Saying Goodbye to Rose

This weekend Rose will be moving to Ohio to live with her Great Aunt.  We have been told that the Aunt is interested in maintaining contact with us.  We shall see what the future brings.

When I thought about what to write about saying goodbye, I thought about the realities of that day last month.  We drove to her foster home and got to spend a bit less than an hour playing with her, taking a ton of pictures in group and individual settings with each child.  We prayed over her.  We avoided talking about the reality that we may never see her again.  We purposely packed the day with activities such as walking through a race car museum, buying shoes for every child (uff da!), doing our monthly shopping at Wal Mart and Sam's Club (it ended up being 2 months of shopping and, again, UFF DA!).  We also splurged and took the kids to a sit down restaurant for the first time.  Faith was quite curious about the difference between a "fast food" restaurant and that this was a "slow food" restaurant;)  She also was excited that we had glass glasses to drink from lol!  Thankfully there were tv's with football games playing to keep the kids occupied while we waited.  We also laughed about how the waiter looked like Anikin Skywalker.

But sharing about the day we said goodbye does not really encompass the truth of what it has been like to say goodbye to Rose.  It has, by far, been the most painful experience of my adult life.  My parent's divorce when I was 4 and losing my close friend to a drunk driver when I was 16 happened before I knew how to really grieve and think through situations and thus were devastating, but were different.  I was not a Christian then nor was I mature enough to really consider implications of anything more than the grief I felt at the time. I thought I would do better this time, but I grieved just as poorly as I did then.

In two weeks Rose turns 1.  We received the phone call telling us she was 1 day old and asking if we would like the placement and likely adoption.  This journey has been almost a year in the making.  I thought I would share about the heart realities of saying goodbye to Rose: biological sibling to our Superman and Faith and 5th in the sibling strip born to the mother.  Talking about this places me in a very vulnerable position, and I really, really dislike doing that.  But I am hopeful that it may help someone else who is grieving as so many other people have posted vulnerably about themselves and it has helped my healing process.

The time we had Rose in a nutshell: she was born 12/4/2012.  We got the call from HHS the next day.  She had to remain in the NICU for 10 days due to choices her birth mom made that affected Rose negatively.  We had given up our foster care license 7 months before and got moving on the process immediately to reinstate it.  We contacted a friend who had a friend who agreed to be Rose's placement until we could get licensed.  Our finger prints were sent off to the FBI but no one had news on them for months.  I finally called them and discovered that they had been sitting on someone's desk with HHS for 7 weeks and no one had moved them on.  Because we were not licensed when Rose went to court, her placement went elsewhere despite the fact that it was HHS's fault that we were not licensed.

During that time frame of mid-Dec to mid- Feb we were able to do respite with Rose and had her for a total of 7 weeks.  It was an emotional time where we wanted to believe she was staying, but the license was not approved.  Then a father was named and the HHS worker decided that she did not agree with something I said during a visit and caused a variety of hoops to be created for us to prove that we were capable being a good family for our children's biological sibling.  

In mid-February we were told she needed to be moved to another foster home and await the DNA testing with the alleged dad.  This took a couple of months.  Then he began visitation and the process began for his mother to obtain custody.  That did not move forward so the great aunt was identified, and a month ago she was approved.  We did monthly visitation during that time and advocated strongly with HHS and her Guardian Ad Litem (GAL) for us to be the placement.  The foster home she was in was excellent and they (and many, many others) have been praying fervently for God's Best for Rose.  They, too, are grieving deeply during this time.

When I look back on the past 10 months it was, essentially, a very dark time.  After losing her in February I really lost myself.  I had many nightmares about what could happen to her and therefore could not sleep.  Having worked in prisons for 9 years my mind is a fertile ground for imagining the worse in less than optimal homes.  However, knowing the reality of what has happened to our children, Rose's siblings, made it all the more real and graphic in my mind.  I cried a lot initially.  I considered all of the injustices of this world due to sin and utter depravity.  I thought about the endless tortures that can happen to a defenseless child physically, spiritually, and emotionally.  I thought a lot about the realities of adoption - people want to believe it is such a beautiful experience but it is usually one interspersed with loss, grief, trauma, and pain.  I grieved for Superman and Faith who were daily praying fervently that we would get to adopt her.  She is their only biological family that they know other than the two siblings who were adopted to another family also during this past year who have moved to a far away state.  Superman remembers what his life was like before he came to our home.  He remembers and has deep fear for his sister experiencing the same.  I discovered their mother's facebook page.  Her posts make me shudder and nauseated.  She is 25 I believe.  How many more children will she do this to?  I pondered all of my children's biological siblings that I know about and don't know about and wondered about their lives.

I tried to keep my thoughts positive.  I tried to tell myself all of the truths of God's character.  I repeated to myself over and over that He is sovereign, He is powerful, He loves her more than we do, He created her, He knows every day of her life and we cannot do anything to change that, His ways are better than our ways, another home may be better than our home for her to grow up in, if she is to be saved it is up to God and not to us, etc.  But my thoughts also were increasingly dark.  I know that God is all of these things, but I also know that every single one of us deserve Hell.  We are all sinners and do not deserve to be safe from harm, it is only by His mercy that anyone is.  I considered the millions of children across the world who grow up in deplorable conditions ranging from orphaned to starving to neglected to the may ways they are abused and killed.  God loves every one of of those children too, what makes Rose different?  I reminded myself that the HHS system is very broken and what is best for the child may look one way on paper, but it may not be best in reality, the workers are over worked and jaded, and laws as well as human error result in a lot of less than optimum outcomes...yet God is sovereign over those entities and we must submit to His choices.  It was a horrible, horrible time in my mind.  I knew that I must, I MUST, bow the knee and submit to His will and His plan.  I could not let myself fall into bitterness and resentment.  Yet, I always skirted that line.  I told myself that I had to have faith.  I had to persevere.  I had to endure.  I had to accept God's will even though it could be horrible for Rose.  There were many other thoughts on both sides but you get the idea.  I would chastise myself for being in that dark place when I "should" know better.  With what I do for a living and being a Christian, I "should not" be...whatever I was struggling with at the time.  Probably the worse was the apathy.  I existed for a long time in a place of "what is the point?"  Why clean when it will just get dirty?  Why bother?  I kept life up as it "needed" to be, but did not go further than that.

I found that I could only cope via escape.  I could not win the battle in my mind so I sought to not be in my mind.  I could not bear to sleep and have nightmares and thus went to bed very late (not too hard with a toddler who would not go to bed until 12 or 1 a.m., but I was often up much later than that) and got out of bed early.  Once I woke up I could not fall back to sleep.  In the past my escape has always been in doing.  I would clean primarily.  I would have projects and activity.  The problem with doing those things is that they took energy (that I did not have) and they still allowed for me to be trapped in my brain with my thoughts.  So, I reverted to my old standby.  You know that question "if you were on a deserted island and could only have one thing what would it be?" Well, my answer would be...a book.  Even as a kid I read all of the time as escape and people around me did not appreciate it.  I have loved home schooling our children as it gives me the excuse to read aloud to them lots and lots.  I had not let myself read fiction in over 10 years because I knew that with my addictive personality (I do the same with computer games, so I can't holler too loudly at Buddy and his xbox since he is just like me in this regard) I would not stop.  Anyone else out there play Spider Solitaire and tell themselves, "just one more, I'll quit after this one!" ?  Well, I started reading.  I venture to guess that I have probably read over 200 mindless and purposeless fiction books since this began. I am embarrassed about it.  But there it is.  I am a "readaholic" :) .  I am not sure that anyone outside of the family realized how far into the black hole that I fell.  I did what I needed to do.  But pretty much what I remember for the past 10 months is darkness.

God had revealed to me around August I think that Rose would not be returning to us and had released me from some of the emotional attachment that was so hard.  I felt in my heart that she was my child even though on no paperwork was that ever stated - not even officially as a foster mother.  I was 100% attached to her despite only having her for 7 short weeks.  I felt that I had lost my child through all of this ordeal.  Then I would feel guilty about that since she was never my child.  God helped me to process some of that.  Then, during a lunch with dear friends of ours who say it like it is, there was, for the first time, confession and processing.  I marvel at God's timing of it since the next day we got the news that Rose for sure would be going to her Great Aunt.  That day I refused to allow myself to read.  I hated the dark nebulous place in which I had existed and fought kicking and clawing to not fall back in there.  So I did the next best thing...I cleaned:)  I put on worship music and cleaned.  God brought me to another place that day.  A place of realizing that up until then I had been kneeling as a servant before the throne but by the grit of my teeth forcing myself to "do" the right thing.  But instead I was moved to a place of sitting on His lap and simply...being with Him...trusting Him.  I know that those words seem incredibly simple and perhaps even trite.  But the shift in my heart was the difference between bondage and freedom, pitch black darkness and living light.  Between me forcing myself to do what I was supposed to do...and just...letting go and trusting Him.  This is not the first time I have struggled between "doing" and "being," between living "for" Him and living "with" Him.  It is an ever present struggle and I seem to have a hard time remembering the lesson.

That was the day I got better.  The day before our friends had used the word "trust" in their conversation with me.  It had stuck in my mind and I could not let it go.  The day after this in church every song that was sung had the word "trust" in it over and over.  I was pretty emotional about it to my further embarrassment.  By the way, I have carefully watched every single song in church since that day and have not once seen the word "trust" come up again yet.  The next Friday was when we went to say our final goodbye to Rose.  And it was...well:)

During the past month I have felt that I am in the light again.  I feel creative to do things, and want to create not just exist.  I feel energy to do things.  I feel peace.  I feel joy again.  I am even crying again (which I normally avoid at all costs).  That was a weird one for me.  Initially it was quite annoying but then I realized that I was actually feeling again so have chosen to rejoice in it but, seriously, how many times is it appropriate to cry during the Lord of the Rings lol! There was a period of 2 weeks where I felt incredible guilt for what I have lost out on with my family and friends for the past 10 months while I have been "absent."   But, He has taken that too.  It is what it is.  Like every trial in my life, looking back on it I am seeking to find the silver lining.  This trial has helped me understand the hearts of our birthparents/grandparents better, it has helped me to understand functional depression better, it has helped me to understand the power of escaping to cope and hard it is to get out of it, it has helped me understand that the "right words" mean nothing until the Holy Spirit sows it into one's heart, it has helped me see so very many of my shortcomings and given me direction on how to proceed, it has helped me to relax a bit and not take things so serious (after all the house still stands after my lack of intentional living for the past months), it precipitated the pen pal friendship with a favorite author I discovered, it has allowed us to get to know Superman and Faith's other two biological sibings and their adopted family.  Mostly...I have moved to a new level of...trusting Him:)

Complications

I wrote in my last post about the fears I was having of both getting to have Rose and of possibly losing her to a different forever family, and how I am trying to combat those fears.  This week I have had more opportunity to talk myself through more fear.

We know who Rose's mother is.  We do not know who Rose's father is.  Rose's mother will not tell anyone who the father is.  She talked to HHS and said that she would tell them on Friday.  She did not show up for the appointment.

What happens now?  Biological fathers have rights to their children, and this is a very good thing.  Every state has different opinions about how locating birth fathers should be handled in situations where they are not providing for the child (or being "fathers").  One of the major reasons we loved adopting JJ from Utah, is that the father can be unnamed/unknown and his paternal rights terminated.  In fact, he has only 3 weeks to come forward after the child is born and then has to prove that he both emotionally and financially supported the mother during the pregnancy.  If no father steps up, the rights are terminated without anyone have a responsibility to notify him.  Many people in the adoption world appreciate this law.  Many people hate it.

In our state, every "reasonable effort" must be used to locate the father and have him notified.  In Superman and Faith's case, the fathers were identified and they simply refused to respond to any of the notifications or letters.  The process for notifying an unknown father involves, at the time that the child is ready to be adopted, the state publishing a statement in a newspaper saying something like "to John Doe, if you believe you have a child who was born on such and such a date at such and such a hospital you need to notify these people immediately."  It is run for 3 weeks.  If, after that time, no one steps forward, the father's parental rights are terminated and one can move forward with the adoption.

While legally the County Attorney of the county where Rose was born can actually terminate paternal parental rights earlier in cases like these, she will not.  It is apparently a source of much contention between HHS and this County Attorney.  That means we have to wait until May before she will even consider this process.  This is a long time to bond with a child and have many unknowns hanging.  What if the mother identifies the father at any time in the meantime?  Then he gets notified.  If he, or any of his family decides they want to keep the baby, they get to go through the hoops to do so.  If they are a fit family that I totally understand that they should have their child.  But...the likelihood of that given what we know?  Well, it frightens us a great deal.

Best case scenarios?  No one finds out who the father is, or he is notified and refuses to respond.

But there is also the downside...I am sad to imagine what it will be like to tell our children that their father's did not choose to respond. 

Through this I keep clinging to God's sovereignty.  There are so many things that are outside of our hands.  Probably the most peace that I receive is remembering how God orchestrated everything during our fire.  If you weren't around for the fire, here is a brief recap (there are many more details):

I unknowingly started our house (attached garage) on fire.
A total stranger (who was a fireman in another town) saw the fire and stopped and got us out.
The stranger directed me to get the van out of the garage (before the gas tank blew up) and I safely complied even though there were flames through the roof over me.
A total stranger saw our kids standing outside and kept them warm in their car until our friends from a block away came and got them out of there (again, I had nothing to do with that).
One of our local firefighters just "happened" to be driving by at the same time and got everyone mobilizing before ANY 911 calls had been made!
In the end, the Fire Chief told us the house would have been gone in about 2 minutes had they not gotten there when they did.
I could share about the many, many people who loved on us during that time in amazing ways and were His skin to us, but that is not the purpose of this post.

Who saved the house?  God did.  My foolishness vs God's power.

In the past almost 6 years (Good Friday 2007 was the fire) I have had many opportunities to reflect on His power and control.  While the fire was the most traumatic experience of my life to date, it was also the day that I learned that without a doubt I am nothing and He is everything.  It was the day that I (only later realized) that I can have total peace from being in His arms because I have no control and can totally submit everything to Him and He has it ALL covered.

So I have spent time over the past several days reflecting on Good Friday 2007.  I am reminding myself that whatever happens with Rose He is working behind the scenes, His outcome will occur, and despite whatever pain and trauma (and drama) we incur along the way it will ALL be for His glory and our refinement.

What looks like a complication to me...is not to Him.  It is an opportunity for prayer...and submission:)

Christmas 2012, and various thoughts...

This year we opened presents at the crack of dawn on Christmas Eve...well...that is not exactly true.  With two teens in the house the crack of dawn is actually much later than the Middles would like it to be.  Nonetheless we got presents opened in the late morning and settled in to play with their favorite gift, an xbox, only pausing briefly to eat a scrumptious turkey and trimmings mostly made by my husband.  My husband loves to cook the big meals (and he does a great job of other meals too!)  I made the dessert:)  I had bought all of the gifts this year.  After discussing with my husband what we should buy for each child we got all of the socks and educational items purchased and decided quite firmly against the xbox.  Yes, that same xbox that did become a gift.  You see, while I am very practical, my husband is really a big kid and he LOVES to see his family delight in gifts.  So...of course he did not share with me that he went ahead with the xbox.  And of course I forgave him quickly knowing that he adds a good balance to the fun of our home:)

It was such an extra joy to have Rose with us for Christmas. She is such a quiet and easy going baby.  I am still amazed at how seamlessly she settled into our family and how adding a 7th child, even if just for a few days, was nothing like adding a first or second child, and especially not like adding 2 toddlers at once lol!  Each of us had our own issues about her coming.  The Middles were just excited.  JJ was quite possessive of her.  Buddy is, well, a 12 year old boy so not entirely enthusiastic but smiling and attentive nonetheless.  I had not realized how hard it would be for Beautiful.  While she initially talked about being jealous of having to share us with yet another child...it soon came out that she was scared of developing an attachment to her and then have her not be ours.  By the end of our time with Rose, Beautiful was jumping up and grabbing Rose from her bassinet (OK, Rose did not spend much time not being held, but the times she was not...) when Rose would give the tiniest squeak or grunt.  It was good for all of us to talk about our fears and our excited hopes for Rose.  Having my almost 16 year old daughter so attentive to a newborn reminded me of the many, many teenage girls who are having babies without the necessary means or wisdom to parent them.  Of course, I was also painfully aware that Superman's mom was Beautiful's age while pregnant with Superman...

These thoughts, and others, reminded me yet again that nothing in this world can simply be "good." I remember very distinctly on our first trip to Mazatlan how in awe I was of the ocean.  I loved just staring at the ocean and having it crash up on the beach and the rocks.  Then I would turn around and see...liter, broken items, filthy buildings, etc.  I remember standing there and thinking how it would be so nice to only have the beautiful and wonderful things in the world to contend with, rather than having to also face the evil and effects of sin.  Every single situation in my life brings this tension to mind for me.  Parenting, work, money, ministry, and very saliently...adoption.  I used to be so naive about adoption.  It should be pretty simple, right?  Kid needs home...parent provides home.  But the rub is in the reason the child needs a home.  A reason that will always involve pain, sadness, or at least unknowns at some level.  Tonight I sat crying with Superman as we talked about the pains of his life and the many questions that having Rose around has brought up for him about his first mom.

I often remind myself of James 1: 3-4


Consider it pure joy my brothers when you face trials of many kinds, because the testing of your faith develops perseverance.  Perseverance must finish its work in you that you may be mature and complete, not lacking in anything.

I am an end result kind of gal.  This verse, however, clearly is about process.  Perseverance requires process and promises that the process of perseverance will grow us toward maturity and completion.  Thus...I will persevere in not just looking at the ocean...but turning around and dealing with the realities of the yuck too:)

Which brings me to my final thought on Christmas.  Wouldn't life have been easier for Jesus to just stay in heaven and enjoy all that heaven has to offer?  To just stare at the ocean, so to speak?  Yet, He chose to come to the vast yuck of earth so that all of us would have the option to be forgiven and one day be with Him in perfection.  While I am burdened by the yuck of daily life here I know not what perfection even is...but He knew perfection and gave it up for a time for us...for me.  So, I will persevere in the yuck hopefully moving toward maturity and completion, and I will choose to dwell on Him...the good and perfect Gift:)

Baby Rose's 2nd night

Last night JJ slept 11 hours!!!!!  That meant that Rose was the only child waking me up and it was so much better:)  We have just been kicking back doing nothing.  In fact, JJ and I just woke up from a leisurely 2 hour nap while Rose was napping:)  I suppose that tonight I actually need to get some baking/cooking done since we are going to do our family Christmas tomorrow with the turkey and fixings, and then celebrate and enjoy for 2 days:)  We have always always traveled for Christmas.  This is the first year we have stayed home and just been a family together.  It is absolutely precious:)  While I very much miss my family, this is a good time for us:)  We will be traveling later for a family Christmas though:)  Growing up with divorced parents meant that the date of "Christmas" was always contingent on who had us when, etc.  Therefore I have never really been tied to a certain day to celebrate.  That will probably be a good thing since with 6 (possibly 7!) children married and off with their own families we may end up doing a February family Christmas lol!

And surprise, I am way off of topic.  It has been so delightful to have no agenda and to just "be." Yesterday was a sweet first for Rose, her umbilical cord fell off;)  As silly as it sounds, I was so happy to have a "first" with her since she is only with us for a few days then will be gone again.  I am sad that we never got to see her in the NICU, so I won't have any of those memories to share with her.  I am SO thankful for her other foster mom who did get to love her and pray over her there and take pictures.  She will get the privilege of sharing that part of her life with her:)  I remember how sad it made me when JJ was born that I knew I had to defer some "firsts" to his birth mom (although my husband did get to give him the first bottle...that he spit up all over...and began the 5 week journey of discovering that no formula worked and I had to go through the process to nurse him myself).  I know it was the right thing to do to defer to his Tummy Mommy, but it was a bit sad for me nonetheless. Yet, with Rose I am again needing to defer to others for many "firsts" and my heart just needs to be OK with it.  God clearly has her covered:)

Yesterday we had another first in our family...our Beloved is almost 16.  That means that her friends are already 16.  That means that yesterday she got to go with her 16 year old friend shopping...by themselves!  They then came back here and we watched movies:)  It is an ironic time in our family with  one child coming in totally dependent...and one child moving toward independence.  I creates a unique tension.  It is easy to show love to younger kids by cuddling, rocking, or playing together.  It is altogether different to reassure a child who is on the cusp of "I know I am not a child, but still want to be taken care of, but really want to make my own decisions, but I am unsure of what the future holds, etc."  that cannot be done with rocking and cuddling yet still needs to be done.  But...that is for another post another time as I am yet again quite off topic:)

Rose's first night

In vast contrast to two posts ago, life has changed considerably.  The Monday after Thanksgiving we found out that Superman and Faith had 2 sisters - being adopted by another family.  The following Wednesday...we found out that there was another sister born, the day before, and we were asked to be her foster parents and potentially adopt her if that should be the long term outcome.  I have been writing another post with those details, but as the emotions and contemplations are too raw right now, I will save it for another time.

Suffice to say that Superman and Faith have a sister whom we met last Saturday and now get to have for 5 days.  We will then need to give her back to her current foster placement (an amazing, amazing family who loves the Lord deeply) until our paperwork is completed relicensing us for foster care.  The other post is about those details, this post is just for fun:)

When my husband and I left on Thursday to pick her up, the roads were too icy from storm so we just a short distance, enjoyed dinner at our favorite chinese restaurant, and returned home.  We opened a few Christmas presents in lieu of having Rose home with us, and played Wii most of the day:)  Friday we tried again, this time successfully.  My husband and I were very surprised to find ourselves very anxious about the situation...as if we were first time parents or something lol!  Evidence of this was found when my husband turned the wrong way down a one way and I, who usually enjoy talking quite a bit (shocked you, didn't I;) stopped talking all together and my husband (who is usually quite quiet) could not stop talking.  It was a bit comical.

Upon further examining of my emotions I realized that this was not anxiety about bringing another child home, it was about loving a child and possibly having let her go...

I remember when we got the call for JJ.  I was totally shock.  We found out on Friday.  We drove to Utah on Sunday and met the mom Monday.  Tuesday I witnessed his birth.  Wednesday, when JJ was 27 hours old his mother signed the paperwork relinquishing her parental rights and IT WAS DONE!  We had to wait 6 months to finalized the adoption...but IT WAS DONE!  We did not want to go through the uncertainties of foster care again and I could completely and fully love him immediately unlike our previous 3 adoptions where we had to keep our heart in check...and yet here we are.  And we are doing it with open hearts and love for the sister of our children.  We are so incredibly blessed that everything seems to be going forward quickly and seamlessly...at least as much as a process can working with red tape, etc.  However, we know full well that at any moment major changes could happen.

So, to the fun part.  We picked her up and had a sweet time with the current foster parents.  We then drove toward home, but realizing that we did not have a Christmas present for her as it all happened so fast, we decided to stop at Walmart...and right inside the door ran into...the foster family who had Superman and Faith for 3 months before we got them!!!!  These people are such wonderful God fearing and sacrificial people.  They have kept in touch these years and sincerely care for and love Superman and Faith.  When they found out about the baby when I called them last week they said they would pray for the process and I knew they would.  So when God "happened" to put us all together at the same time it was precious:)  

We then got home and Rose could not have gotten more kisses and love.  Even JJ is loving her immensely.  Superman loved to hold her calmly while speaking his love for her.  Grace is just beside her self with the cute girl clothes that she wants to put on her dolls:)  Faith is a bit more subdued than Superman, but excited nonetheless.  It is an odd feeling to bring a child into the home not necessarily thinking of her as "my" child but thinking of her as my children's sister.  It reminds me to be less possessive of her and more generous of their time with her.

I stuck her in the wrap and she fell asleep on my chest, then JJ curled up and fell asleep there too:)  It was very, very sweet as he had his hand over and and is very protective of her.  JJ fed her her first bottle here:)

Unfortunately this was by 6:30 p.m.  I knew that meant that he would not sleep all night long...I was right.  I sat up holding Rose until 1:30 mindful that I would only have 4 1/2 days with her before we have to drive her back.   I crawled into bed...and JJ got up at 1:45.  He wanted a bottle (yes, he is still on a bottle, but as he is finally eating real food he is taking a bottle much less!) so we did that.  Then he heard the baby and ...he was up until 4:30 cooing and touching her.  You would have thought he gave birth to her himself how proud and excited he was with smiles and talking all about her (as much as his incoherent babbles could be understood).  He finally went back to sleep and Rose got up at 5:30.  You get the picture. 

So today we are just hanging out a bit brain dead.  Rose was actually awake for 3 hours this morning (she had slept the entire time since we got home, rooting around just enough to be fed and go back to sleep).  The kids all kissed and touched her so much I think that kept her awake lol!  JJ kept saying "I kissed my sister" (well, actually it sounded more like I kid my didder).  Superman is the essence of a loving big brother.  He is attentive, gentle, and thoughtful.  To think he is the middle child in our home...but biologically the oldest of 5 children...  Anyway, it has been a sweet time.

I am thankful that Rose is not having problems sleeping or eating...obviously a relief after all of the issues with JJ.  She blew out 2 diapers already this morning and seems very, very sedate and quiet - this makes her very easy...very nice:)  Unfortunately it actually makes me worry that she is "too" sedate lol!  She is a full 2 lbs bigger than JJ was, even though she was born 2 weeks earlier than he was.  Nonetheless she is so incredibly tiny I cannot even remember JJ being that small!

Oh, I will add that we met the family who has the other 2 sisters and they are also amazing.  We got much more information about situations and we have complete peace about the outcome of that situation:)

 Just a snippet into the major turn of events in our home over the past 3 weeks!