birthday special. Given the way the program works she will in all probability spend her 16th birthday there too...
That makes me so sad. It makes me sad she knows what she needs to do. She can say what she needs to do. She can do what she needs to do when she is closely monitored and watched.
But she does not want to do the things she needs to do.
I have realized that I want her success more than she wants her success. I want her here more than she wants to be here. I want her a part of us more than she wants to be a part of us.
And I cannot want someone into making change. So, we made the hard decision, again, and here we are, again, on her birthday praying that she would submit to authority, to God, and to be willing to "look in the mirror" and see her own areas she needs to change instead of insisting that it is everyone else's fault.
Prayers for her salvation and convicted heart change are appreciated...
I am disappointed but not crushed like last time we sent her. I am learning to accept that I cannot move pieces on the chess board so to speak to get her to have a heart change. It is between her and God. Last night we had a phone call with her and all she did the whole call was complain about how other people were not doing what they should be doing. When we challenged her role in similar choices she just refused to talk to us. She is where she needs to be. We are trusting God with her future:)
