Nightmares, Migraines, Adoption Issues, and a Big Answer to Prayer:)

Nightmares:
As I have talked about ad nauseaum, JJ is not a good sleeper. At age 6 1/2 he still does not sleep through the night consistently. He falls asleep between 11 and 12. He needs me holding him, at least right next to him, to fall asleep. The nights he falls asleep in my arms are the nights he falls asleep in under 30 minutes instead of in 2 hours. And there is no rhyme or reason why some nights he makes it all night long and some nights he is back in our bed frantic to be plastered against my side within an hour of me carrying him to his own bed. We have tried all kinds of things, nothing works, and at this point I just go with it.

One thing that he does talk about a lot is having nightmares. He won't tell us what they are about so I have been thinking that he has been using that as an excuse. He has asked for over a year for us to pray for him at bedtime "so I won't have bad dreams." Then he accuses me of not praying "right" and asks "why don't your prayers work?" when he says he continues to have bad dreams. He even has Beautiful pray for him the nights she is still here that late as an extra layer against "bad dreams" (since mine don't work;) Again, I have thought over time that this is an excuse to just not want to sleep by himself...

...but last week I had to wake him in the morning to get to an appointment (otherwise I would never wake him - that is a nightmare for both of us...). He was still in his own bed. I will never forget the look of utter shock on his face when he first opened up his eyes and when he blurted out, "I didn't have any bad dreams?!?!" So, that both confirmed to me that he is not faking about the nightmares as there was no way that he could feign that shock the second he woke up, and it broke my heart that he was so surprised that he wasn't woke up in terror from a nightmare. I don't know how to make this better, but we will continue to pray over him:)

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Migraines:
I have struggled with headaches for over 20 years. I didn't know they were migraines until just over a year ago. I was under the mistaken assumption that in order for it to be a "migraine" I had to vomit with it. Not true. Since then I have been systematically trying to figure out what triggers them. I go to the chiropractor once a month. I get massages regularly and had to bump it up to every 3 weeks at one point. I work on hydration. I avoid certain kinds of food noticing that after eating at certain restaurants it was bad. I can't avoid taking my children out in public  (just kidding...sort of;) I use Progessence Plus every night and when I got to the right dose it dramatically reduced my headaches. I take a ton of supplements and vitamins. When I feel one coming on I try to take 2 Tylenol and sleep (if possible).  All of these interventions have helped. However, a couple of weeks ago they started coming back stronger than usual and more frequent. Last Sunday I came home, took Tylenol and napped and the migraine was 10 times worse when I woke up. As a last ditch effort I took an anti-histamine since everyone else in the house was have allergy symptoms and I was desperate for it to go away. And it did! I have not been a person to suffer with allergies - congestion, sneezing, watery eyes, etc. But, when I think about when my migraines are worse it is in the fall and spring. Huh. So I took an anti-histamine every day this week and it was better. I woke every morning with a headache starting and it would go away with the anti-histamine. I am very thankful!

The one trigger that consistently results in more frequent migraines that I can't do a single thing about is...frequent interrupted sleep. Sigh...

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Adoption Issues: JJ's mom recently had her 3rd son since JJ has been born. JJ has enjoyed seeing pictures of him and it has started him to talk more and more about his birth family. He has asked to meet her and we are trying to  answer any questions he has. He keeps walking around asking each of us many times a day "what is your real name." I hate that word "real." I keep telling him that everyone has their "real" name (the word "real" is a pet peeve of mine so I keep saying "birth name." Of course, asking him to stop doing something means that he does it 1000 times more...) It really throws him for a loop when his, Beautiful, Buddy, my husband and I all have the same name that we were born with but the other 3 don't. He just can't quite understand the logic of all of that - which is probably why he keeps asking...and asking...and asking...

Anyway, about 3 weeks ago was when this was starting and I asked Superman and Faith how they felt about JJ talking about his birth family, having contact with them, and the idea that he may get to meet them when that was not something they would get to do. Superman responded honestly and actually had some good questions. Most of the time he avoids adoption questions so I was thankful that he felt safe enough to do that. That is one good thing of JJ talking about it so much, Superman has learned that it is not a taboo topic even though we have always told them they can ask anything they want to;) Anyway, I told him that right or wrong I tend to error on the side of answering questions openly and that I never want the kids to feel like there was a time that they felt I held information back from them so if he wanted to know I would share what I knew (in a responsible way of course). The conversation got pretty tough and a lot of questions were asked. I was glad that he felt he could ask and receive honest answers. I was thankful for Superman opening up more during that conversation.

But...something else beautiful also came out that that hard conversation...

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Answer to Prayer:
I have asked you to pray for our girls, and specifically Faith, in the past. Things have been tough for a long, long time with them. We are starting to see some maturity with Grace. She will actually say now that she needs to go to her room to calm down...about 15% of the time. But it is better than 0% of the time;) Bedtime is getting better. She admits that when she goes to bed earlier she is happier in the morning. That right there is HUGE! Over all there is a maturing and we are thankful. Of course, as I typed that she had a tiff with her brother. But at least she only growled and didn't do her normal tantrum. So, progress!

But, things with Faith have had us very, very concerned. Her behavior has been far more intentional and calculating than Grace's impulsivity. Things came to a head March 3. We did an intervention with a group of people on March 6 where she had to publicly admit to them what she had been doing. They prayed over her. She knew that the next step that we were considering was sending her to boarding school. The next couple of weeks I had several situations with her that gave me increased hope. Times when she came and volunteered about a struggle - both before or after (but before she was caught) it happening. Then came that adoption conversation I wrote of in the last section. It totally sent her into an emotional tailspin.

You may think me cruel, but I was finally glad to get some real emotion out of her. Finally it seemed we had broken through to some of the core yuck and she was getting genuine. I had her do EMDR about that and it was a beautiful and cathartic experience for her - (she actually talked about her feelings about her birth mom). And a bonding experience for us. It has "only" been 3 weeks since then but she is doing great! It is the first time I have seen her genuine and authentic with us. She just "feels" more relaxed and at peace. I feel more relaxed and at peace. She has messed up a few times since then but it as been more of what to expect from a typical 10 year old than a 10 year old with attachment/early trauma issues filled with rage/resentment/bitterness/fear/guilt/shame/etc. I am not so naive to think life will be a bed of roses from here on out, but it is the most peace we have felt in the house for years. Years.  I don't have to feel like a prisoner in my own house just to keep the kids in check or fear of what they may do in public. Ok, well, as much fear as there used to be anyway;) I can trust Buddy or Beautiful to babysit and not wonder what will happen. She is earning back privileges she hasn't had for 18 months and not misusing them.

It is good:)

Thank you for praying for our family and for Faith. She is precious and I feel like we have broken through the outer shell and can finally enjoy the real her.  God is good, and He is trustworthy:)

Allergy Journey Update

It has been awhile since I have updated about allergies.  We have been experimenting with a new intervention and wanted to hold off a bit to see if it was maintaining its helpfulness.  As I have talked about in the past we have tried a wide range of treatments in the past.  We have used chiropractic adjustments, supplements I have read about, traditional medical testing resulting in allergy shots for inhalant allergies and elimination diets for food sensitivities, traditional medication, UA testing with a biochemist to learn what the body needs in order to better process out toxins (that resulted in more supplements and dietary changes), and the current, very non-mainstream, procedure.

BACKGROUND:
We have seen improvement with some kids with some interventions and some kids with other interventions. 
Faith (inhalant allergies) improved at the beginning with allergy shots but about 2 -3 months into it she regressed back to terrible congestion.  It affects her sleep and is affecting her concentration more and more.

Grace (food sensitivities with some inhalant along with ADHD) improved initially with DHA and probiotics but it was inconsistent.  The elimination diet helped initially from the traditional allergy physician, but she was sensitive to so many things that we could not maintain it well.  That told us, however, that food allergies definitely play a part in her ADHD issues.  In sheer desperation we finally put her on an ADHD medication and we keep it as low of dosage as possible.  That has been helpful but we worry about the long term effects of it.  We then started the biochemist process and that has been very helpful.  We have learned that her kidneys and liver were not processing toxins, and have worked to improve that.  We are improving her digestive processes.  This process, coupled with the ADHD medication, helped behavior noticeably.  However, as her behavior lessened we discovered just how pervasive the concentration/focus issues were for her.

JJ's issues are inhalant allergies (although we are learning there are some food/digestive issues too) and they were not helped well by anything that we did.  He developed RSV 12 months ago after battling congestion since he was born.  He was hospitalized for for hydration.  Since then he never went longer than 6 - 8 weeks before being on another antibiotic.  His congestion doesn't drain well and then becomes a sinus infection.  He has a minimal appetite when he feels this way (understandably) and gains weight one month just to lose it the next.  The biochemist supplements  were very difficult to get into him, but did increase his appetite some.  We quit them for several months due to the fight of getting them into him.  When we went to Mexico we found that he breathed NORMAL for the first time.  We came home and bought a $900 air purifier that was very effective for in house allergens...until the hot temps made the pollen outside explode.  At that time he got very congested when outside (how can one avoid being outside lol!).  We started the supplements again (just 2 - Lymph and Soft Tissue) with a strong effect.  He actually likes those mixed in cranberry juice as long as the other supplements aren't in it:) 

THE PRESENT:
We were getting ready to pursue the traditional skin testing for JJ and weekly shots.  A friend suggested this alternative.  Then two other people from different "circles" for me suggested this alternative as well.  To say that I was reluctant and skeptical was an understatement.  It involves "technology" that also includes muscle testing.  I really don't like muscle testing.  I stay far away from muscle testing.  I see absolutely zero science behind muscle testing.  In fact, I am deeply concerned for spiritual issues related to muscle testing.  However, very reluctantly, we thought that we would try it and see if we could make one last ditch attempt to avoid weekly shots.  We prayed a lot...then we took the plunge.

We have had a total of 9 treatments for Grace and JJ, and 6 for Faith to date.  Supposedly it is one treatment per sensitivity - forever.  No going back for many treatments for the same thing, etc.

Grace: Wow.  We are seeing huge improvement in her focus and concentration.  Have we stopped the ADHD medication? No. Some days I try 1/2 to see how it goes.  Her digestive process was also "treated" and we are seeing additional improvement with that. 

Faith:  Wow.  Her constant congestion is improved.  She is still congested and we can hear her breathing all of the time, but the sneezing "mess" is gone.

JJ:  Wow, wow, wow.  Inhalant allergies:  Last year at this time if we took him outside in the stroller for a walk, etc he would not sleep that night due to the congestion.  He now sleeps through the night at least 6 out of 7 nights. Last night was even 11 hours even after being outside for hours playing!!!  He and Faith have not had any nebulizer treatments at all when last year they were daily treatments. No more sneezing/runny nose.  No more constant coughing.  I can still hear him breathing but it is about 50% of what it was.  He has gained weight for 2 months in a row.  He actually sleeps deeply for many consecutive hours rather than waking every couple of hours and needing to be held to fall back asleep.  He has not been on an antibiotic since right before we left for Mexico in February. 

Food issues: He is eating like a champ.  That was almost instantaneous when his digestive issues were treated.  His main source of nutrition has been raw milk since he will not give up the bottle and won't eat much.  He will not eat a WHOLE banana whereas before he would spit out one bite.  The foods he is eating is increasing.  He will eat an actual portion of food rather than just a few bites.  He actually gets "hungry" and asks to eat.  One weird thing that makes no sense to us is that he will actually drink cold milk right from the fridge now.  That was also instantaneous.  We have been warming his bottles for 20 months or he just would not drink them.  All in all we are very impressed with this. too.

Fear issues:  While JJ has been with us since birth, he has a very heightened fear response similar to a person with PTSD.  Hence the constantly clingyness, total fear of strangers, and our inability to leave him in church nursery or with babysitters.  While we still cannot do those things, overall it is very, obvious to us that his fear response is significantly diminished.  At the home school conference we thought since he afraid of strangers he would stay right with us like EVERY OTHER social event we have been to.  Ha!  He delighted in running off and checking out fun things his eye level as long as people did not engage him.  Not fun lol!  He will go into nursery and actually play with kids now (as long as we DON'T leave!) whereas before he would just cling to us in fear.  He has actually even smiled at a couple of strangers!  I have even stopped the supplements for the past 3 days to see if we can get him off of those altogether while maintaining the gains.

Time will tell if these improvements are long-term.  However, we are very encouraged and excited about the current status of things. We understand that many of our kids' issues are due to prenatal insults and thus the neurology of their makeup cannot be changed.  However, we also strive to help them be as healthy as they can be with the areas of their lives that can be changed.  We are very thankful to God that He put people around us to step up and tell us of this option or we would probably be giving weekly shots by this time.  So, I want to pass this option on to you in case you check it out and find it may be an alternative for you:)  It is called AAT - Advanced Allergy Therapeutics.  You will find articles that say it doesn't work.  You will find testimonials that say it works great.  We are tentatively watching and waiting to see if the improvements "hold."  But for now, we are so thankful the we tried!

With this said, we also tried this "treatment" for some non allergy related things that she said it could help.  We have not seen any improvement with those things.  But...that is for another post:)

JJ is 20 months...the same age as the last time Faith saw her Tummy Mommy...

JJ turned 20 months old today! It has been a sweet time watching him grow. We are thrilled that we seem to have the allergies under control enough with the air purifier and two supplements (Lymph and Soft Tissue) that he sleeps through the night most nights...FINALLY!!!!!!!!!! He is still iffy on naps. He is an odd child with so many things. Totally unlike any of the other 5. He is much more cuddly (he will actually bring me the Ergo carrier and hold it up so that I will wear him), yet more angry (will bite, scratch, and pinch when not being "heard") and he totally defies any attempt on routine for sleep, eating, etc. Those of you who have met him personally know that even at 20 months he is still very, very scared of people and will not go to anyone other than my husband, Beautiful, or myself. He has stayed with a sitter 2x total who did amazingly well and used the other kids as a distraction to its fullest extent:) He is finally playing in nursery...but there is still no way I can leave him there without me. We are OK with this - he is different than the other kids and his anxiety level is much higher than them. We will be patient with this part of who he is just like we were patient with the sleeping:)

20 months is also the age that Faith last saw her Tummy Mommy. I try to imagine the first 20 months of her life - she came to us at 23 months. I try to imagine her first 12 months of life going back and forth between her grandmother and her mother and unknown people. I try to imagine the next 8 months of her life living with another family who thought they would only have her and Superman for 1 month...waiting for the grandmother to return from overseas. I have snapshots of these months...being sat in a highchair for hours and hours. Not having a bed. Things her brother tells us about and that he remembers in vivid detail. The last view of her mother...being taken away in a police car... being taken to another home for another 3 months. She remembers nothing - how could she at 20 months? Her brother remembers details...lots of them. I ponder the blessing of her having no memories of those times. I ponder the blessing of him remembering. I ponder the grief she feels at having no memories of her birth family. I ponder the grief of him having memories...

20 months - JJ is always with us. He is always scared in new situations and we are always there to provide comfort. We will not allow him to be afraid. Is that over compensation for knowing what the others experienced when we could not be there to comfort them...and the many, many long term consequences for their many days of feeling fear, loss, unknowns, and no one advocating for them? Is it just responsible parenting in an attempt to teach him that without a doubt he is safe. Safe. Safe. Something the others don't deeply know...even now.

It is also a bitter sweet time to celebrate 20 months with our precious baby, knowing that 3 states away a mother sits and thinks about what it would feel like to hold her 24 lb baby boy. She knows she did the right thing, yet she grieves what she has lost. She tries to not think about it, focusing on the baby boy she will birth in 2 1/2 months.

In this journey of life and adoption there are 2 sides for every coin. I am so grateful for the blessings that God has poured out on us yet I realize that while still in this world there is also the shadow of sin that muddies all of the waters. One day all things will be made new. This is not our home and I wait in anticipation for the day when Jesus returns and rights all wrongs and wipes away every tear...

Today's Funnies

Happened to actually remember some funny kid comments today:)

I walked outside to check on the kids unseen and heard:
Faith in a singsong voice: "I'm going to Africa and it's a bad place."
Superman: "Wait, you ARE from Africa!"
Faith: "No! I'm Chinese!"
Me: Wha???? I guess I need to work on ethnicity and their beliefs about Africa since we focus mostly on how their parents were refugees and had to leave due to war!

Me: Here are some carrots with your lunch.
Superman: why do we have to eat carrots?
Me: Carrots are good for your eyes so you can see and don't need glasses.
Faith, taking a bite: I can see! I'm not blind anymore!!

Faith: "Superman, remember when Beautiful painted your toenails?"
Superman: "yeah, that was like 12 years ago!"
Grace: "huh? wait, I thought you were..."
Faith: "You were only 3."
Superman: "I was 4."
Faith (in an exasperated voice): "boys."

Grace (sound out a word list to me): "D A D. Dad? Hey, that's how you spell OUR Dad!"

The rest of the kids...

I suppose you are wondering what is going on with the other children? It seems like there are two that get most of the blogging attention:)

Beloved had a great year on a home school basketball team. She won the All Star award for getting the most tally points out of 7 categories. Things like blocks, rebounds, defensive rebounds, etc. She was not the highest points scorer, but I think was 2nd or 3rd. She is such a joy to watch and they won every game she was there to play (except at the tournament where we had some emotional losses).

Beloved is going to be a life guard this summer and has her drivers permit! She is growing up (is very tall!!) and as we navigate the teenage girl stage her father and I are learning to lean on the Truth of God's promises and work in her life.

Buddy and Beloved have the tough jobs of having been "ousted" from their comfortable role as the only two children and being the oldest children on whom much responsibility has fallen. I would be deceiving you to say the transition from 2 to 6 has been easy, but we try to remind them (and ourselves) that God has not called us to a comfortable life.

Buddy, through this transition, has also entered into the pre-teen years and is dealing with "stuff" that we had previously thought was just Buddy's "quirkiness." He is a very, very loveable and precious child that we adore. However, he has many sensitivities to sound, food texture, people, etc that result in over stimulation so we have had to learn to navigate these issues. While Beautiful is our social butterfly, Buddy is our hermit:)

Superman has grown into a very loving and protective child. He is so caring and thoughtful about others. He desires for everyone to like him and really wants to be a policeman to help others. I worry about the horrible things that he would see as a policeman:( He receives speech/language intervention at the public school one afternoon a week. I am thankful that the school psychologist was willing to hear our concerns and took time for extra testing and diagnostics so we could see what was hindering Superman. What we discovered was a severe difficulty with processing auditory information and cannot hold 2 pieces of information at the same time well, especially if there is distraction (What! Distraction in our house?? Never lol!). Since most information is taught auditorily this has been hard for me to compensate for in home school. However, he is making significant progress from a year ago and is actually reading pretty on track for kindergarten as long as we use the techniques we have developed. The biggest problem continues to be in public as he has such high fear reactions in public and where there is so much information coming at him that he cannot process what is being said to him (e.g. stay by us, don't wonder off, make sure that we can see you, etc). We know that he carries many hurts from his past, but he has not yet allowed himself the vulnerability of opening that part of himself to us. He perceives many things as rejection and we struggle with bridging that gap to feelings of safety.

Faith is our compliant and easy child (yes!!! we have ONE!!!!) She is very bright and is learning with leaps and bounds. She is learning very well from the apps on the ipad and she is an intuitive reader and math student. I am so thrilled with how easy she is to teach and how quickly she catches on. I have to be sure to not let her fall into the shadows since she is not a "squeaky wheel." However, out of all of the children she is the most sensitive and emotional. She is a true "princess!!" She needs lot of reassurance, smiling eyes, encouragement, and reminders that she doesn't have to know everything the very first time she is exposed to it. The down side to this is that she thinks a lot about being adopted, about missing her birth mom, about "forever," and deals with abandonment and hurt at a deep level.

There you go, updates in as small of a nutshell as I can get it:)

JJ, Faith, and I join the ranks...

Since we are seeing such promising progress with Grace, we decided that we would have JJ, Faith, and I tested as well to try to get us on track.

Faith has a lot of congestion issues and we have had to have her on the nebulizer a lot due to wheezing and lung issues. She was on allergy shots which we have decided to discontinue at this time. There were some labs of hers that were much worse than Grace's. For example, her sugars are very high as well as her salts. The biochemist said that if she were a 50 y/o woman she may be concerned about heart attack. So, we are now working to minimize sugars and salts and significantly increase fluids. She is also have supplements that are to help her allergy congestion. We'll see how it goes!

JJ also needs many more fluids. We already knew that since he does not like to eat or drink. We are going to need to be creative about how to get the couple of supplements into him, in particular because he is low in several minerals. Overall we are attempting to help him with some digestive enzymes and similar things to want to eat more, digest his food better, and hopefully gain wait and be less congested. The biochemist said that many times people think they are lactose intolerant due to congestion from dairy products, but it is really a calcium deficiency. So, we are adding liquid calcium to his diet and switching him from goat's milk to raw milk.

And, myself. I initially felt quite guilty about spending the money to get tested before the rest of the kids were tested and maintaining. But in talking about it with my husband we decided that I need the energy and mental focus to be able to parent and implement these changes well so I should go ahead now and do it. I was surprised that the labs showed things that I thought I just needed to live with, such as peri menopausal symptoms I've dealt with for 11 years. So, in addition to the fact that I have low blood sugar just like JJ and Grace, labs about my concentration/focus were also poor (I knew that too lol!) I also have toxic levels of Magnesium - probably due to the multivitamin that I take (she does not agree with multi-vitamins anyway). So - I am off of my multi-vitamin. She also had some options for my chronic pain issues and to help the inflammation/pain from my herniated disk. We'll see how that progresses.

So, all of us get to do some changes together. Other than that we all have different needs and need different foods/supplements. I'll get a daily calendar together to make sure everyone is getting what they need when they need it, figure out how to make the teas and other drinks to help get in the minerals/vitamins that we need, and look forward to our re-tests in a month to see our progress! I, in particular, am looking forward to less pain and more energy and focus:) It is much less overwhelming this time around even though we are adding 3 diet changes compared to 1. Hopefully in a month or 2 we will get the other 4 in the family tested and...then be super healthy lol!

Sudanese meeting:)

Our first formal family picture of all 8 of us:)The kids:)

We had a very action packed day! We attended a special church service that we do not usually attend. It was very thought provoking...the best kind of church service!!

Then we headed to our capitol city to get family pictures taken. Since it is a 1 1/2 hour drive we don't make this trip often...especially now with all of the kids. We have not had formal family pictures taken since before Grace came to live with us. By the time that Grace was "ours" Superman and Faith had joined the family - so what should the "family" picture look like? Besides...life was so incredibly crazy that first year (has it really stopped???) that dressing up toddlers and driving 1 1/2 hours for formal pictures was totally not in my radar screen lol! Anyway, by the time they were "ours" we talked about getting pictures done but didn't. Then the church directory was getting done so we got a family picture done there...and 2 weeks later we got the call on JJ! God has a sense of humor lol! Anyway, we had fun getting pictures taken and got individual poses of each child too:)

The most significant part of the day was having a meeting with a Sudanese pastor. God ordained a meeting a couple of months ago with a woman who has a ministry to South Sudan with her husband and some members of the Christian Sudanese community. We set up this meeting today to meet him and ask him if he will help us connect the children to the Sudanese culture...yet keep them safe. We have walked a tentative line of knowing the children must be kept safe with us but also wanting them to know their culture. The African American culture is not the same as the Sudanese culture. Their history is not the same. We want them to be able to look in the mirror and be proud of who they are. We want them to look in the mirror and not be afraid. When I asked Superman what he wanted to talk to the pastors about today he answered, "I want them to help me not be afraid when I remember XXXX." This is an important part of their healing.

The pastor was wonderful (the other pastor is currently in South Sudan). He assured us that he would help us keep the kids safe while teaching us about their culture. He recommended a book to help understand the culture. He is also from the same tribe as the children!! We are trusting the God has ordained this meeting and that His will will be done through these connections.

To walk a path not in fear...but to be aware of the danger lurking in the shadows. To know that God is sovereign...but also that evil still permeates this earth.