Random life and kid updates

One of my most treasured memories from our recent vacation was getting to spend time with each child alone talking about deeper topics than normal.  I particularly recall the one with Buddy, our very picky eater, who was giving me wonderful compliments about how much he appreciates me being his mother...but then added "although your cooking could be improved."  Unfortunately, I cannot disagree at all!  Buddy knows how to heat, add a spice, add a little something to make a bland food (the kind I cook) into something that is really delicious.  I guess it is kind of how I dress or keep house.  I am practical with no frills/bling.  I enjoy seeing those extras in others (and eating the extra special food) but I have no motivation or creativity to do it myself lol!

We have an addition on our home where lots of "extras" get put throughout the wintertime when I get in a cleaning frenzy and don't have anywhere else to put things.  Yesterday my husband and I got it cleaned out and filled our big van with things to take to the Rescue Mission.  My husband look 3 kids fishing today and dropped off those items.  He then went to Menards and Walmart...so we will now have more projects to get completed:)  We are getting a new driveway, so my husband removed some pavement block we had in the way and moved them to our backyard where he is creating a bit of a secluded patio quiet space.  He is a gem:)

Our gardens are planted.  We have the usual space and then Buddy built us 2 garden boxes.  Beautiful and Buddy each have one to take care of for the summer...planting to harvest.  With only 8 plants each I hope they stay on top of it well.  They already help with all of the canning at harvest time so that will not be new to them.

Beautiful started her job as a lifeguard last weekend.  It has been cool and rainy so today is her first full day of work.  She really enjoys being a lifeguard...it brings out her natural enjoyment of being in authority over others;)  We are entering the conversations on her buying a car.  Yikes!!

Superman has been reading like no other.  I can't keep ahead of him lol!  We have all of the YWAM books on missionaries/inventors/political persons (like George Washington and Abraham Lincoln).  He reads a book in 2 - 3 days.  He is a boy after my own heart!  He also really enjoys basketball and can be found outside shooting hoops frequently:)

Faith continues to work hard with her studies.  She is a stellar student.  The girls are in an interesting place right now relationally and I think that Faith is trying to find the new normal with some changes that have taken place.  She also continues to grieve the loss of her 1/2 sister (as do we all) and it has brought up many tough conversations.  The other night the kids initiated a very difficult conversation on prenatal drug/alcohol exposure and how it affects the child, how it impacts HHS involvement, how it affects the capacity for relationships/learning/etc later in life.  My husband and I believe that our children should not have information kept from them, even on hard topic, but that we should use discretion on how it is discussed or what age needs what information.  Faith is the one who asks the hardest and most pointed questions, reading "between the lines" of what my husband and I are not saying forcing the topics to be discussed.  We very much do not want our kids to think ill of their biological parents, but we also want them to think realistically.  That line is not clean or easy.

JJ loves to play outside.  We have noticed that in the last two days he is getting darker and darker.  We wondered if it was sun exposure.  Superman and Faith are already so dark that they don't get darker in the sun.  But then I gave JJ a bath and he was back to his normal color;)

Grace...I find that there is a place in Grace's behavior when she is difficult that I can make jokes and comments about it trying to find the humor in it and we can move forward.  However, there is then the place where her behavior is so...difficult...that I can't even wrap my head around it and just isolate.  That is where we have been as of late.  We have had to make major, major changes to the structure of our home lately and it has created significant upheaval for several family members.  We finally had to move kids around so she is in a room by herself.  That means that the boys were uprooted from their room.  That means that JJ wakes up every night and seeks us out because he is not in "his" bed and he fights naps because it is not "his" bed.  That also means I am getting less sleep.  I can tell:(  We also had to structure the dynamics of child interactions in a way that the kids are having to get used to new increased boundaries and rules.  That is keeping us all a little "off" until we can get used to this new normal.  Finally, I marched Grace back to the physician and we added another medication.  It is so ironic to me that we tried for years to do this without meds and now I am realizing that it is a necessary part of life.  Anyway, yesterday was the first day in MANY months that at the end of the day I actually felt a lightness on my chest and thought "this is a good day."  Not a terrible day.  Not even a day that I was able to endure.  But is was a good day.  I am not so naive as to think it is the new normal but we will keep adjusting.  We are wishing we would understand what THE issue was that made her behavior so much calmer yesterday so we can replicate it.  We will figure it out:)

We are realizing that JJ will be 3 soon.  He will start asking questions about his birth family.  He already loves to look at the pictures of his birth mom, but obviously doesn't really understand who she is.  We are trying to prepare for that conversation whether it be in a year or whenever he asks the first time "who is my birth mom" and then the tough one "who is my birth dad?"  We have written to his birth mom to see her thoughts on us contacting the birth dad.  She responded to another portion of my email but did not answer that question...so we will wait to see what we do.  We know how to contact him.  But we want to honor his birth mom and know she has continued contact with him due to visitation with JJ's older sister and him.  So...we will pray that God makes it clear what we are to do about this so we can best help JJ know who he is (aside from being our adorable, precious, silly, loud, won't allow himself to be forgotten little sweetness:).  We kind of take our cues from the other 3 kids on the questions they ask to see how we can prepare for the conversations with him.

Finally, with all of these things going on and the learning curves of life we...bought a new computer...and it has Windows 8.  Ugg.  What in the world was I thinking!!!!!  

Our Branson Adventure

Saturday we headed out for Branson, MO.  We have always wanted to go there and we finally did it!  Our 16 year old is about out of the house and our 2 year old is finally old enough to do some things with, so we are striking while the iron is hot:)  We have another trip planned for this year, and 1 or 2 for next year.  We are excited about these trips and the family time we will have:)  Losing Rose really solidified for us that we don't know how long we have our children, so we need to quit putting the money away "for a rainy day" and choose to spend this time together uniting as one now. 

The trip started out relatively smooth.  We only missed our target departure time by 1 hour;)  After a few hours JJ vomited all over himself and his car seat:(  He seems to have the same problem that Buddy had when he was younger...easily getting car sick when traveling too early in the day.  Pretty much the trip went as well as it could with 8 of us in a van together for 9 hours:)  Missouri is such a pretty state.  It was so green and hilly with so many trees, although I will admit that I prefer my state's relatively flatness and 1 mile square roads:)  The 1 bedroom condo where we stayed was a pleasant surprise.  We were pleased with its size, the nice full kitchen, and the very necessary washer and dryer!

Sunday was Mother's Day.  My husband rented a boat for 12 hours and took the boys fishing.  Superman was thrilled with the entire day of fishing with his dad.  He has a good temperment for being still.  Buddy slept in late, then my husband came back to pick him up on the dock:)  The rest of us hiked around, sat on the docks, and played on the playground equipment.  Beautiful got in the boat in the afternoon and I took the rest of the kids back to the condo to...take a nap.  Happy Mother's Day to me!  It was so QUIET and peaceful:)  It was absolutely hilarious to watching JJ try to walk up and down the hills and non-flat roads.  He kept saying "whoa whoa whoa!" while he arms flung out to help him keep balance lol!  Faith clung to me in the middle of the road saying that she thought she would fall off of the road (into the grass).  Silly kids!

Monday we went to the Titanic Museum.  We were impressed with the layout and education.  It has a self-guide function where an electronic device you wear around your neck tells you more specifics about the topic at hand.  Grace LOVED that feature and it kept her interested and focused.  YAY!  The staff were dressed up in period costume and spoke in accents making the Middles not understand what they were saying.  One older teenage male worker followed our family through several rooms.  While Beautiful and I were reading some literature on the wall, including a poem, the man looked right at Beautiful and recited the poem to her...awkward...but unfortunately not an atypical response of males to her.  It is a good thing that my husband is a hunter!  But...I digress...

Monday evening we went to the Dixie Stampede.  It was wonderful!  We enjoyed a very extensive meal and were in the front row to see the ostriches, horses, buffalo, as well as the rest of the show.  It was very, very impressive.  I did not know what to expect, thinking maybe it was more like a rodeo when it ended up being a story/comedy/history lesson with fun animal involvement/horse riding.  My only regret was that I had to keep trying to keep kids eating when they just wanted to watch the show...thus I felt that I missed getting to be focused on the show.  I finally gave up and just put the food in the to go containers:)  We left and did some hiking by the lake.  There was a very nice hiking trail there and we all enjoy this activity:)

Tuesday we drove up to Springfield to go to Bass Pro Shop and Fantastic Caverns.  I was not looking forward to the first stop, and I was very pleasantly surprised to see it.  The fish, crocodiles, and turtles made the live animals fun to watch.  But the taxidermy displays were fantastic!!!  Yes, I am married to a taxidermist...but it really was something to see and all of the kids really enjoyed it.  After that we went on the driving through tour of a cave.  It was good for the kids to see a cave without feeling like they were in a small place.  My husband and I loved going through Mammoth Cave with Beautiful when she was 17 months old so wanted our kids to see a cave too...without it being too hard on us to usher them all through:)

Wednesday my husband went fishing again for the morning, then he stayed back with JJ while the rest of us went to the Sight and Sound Theater production of Joseph.  Wow!  Wow!  Wow!  We will definitely be purchasing their plays on DVD to watch over and over.  We had to do quite a bit of talking to get our antisocial 13 year old to be willing to go to the majority of the events this week.  He is very much a homebody.  However, after he was forced to attend this play...he admitted that it was the highlight of the trip (AND he actually enjoyed all of the other activities we did...after the fact) lol!  All of us agreed.  I was so sad that my husband didn't get to go, but thankfully we can buy the DVD's:) 

Thursday we went to Silver Dollar City.  It was not too crowded and we only had to wait 1 round to get on rides.  It started to rain in the afternoon so we hung out in the huge kid fort/air compressor nerf ball gun shooting covered area for a couple of hours.  That was by far the highlight of SDC for the kids lol!  Again, our 13 year old was NOT impressed with the rides but he absolutely loved this area.  He and Superman teamed at the guns while the girls and JJ sat below and used the vacuum hoses to suck up the nerf balls to go back to the top for the boys.  Whoever created this place was very creative!  We left a little early due to the rain.  Beautiful watched the kids while my husband took me out to Red Lobster for supper:)

Friday we spent the whole day at SDC again.  It was hot in the afternoon so we went on some water rides.  The Middles thought it was great.  Beautiful finally convinced Buddy to go on one ride lol!  My husband is usually the active parent who engages the kids in activities while I deal with logistics.  However, amusement park rides are my domain:)  When I was a young child my mother and her husband took us to Valleyfair in Shakopee, MN every summer.  We were strongly encouraged to work through any fear and try all of the rides. I loved it!  However, I went as an adult when newly pregnant with Buddy and since then I tend to get a bit nauseated after while on rides.  So, by the end of the 2nd day of spinning rides on this trip I finally had to stop:(  Beautiful watched the kids in the kid fort area while my husband and I took our only child who was brave enough, Superman, on the 1 hour walking cave tour.  We really enjoyed the tour and getting to spend that time one on one with Superman.  It was not as difficult as the Mammoth Cave tour and was pretty good.  We were happy to get back to the condo that night, pack, and prepare to go home.  It was definitely a vacation that we were ready to come home from lol!

As for family time, we certainly got our fill of each other!  It was funny that when we take JJ to Sunday School he usually is very clingy and cries.  However, they day after we got back he went right in and sat down and didn't say a peep.  Even he had enough of me lol!  8 people in a 1 bedroom condo, as nice as it was, was character building.  We got to spend some good time with each of the kids having deep conversations.  We were able to see more into our children's hearts. 

Sleep was a challenge.  Grace is so restless even when she sleeps.  She is so hyper when she is awake.  The loss of structure and a place to have her be able to calm alone was difficult.  I was so thankful that we went on an off week where there was no one above or below us in the condo, and only a few nights we had people to the sides of us.  The noise level of having this child around, especially when she is insisting that her siblings give into her or is angry with being told "no" can be heard for blocks!  Just in case you are wondering, taking a child with ADHD to an amusement park, even when medicated, is not a calm experience;)  I had foolishly thought that the spinning and motion would be soothing...nope.

Grace turned 7 while we were there.  She woke up extra early that morning, sat up and looked at us from her bed, and insisted that we start to sing her Happy Birthday immediately.  It was a special time to celebrate all 4 our our kids' birthday's down there who have birthday's in May and June. 

I will admit that not having internet access for fb or email while we were there was about enough to drive me to distraction.  We could have paid to have access, but the amount of money we spent on activities was outrageous.  I rebelled against paying for internet:)  I did manage to read several books on the trip.  That is an area that Superman definitely takes after me.  He read an autobiography of Abraham Lincoln and Daniel Boone while we were there.  That's my boy!! 

I am so excited about the things that we did in Branson that I am giddy with summer unit study ideas.  We are going to watch documentaries on the Titanic and caves, and read historical fiction books from the Civil War time period.  Hopefully the kids will be as excited as I am about this;)  But first...I need to recuperate from the vacation and get some sleep lol!

Rose is 6 months old today...

Today is a bittersweet day.  Rose is 6 months old.  It is the day that if the dad had not be located by now we could have moved forward with adopting her.  It is the day we marked on the calendar and looked forward to with trepidation, daring to hope that we would get to adopt her.  Obviously things did not work out the way that we had hoped.  Most days I handle this well.  Most days I can be philosophical about it and push the reality of losing her to the back of my mind as I focus on the 6 gifts that we do get to have. 

Reminders like this anniversary date hurt.  Walking through Wal Mart and seeing the little girls clothes section hurts.  Seeing African American baby girls hurts (thankfully there are not many around here).  Thankfully, most of my memories of her of a little baby so I don't think of her too much being 6 months, I'm sure rolling around, getting ready to crawl, etc.  Days like this remind me of the seed of bitterness that I still have for the whole ridiculous mess.

So, we move forward.  Today we celebrate Buddy's birthday by going to a movie.  We will  have birthday cake.  We will prepare for a vacation where we plan to have fun as our family of 8.  I have Chris Tomlin playing loudly in the background as I attempt to keep His praises on my lips and permeate my soul lest the anger take hold.  I remind myself of a blog post I read Thursday that was a gentle yet convicting reminder that life with our children is a lot like watching the bubbles the kids play with outdoors.  They are beautiful.  They are fun.  They are constantly changing.  And they don't last long.  We must enjoy them while we have them as, because like everything else in this world, they are fleeting.

Striving to be thankful for what I have.  Longing for Jesus.  Persevering to put one foot in front of the other and do my best to carry out His will for me, including accepting the painful refinement and pruning that comes with the heartache and tears of this depraved and fallen world.