Happened to actually remember some funny kid comments today:)
I walked outside to check on the kids unseen and heard:
Faith in a singsong voice: "I'm going to Africa and it's a bad place."
Superman: "Wait, you ARE from Africa!"
Faith: "No! I'm Chinese!"
Me: Wha???? I guess I need to work on ethnicity and their beliefs about Africa since we focus mostly on how their parents were refugees and had to leave due to war!
Me: Here are some carrots with your lunch.
Superman: why do we have to eat carrots?
Me: Carrots are good for your eyes so you can see and don't need glasses.
Faith, taking a bite: I can see! I'm not blind anymore!!
Faith: "Superman, remember when Beautiful painted your toenails?"
Superman: "yeah, that was like 12 years ago!"
Grace: "huh? wait, I thought you were..."
Faith: "You were only 3."
Superman: "I was 4."
Faith (in an exasperated voice): "boys."
Grace (sound out a word list to me): "D A D. Dad? Hey, that's how you spell OUR Dad!"
Friday, March 23, 2012
Sunday, March 18, 2012
The rest of the kids...
I suppose you are wondering what is going on with the other children? It seems like there are two that get most of the blogging attention:)
Beloved had a great year on a home school basketball team. She won the All Star award for getting the most tally points out of 7 categories. Things like blocks, rebounds, defensive rebounds, etc. She was not the highest points scorer, but I think was 2nd or 3rd. She is such a joy to watch and they won every game she was there to play (except at the tournament where we had some emotional losses).
Beloved is going to be a life guard this summer and has her drivers permit! She is growing up (is very tall!!) and as we navigate the teenage girl stage her father and I are learning to lean on the Truth of God's promises and work in her life.
Buddy and Beloved have the tough jobs of having been "ousted" from their comfortable role as the only two children and being the oldest children on whom much responsibility has fallen. I would be deceiving you to say the transition from 2 to 6 has been easy, but we try to remind them (and ourselves) that God has not called us to a comfortable life.
Buddy, through this transition, has also entered into the pre-teen years and is dealing with "stuff" that we had previously thought was just Buddy's "quirkiness." He is a very, very loveable and precious child that we adore. However, he has many sensitivities to sound, food texture, people, etc that result in over stimulation so we have had to learn to navigate these issues. While Beautiful is our social butterfly, Buddy is our hermit:)
Superman has grown into a very loving and protective child. He is so caring and thoughtful about others. He desires for everyone to like him and really wants to be a policeman to help others. I worry about the horrible things that he would see as a policeman:( He receives speech/language intervention at the public school one afternoon a week. I am thankful that the school psychologist was willing to hear our concerns and took time for extra testing and diagnostics so we could see what was hindering Superman. What we discovered was a severe difficulty with processing auditory information and cannot hold 2 pieces of information at the same time well, especially if there is distraction (What! Distraction in our house?? Never lol!). Since most information is taught auditorily this has been hard for me to compensate for in home school. However, he is making significant progress from a year ago and is actually reading pretty on track for kindergarten as long as we use the techniques we have developed. The biggest problem continues to be in public as he has such high fear reactions in public and where there is so much information coming at him that he cannot process what is being said to him (e.g. stay by us, don't wonder off, make sure that we can see you, etc). We know that he carries many hurts from his past, but he has not yet allowed himself the vulnerability of opening that part of himself to us. He perceives many things as rejection and we struggle with bridging that gap to feelings of safety.
Faith is our compliant and easy child (yes!!! we have ONE!!!!) She is very bright and is learning with leaps and bounds. She is learning very well from the apps on the ipad and she is an intuitive reader and math student. I am so thrilled with how easy she is to teach and how quickly she catches on. I have to be sure to not let her fall into the shadows since she is not a "squeaky wheel." However, out of all of the children she is the most sensitive and emotional. She is a true "princess!!" She needs lot of reassurance, smiling eyes, encouragement, and reminders that she doesn't have to know everything the very first time she is exposed to it. The down side to this is that she thinks a lot about being adopted, about missing her birth mom, about "forever," and deals with abandonment and hurt at a deep level.
There you go, updates in as small of a nutshell as I can get it:)
Beloved had a great year on a home school basketball team. She won the All Star award for getting the most tally points out of 7 categories. Things like blocks, rebounds, defensive rebounds, etc. She was not the highest points scorer, but I think was 2nd or 3rd. She is such a joy to watch and they won every game she was there to play (except at the tournament where we had some emotional losses).
Beloved is going to be a life guard this summer and has her drivers permit! She is growing up (is very tall!!) and as we navigate the teenage girl stage her father and I are learning to lean on the Truth of God's promises and work in her life.
Buddy and Beloved have the tough jobs of having been "ousted" from their comfortable role as the only two children and being the oldest children on whom much responsibility has fallen. I would be deceiving you to say the transition from 2 to 6 has been easy, but we try to remind them (and ourselves) that God has not called us to a comfortable life.
Buddy, through this transition, has also entered into the pre-teen years and is dealing with "stuff" that we had previously thought was just Buddy's "quirkiness." He is a very, very loveable and precious child that we adore. However, he has many sensitivities to sound, food texture, people, etc that result in over stimulation so we have had to learn to navigate these issues. While Beautiful is our social butterfly, Buddy is our hermit:)
Superman has grown into a very loving and protective child. He is so caring and thoughtful about others. He desires for everyone to like him and really wants to be a policeman to help others. I worry about the horrible things that he would see as a policeman:( He receives speech/language intervention at the public school one afternoon a week. I am thankful that the school psychologist was willing to hear our concerns and took time for extra testing and diagnostics so we could see what was hindering Superman. What we discovered was a severe difficulty with processing auditory information and cannot hold 2 pieces of information at the same time well, especially if there is distraction (What! Distraction in our house?? Never lol!). Since most information is taught auditorily this has been hard for me to compensate for in home school. However, he is making significant progress from a year ago and is actually reading pretty on track for kindergarten as long as we use the techniques we have developed. The biggest problem continues to be in public as he has such high fear reactions in public and where there is so much information coming at him that he cannot process what is being said to him (e.g. stay by us, don't wonder off, make sure that we can see you, etc). We know that he carries many hurts from his past, but he has not yet allowed himself the vulnerability of opening that part of himself to us. He perceives many things as rejection and we struggle with bridging that gap to feelings of safety.
Faith is our compliant and easy child (yes!!! we have ONE!!!!) She is very bright and is learning with leaps and bounds. She is learning very well from the apps on the ipad and she is an intuitive reader and math student. I am so thrilled with how easy she is to teach and how quickly she catches on. I have to be sure to not let her fall into the shadows since she is not a "squeaky wheel." However, out of all of the children she is the most sensitive and emotional. She is a true "princess!!" She needs lot of reassurance, smiling eyes, encouragement, and reminders that she doesn't have to know everything the very first time she is exposed to it. The down side to this is that she thinks a lot about being adopted, about missing her birth mom, about "forever," and deals with abandonment and hurt at a deep level.
There you go, updates in as small of a nutshell as I can get it:)
Thursday, March 15, 2012
JJ Update
We went on vacation to the ocean last month. We worried about how sick that JJ would get and how his breathing would be effected. However, he had NO problems! That really got us thinking about getting an air purifier. We returned home and bought a high end air purifier. We have had it running for 9 nights now. He has slept through the night the last four nights and seems to be breathing much better in the night and morning. He used to wake in the night with obvious congestion issues and uncomfortableness. However, the beautiful weather has involved us going outside a lot and that is clearly affecting him negatively. It is sad that in our house the windows never get to be open on nice days due to the pollen, etc. I'm so glad that we get to be outside though!
He gained 2 lbs last month (after having lost weight gain the previous month) and has already gained 1/2 lb in the past 2 weeks. He is eating better (but eating "good" is not something we would say). He was last put on antibiotics 5 weeks ago yesterday. He usually doesn't make it much longer than that before he is sick again. So...we shall wait and see:)
He gained 2 lbs last month (after having lost weight gain the previous month) and has already gained 1/2 lb in the past 2 weeks. He is eating better (but eating "good" is not something we would say). He was last put on antibiotics 5 weeks ago yesterday. He usually doesn't make it much longer than that before he is sick again. So...we shall wait and see:)
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Graces new journey: long over due update
Grace has been doing so much better as of late. The work with the biochemist has help her to mostly eliminate any of the digestive issues that we have battled for 5 years. She doesn't have the stomach aches and other issues that plagued her.
However, Grace did not have the full reduction of ADHD symptoms that we had hoped for. We have come to terms with this reality. We have tried every option that we know of and have finally had to accept that when there are neurological complications...supplements and behavioral interventions are not necessarily enough. We are very pleased that with the supplements, dietary, and behavioral interventions she is able to be maintained on a once a day dose of ADHD medication. For some reason she needs to have it in the morning to seem to get on track for the day. Mornings are not nearly as bad as they used to be and we know that the other interventions have given significant reduction in behaviors but we still make sure we get her medication in her right away in the a.m! Oddly enough, she does not need another dose after it wears off right after lunch time. Why she does so much better in the afternoons and evenings is strange. We assume that the supplements/nutritional changes have given her that much benefit.
What has become sadly clear though, now that we have her behaviors as under control as we can possibly hope they will ever be, is that we realize just how disrupted her focus and attention is. This is having huge effects on her academic progress as she is in kindergarten this year. We make sure we complete her school in the morning while her medication is helping, but even so we get about 10 - 15 minutes of a "window" to give information before the window is closed to instruction (per subject). Even then, recall is poor at a later time or even with a 30 second distraction. The computer has been so incredibly helpful in teaching her because it is immediate gratification (click a button and get an immediate response instead of waiting for her siblings to give their answers and me talk, etc). We are seeing many of the learning struggles in her that we see in Superman. That feels, quite honestly, very overwhelming at this time. We will be having her further assessed, although at this time I am trying to discern what all we should have her tested for.
What is the upside to all of this (since this seems like a kind of up and down report)? We have finally gotten to get to see a glimpse of who Grace is. She is maternal. She is loving. She cares that others are happy and involved. She loves, loves, loves to be held and rocked. She LOVES to laugh and be tickled. She loves physical activity and being outdoors. She is girly, girly, girly and thinks fixing hair and dressing up is a riot. She absolutely cannot wait to be a mommy (WE CAN WAIT!!!!!! lol) and always has dolls dressed up around her whom she is "mothering."
(DOSE OF REALITY: she tries to make everyone be a "player" in her fantasy that we call "Grace's World" and doesn't seem to understand that other people actually have their opinions about what to do, when to do it, how to do it, etc. But, hopefully more empathy will develop in time:)
In the meantime, we are enjoying a very happy and joyful little girl who is making progress, can sit still for periods of time and complete a task, who doesn't always act before thinking, who isn't sick all of the time, who is finally gaining weight, and who LOVES to sing praises to Jesus:)
However, Grace did not have the full reduction of ADHD symptoms that we had hoped for. We have come to terms with this reality. We have tried every option that we know of and have finally had to accept that when there are neurological complications...supplements and behavioral interventions are not necessarily enough. We are very pleased that with the supplements, dietary, and behavioral interventions she is able to be maintained on a once a day dose of ADHD medication. For some reason she needs to have it in the morning to seem to get on track for the day. Mornings are not nearly as bad as they used to be and we know that the other interventions have given significant reduction in behaviors but we still make sure we get her medication in her right away in the a.m! Oddly enough, she does not need another dose after it wears off right after lunch time. Why she does so much better in the afternoons and evenings is strange. We assume that the supplements/nutritional changes have given her that much benefit.
What has become sadly clear though, now that we have her behaviors as under control as we can possibly hope they will ever be, is that we realize just how disrupted her focus and attention is. This is having huge effects on her academic progress as she is in kindergarten this year. We make sure we complete her school in the morning while her medication is helping, but even so we get about 10 - 15 minutes of a "window" to give information before the window is closed to instruction (per subject). Even then, recall is poor at a later time or even with a 30 second distraction. The computer has been so incredibly helpful in teaching her because it is immediate gratification (click a button and get an immediate response instead of waiting for her siblings to give their answers and me talk, etc). We are seeing many of the learning struggles in her that we see in Superman. That feels, quite honestly, very overwhelming at this time. We will be having her further assessed, although at this time I am trying to discern what all we should have her tested for.
What is the upside to all of this (since this seems like a kind of up and down report)? We have finally gotten to get to see a glimpse of who Grace is. She is maternal. She is loving. She cares that others are happy and involved. She loves, loves, loves to be held and rocked. She LOVES to laugh and be tickled. She loves physical activity and being outdoors. She is girly, girly, girly and thinks fixing hair and dressing up is a riot. She absolutely cannot wait to be a mommy (WE CAN WAIT!!!!!! lol) and always has dolls dressed up around her whom she is "mothering."
(DOSE OF REALITY: she tries to make everyone be a "player" in her fantasy that we call "Grace's World" and doesn't seem to understand that other people actually have their opinions about what to do, when to do it, how to do it, etc. But, hopefully more empathy will develop in time:)
In the meantime, we are enjoying a very happy and joyful little girl who is making progress, can sit still for periods of time and complete a task, who doesn't always act before thinking, who isn't sick all of the time, who is finally gaining weight, and who LOVES to sing praises to Jesus:)
Scars
Adoption is a very emotional experience. It is one that transcends all issues. It is not about simply accepting a child as "our own." That child has a past that has nothing...nothing to do with our family. That past infiltrates the very being of who that child is and must be treated with the reality that it is...not as an elephant in the room tip toed around while ignored. As JJ nears the age where Faith was permanently removed from her bio family/relatives/chaos of placements that was the first 21 months of her life and we near the time when JJ's bio mother is expecting her next child (whom she plans to parent) I have become reflective. Hopefully not depressingly so...but...realistically so...
Beloved fell before age 2 and got 15 stitches in her forehead. Her scar is still visible. Superman fell the first week he was with us and hurt the top of his hand. His scar is still visible. JJ's forehead was cut during delivery. His scars are still visible. (Bunny Trail: it is so odd to me that our white children show bruises but the scars don't show as much, however our black children never show bruises yet the slightest scratch ever on their bodies is always present!) I think about the scars on our children that we cannot see. Those scars in their hearts from the hurts they have experienced. The scars that get in the way of us being able to find out "who" they are. The scars that keep them from being able to discover who they are.
I ponder the sin of this world and how it hurts us, how it has hurt our children. Sin is a ruthless destroyer.
I think of the questions that we cannot and will never be able to adequately answer. I reflect on what they have seen, experienced, and been exposed to that are permanently etched in the deep recesses of their minds. How those things have changed their neurochemistry...and will for as long as they live. I remember the line in Soul Surfer..."she will NEVER be the same." Neither will our children, but their scars are not as obvious as a missing arm.
I weep for the innocence they have lost. I weep that their life circumstances were those that even had to result in adoption. Those circumstances are part of WHO they are, part of who they will always be. Of course, I am extremely glad that God saw in His mercy to have the children removed from where they were, from what they experienced, and that the scars are not much worse. Millions of children are not given that mercy. However, the scars remain nonetheless.
I am thankful for our children in our lives and am so glad they are our children. However, the way I see adoption is very different on this side of 4 adoptions than on the other side. Adoption is a beautiful choice for a child...but 3 of our children are not here because of an "adoption plan." Our child whom we have from "choice" has a birth mom who also "chose" to be expecting another child soon for a total of 3 under 3 in very unstable conditions. When a person adopts...they adopt more than "a" child. They adopt their whole history/family even when adopted a birth. I feel the weight of their "history" every day.
I cannot change the past, present, or future realities. I cannot change the memories, or the hurts, or the neurological damage, or the fears, or the very complicated family trees of my kids who all have many other siblings (and they thought they were in a "large" family with just 5 siblings lol!)
But Jesus can. Jesus makes all things new. Jesus bears the scars of the sin that my children hurt from...and my sin. Those scars are very visible and do not prevent the healing of hearts. They do not prevent us from getting to know Him. His scars help me to know Him better. His scars prove His sovereign power to change the world.
I wonder if our children will ever open their hearts fully to us given what they have been through...but I pray they will open their hearts fully to Him who knows what they have been through and paid the ultimate sacrifice for them.
Beloved fell before age 2 and got 15 stitches in her forehead. Her scar is still visible. Superman fell the first week he was with us and hurt the top of his hand. His scar is still visible. JJ's forehead was cut during delivery. His scars are still visible. (Bunny Trail: it is so odd to me that our white children show bruises but the scars don't show as much, however our black children never show bruises yet the slightest scratch ever on their bodies is always present!) I think about the scars on our children that we cannot see. Those scars in their hearts from the hurts they have experienced. The scars that get in the way of us being able to find out "who" they are. The scars that keep them from being able to discover who they are.
I ponder the sin of this world and how it hurts us, how it has hurt our children. Sin is a ruthless destroyer.
I think of the questions that we cannot and will never be able to adequately answer. I reflect on what they have seen, experienced, and been exposed to that are permanently etched in the deep recesses of their minds. How those things have changed their neurochemistry...and will for as long as they live. I remember the line in Soul Surfer..."she will NEVER be the same." Neither will our children, but their scars are not as obvious as a missing arm.
I weep for the innocence they have lost. I weep that their life circumstances were those that even had to result in adoption. Those circumstances are part of WHO they are, part of who they will always be. Of course, I am extremely glad that God saw in His mercy to have the children removed from where they were, from what they experienced, and that the scars are not much worse. Millions of children are not given that mercy. However, the scars remain nonetheless.
I am thankful for our children in our lives and am so glad they are our children. However, the way I see adoption is very different on this side of 4 adoptions than on the other side. Adoption is a beautiful choice for a child...but 3 of our children are not here because of an "adoption plan." Our child whom we have from "choice" has a birth mom who also "chose" to be expecting another child soon for a total of 3 under 3 in very unstable conditions. When a person adopts...they adopt more than "a" child. They adopt their whole history/family even when adopted a birth. I feel the weight of their "history" every day.
I cannot change the past, present, or future realities. I cannot change the memories, or the hurts, or the neurological damage, or the fears, or the very complicated family trees of my kids who all have many other siblings (and they thought they were in a "large" family with just 5 siblings lol!)
But Jesus can. Jesus makes all things new. Jesus bears the scars of the sin that my children hurt from...and my sin. Those scars are very visible and do not prevent the healing of hearts. They do not prevent us from getting to know Him. His scars help me to know Him better. His scars prove His sovereign power to change the world.
I wonder if our children will ever open their hearts fully to us given what they have been through...but I pray they will open their hearts fully to Him who knows what they have been through and paid the ultimate sacrifice for them.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)