One year ago Grace left our home to go into residential treatment. A year. That is a long time. I have tried to write about this many times but I don't really have anything positive to say about it, and it has been hard for me to have any resolution about any of it. Our interactions with her are complicated and I often have a lot of anxiety about it. She has had one birthday and will have at least one more before she comes home. The pandemic has made it so difficult to have contact (just like with the rest of the world). We get weekly phone calls and have had 3 face to face visits since March. 1 of them went ok. With that said, the current plan for the holidays is to let all of the kids go home for 10 days.
Yes, 10 days. After not getting to spend more than 5 hours total with her since March, and that in a supervised setting that often did not go well, we will have her home with us for 10 days. Please pray for that visit if you think of it. I am anxious. We are all anxious.
It has been a year of learning how to love her from afar knowing she has to make the choices to think and act responsibly. We cannot do that for her. We are thankful for the staff and the program. They keep working with her and trying to encourage us along the way too:) Obviously the same goes for Faith who has been gone there since March. She is making really good progress though and we are hopeful she will be home by next summer. At this point it looks like Grace will be there a lot longer than Faith will.
Meanwhile, at home we have learned what a healthy home can look like. The boys have come a long way and we have healed a lot as a family of 5. The time together due to the pandemic has been peaceful and healing for us. We have enjoyed all of the time we have had together.
Unfortunately after the initial months of us being really intentional about being together, playing games, connecting, etc it has become routine. Between that, my insanely busy work schedule due to the negative impact of this pandemic on mental health, and Superman going back to school/sports and being gone 12 hours a day we are a bit disconnected again. Fear of the future of economy, election, and finances are more prominent for me that I would like and is having a negative impact on me. Add to that my sadness and fears about how Grace is doing and decisions we need to make about Faith I have been struggling.
If you think of it, please pray for Grace to understand and take responsibility for her choices. To do what is right. Please pray for Faith that the many gains she is showing right now are authentic, and for us to have wisdom and discernment about when she is to return home. There is a slight possibility that she will be able to come home even at Christmas (to come home for the break and then not return). However, we struggle to know if she is just doing well now and hasn't really embraced the change - therefore if we bring her home prematurely we will have to do this all over again. Again, prayer for the discernment of that decision is coveted!
And, again, please pray that Christmas break would be a relaxing connecting time for our family. Not full of anxiety, conflict, hostility, and fear.
Everyone in the world is experiencing their own fears and anxieties with their own life situations. Thank you for caring about ours and being an encouragement and prayer support to us:)
