3+ weeks into the "new normal"

I have had a lot of moments in the past 3+ weeks where I have been struck by the changes we are seeing in Grace.  I cannot describe how much calmer things feel in our home as a whole.  I cannot explain how emotional it has been for me to catch more and more glimpses into the "real" Grace while the "noise" of her behaviors is reduced.

It is hard for me to articulate exactly what is different.  If you do not have a child with ADHD, or do not know our Grace well, you would not think that the changes that I describe here are any big deal.  I have tried to think about the difference of "before" these supplements and "after" the supplements in qualitative terms and will try to share them efficiently here.

Some of the things that we are noticing are:

* yesterday in church she, for the very first time, actually filled out the sermon notes sheet and was not even asked to do so.  She did not doodle AT ALL and KEPT HER ATTENTION for the entire 45 minute sermon (focused on writing out the sermon notes).  She turned around to look behind her exactly ONE TIME.  If you know our Grace, this point right here is enough for you to know how changed that she is.

*yesterday afternoon she was crying and talking about her adoption situation.  She sat, focused and attentive (and tearful), while I explained to her the situation and my understanding of why what happened happened.  She sat on my lap and clung to me.  I left for Bible study later and when I returned I found a note from her in my slipper that said in part, "I'm glad to be with you mom and dad."  Not only is she now able to actually feel emotion, but she is able to process and contemplate.  Normally she just has unmodulated emotions that she is unable to process and would not be able to actually sit attentively and thoughtfully through an explanation and then assimilate that information and heal.

*She is starting to notice how her "friends" treat her and that some of their behavior may be due to her behavior.  Insightful...and very new.

*She is initiating letting others go first.  Ok, another example of something huge to us that probably means nothing to anyone else.

*We have been able to take her off of one of the sleeping pills!  We used to have to give her one of the sleeping pills at supper time just to attempt to get through the evening (the ADHD meds wear off at suppertime) but no longer.  She is have very calm and lovely evenings!

*She is eating better and gaining weight!

*We purchased a trampoline for inside the house.  Between using that when she is getting a little wired and switching from a shower to a bath again she is getting good sensory input and those things are really helping to calm her.  Before we would try these sensory things and she would not necessarily be calmed and rebelled against the efforts feeling that they were discipline rather than trying to help her.

*She is much, much more physical.  She wants a lot more reassurances and hugs and touches.  Before she seemed to need them but was flipping around and moving so much that it wasn't real cuddling.  Now she asks for it more and it, again, seems to actually calm her.

*She talks less.  YAY!!!!  lol:)

*Mornings are SOO much quieter and calmer.  Although she does seem to being having an increase in nightmares...  :(  

*She can still be pretty oppositional, but it is nothing like it was before.  We are now dealing with more "normal" rebellious behavior of a 7 year old rather than the frantic impulsivity of the ADHD.


Some of you have asked me about the supplements that we use.  We are using a company called Neuroscience.  Their website is www.neurorelief.org if you want to check it out.

Our Calm (Yes! I said CALM lol!) Saturday:) A first of its kind of day with Grace.

We have had such a calm day.  I actually do not have a memory of a day that has been so calm, and for so long, when I was actually in the presence of my children.  Well, actually, with Grace.  I have been contemplating all day why it is so calm and what is really different.  I realized that posting about what is "better" may actually be a better post than writing about what is usually...well...not so great.

Last Saturday was my birthday.  It, too, was a very special and calm day.  However, the reality is that Buddy stayed home with Superman and Faith and a very, very dear friend took Grace for 5+ hours.  My husband and I went to a couple of basketball games that Beautiful couldn't play in due to her broken finger but we wanted to support the team nonetheless.  It was so different to talk with adults instead of containing children lol!  JJ sat quietly and still with my Kindle:)  Then we took Beautiful and her special friend out for Chinese food for lunch.  My love language is acts of service so I had asked my husband to just pamper me for the day and I didn't need anything else.  He did a very nice job:)  However, I do feel a probably unhealthy amount of guilt that I do not usually have such relaxing days when I am actually in the presence of all of my children...  After all, children are a blessing from the Lord, so He says!

So...back to my purpose for this post lol!

*Grace was blessedly calm when she woke this morning.  She did not make extra noise and did not come to my side of the bed insisting on some request (demand) that she knows she cannot have.

*Grace did have a bit of a problem before breakfast.  My husband and I took her to task and would not accept her sullen responses, hiding under the table from us in opposition to our scolding, plugging her ears so she could not hear us, interrupting us saying "I know!  I know!", etc.  We realized that she had just taken her meds so it would be a bit before she could "function."  She, however, did "function" much quicker than usual and actually...well...heard us.  She stopped her behavior and turned it around.  I also have no memory of her ever doing that before.  Usually she escalates and ends up in her bedroom for awhile (or long while) while the rest of the family attempts to lower their blood pressures.

*When I had told her that she would not get to do a special thing due to her behavior and a hour later after she had turned her behavior around I gave her the special thing, she would not take it, looked me in the eye, and said "I am not allowed to do that today" instead of just doing it and trying to get away with it thinking that I forgot.  I smiled and told her that was "mercy" and we had a great talk about grace and mercy as a result.

*My husband drove Beautiful, Buddy, and Beautiful's basketball team to the UNL women's basketball game today.  That left me home with the 4.  JJ woke up very slowly this morning and clung to me for 2 hours before he finally got off of my lap to play.  Grace did not get into trouble during that time even though I could not have my eyes on her constantly.  I have been really excited to actually be getting things done while not so bogged down with behavior control and frustration.  My husband actually had to make me go to bed at 12:30 this morning because I was full of energy and cleaning the bathrooms.  It is such a weight lifted to have the house calmer.  I can not explain it well.

*My husband got me a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup package for Christmas.  There are only two in a package and I had no idea that they made them so HUGE!  I have eaten about 1/2 of 1 in 6 weeks.  When life is really tough I go to its hiding place and take a bite.  Is there anything more amazing than chocolate and peanut butter...especially when you are on your last nerve?  I didn't think so lol!  Anyway, I realized today that I have not taken a bite in over a week!

*Once JJ finally felt safe/happy/awake/whatever enough to get off my lap it was after 12:30.  I have made such progress on projects in the past 10 days that I had decided today was time for a fun project (and was wondering if he would be on my lap all day making me get nothing done!).  Over the past 10 days I finished out the 2013 paperwork and am ready for taxes.  I got the 2014 paperwork all switched over.  I went through the budgets and all of that mind frying stuff, and I actually cleaned my desk off and filed.  Yes!  The floors were all vacuumed, the dishes done, the bedrooms clean, the bathrooms clean, and Faith's hair is done (it was soooo much over due...she had extensions falling out it was so far overdue!)  So, the girls have been begging to learn to sew.  I had cut a bunch of flannel and denim squares 3 months ago that I have not had time to sew so decided that today was the day to start it.  I don't think I have sewed a quilt in perhaps 6 or 7 years.  I can't sew anything else at all lol!  Denim quilts are super easy:)

*I set up my sewing machine close to the dining room window (I may not need glasses but I sure do know I have better sight in bright natural sunlight with my increasing age;) and told Grace she got to be my helper and she was thrilled.  Superman and Faith played Wii with JJ.
*She did NOT talk constantly.
*She set out the squares for me so I could just keep sewing.  She was able to actually remember and follow my directions on how to do it.
*She was able to multi-task between putting the squares together and organizing them where I could reach them.
*She stayed on task throughout the ENTIRE project (until the squares were all used up - man it takes a lot squares for a quilt!  I have much more cutting to do!)
*When Faith came in and offered to help Grace actually suggested a task for her to be able to help as opposed to pushing her off and saying she could not help.
*I ACTUALLY TRUSTED THE CHILD WITH A SCISSORS...AND SHE DID WELL!!!!!!!!!!!!
*OK, that one actually makes me cry.  You.have.no idea.
*she cut apart the fabric squares carefully, never getting careless or impulsive or losing focus.
*She had Faith stack the squares after cut.
*When that pile was done she, yes SHE, suggested that next time Faith get to cut and they would TAKE TURNS!  This from a child whose impulsivity demands that she is first to do all things and will push her siblings down the stairs in an attempt to reach the top first.
*Then, THEN, she said, "Oh Faith, I should have let YOU cut FIRST.  I will give you my NEXT TWO TURNS since I did it first and did not think of you."
*Yep, more tears.

*When she offered to feed JJ a piece of cake (he is goofy about not getting his hands dirty with food and 90% of the time insists that we feed him) and he said "no" she ACTUALLY STOPPED AND DID NOT FORCE HIM!  Usually the word "no" means "do it faster and harder" to her.

*when told "no" she did not ask the same question 10, 20, 30 times or whine about being told "no."

*When her brother hit her she came directly to me to solve it rather than fight back.  She was calm, not whining or accusing, and she totally handled it well!

*When she saw that something was moved she actually ASKED (genuinely and honesty) how it happened rather than accuse one of her siblings of being naughty and trying to get them into trouble.

*We then had the issue when I ran out of flannel and searched the closets thoroughly for the rest.  I was sure that I had not cut all of it, but it was 3 months ago.  That got me incredibly sidetracked.  I spent the next 3 hours going through 6 boxes of miscellaneous "craft materials" after I could not find the flannel in the fabric box (but the other boxes were sitting next to it and just driving me crazy with disorganization!)  I have not gone through or used anything in those boxes for over 7 years.  I threw away 2 boxes of junk and organized the rest into type (painting box, beading box, etc).  Grace handled the distraction all very well.  She played Wii appropriately without causing problems with the other kids.  I thought that getting her off of an organized task would be bad news, but it all went extremely well.  JJ saw the paint and wanted to do that, and sat very calmly painting for awhile.  Then he and the girls played with some modeling clay that I found and did well sharing and being creative.  That was probably a 3 hour process.  I am so thankful for the organizing I got done and that she handled the unstructured time so well!

*While she was playing with the clay with JJ she made a couple of interesting comments.  "It has been so quiet today!"  I marveling at that myself but to have her notice it was very interesting.  The other comment was about JJ's speech.  She is around him all of the time, yet tonight during the clay shaping she was listening to him try to stay words and after awhile said, "you know, he really can't talk very well."  I think that she is always talking "at" him and not "with" him and really has never noticed.

*I only had to discipline each kid 1 time today.  Superman and Faith got a little worked up competing at Wii and each had to sit a bit. Whenever I had to scold JJ he actually stopped immediately, looked at me, and said, "sorry mamma" ...right away!  Clearly it was a reminder to me that he is usually  mimicking what he is seeing and today he saw something much different than usual.  Also, it just speaks to the general low-key emotions of the day.  Tonight Grace went to her bedroom playing (they ran crazy through the house for an hour playing some game together NICELY, I never had to stop them due to getting out of hand.  It was a FIRST!) and slammed the door.  When she got upstairs I called her to me and started to remind her about the rules with no door slamming.  She walked away and I called her back.  She came right to me, looked me in the eye, and honestly said she was sorry.  I could "see" in her eyes that she was hearing me and not just blowing me off...if that makes any sense.

*Then, I am sure due to the general calmness of the day and the safety that it allowed Superman came to me, USED HIS WORDS, and ASKED ME FOR SNUGGLE TIME!!!  That is a major, major deal in our house.  It speaks very much to the change in the feel of our day.

I hope that this lasts.  For the sake of all 8 of us.  It was a beautiful and precious day to experience:)

Our new supplement adventure with Grace

We are on a new adventure with supplements with Grace.  Her behavior over the past 6 weeks has gotten so bad that I was at the end of my rope (as was everyone else in the house).  The school was telling us that they were having significant difficulties with her as well and, just like at home, they were not able to make progress with her educationally.  In my January blog post I did a synopsis of how things were going and her behavior (check that out if you didn't read it yet).  We have all been very stressed.

When I went to the Trust Based Relational Intervention (TBRI) training at TCU just over 2 years ago I learned about neurotransmitter testing.  I was very interested in learning about the neurochemistry of kids who have prenatal exposure and early exposure to trauma (traumatic births, early hospitalizations, early trauma/abuse, etc).  The effects on a person's neurochemistry can be altered in a way that we see a lot of "behaviors."  TBRI taught us how to work behaviorally with a child/family to help alleviate behaviors (mostly with "trust" interventions), but it also taught us about the building blocks of a person's behavior being neurochemical.  So...I did not know how to go about testing our kids for this.  I knew about the company but not how to find a provider.  With several cases that I am dealing with right now I consulted with several people who use it in other states (in particular with kids with Autism and Asperger's Syndrome) and they had very promising results.

We decided to try it with Grace.  We are at a point where we are grasping at straws for out household's sanity.  I contemplate writing a post about the realities of living with a child with ADHD but just can't quite pull it off yet without sounding like I am complaining.  It has been a very, very hard month and I was stretched very thin.  Since we did this testing and Grace's behavior has improved so that she doesn't need as frequent of interventions and the household as a whole is calmer I have made a huge dent in my project list and life feels calmer for all:)

Essentially, a person submits a urine, saliva, or blood sample to the lab company (we do urine).  The test kit is dependent on exactly which neurotransmitters are being tested.  Everyone has both inhibitory and excitatory neurotransmitters.  Think Serotonin and and GABA as "calming" and Histamine, Dopamine, Epinepherine, etc as "exciting."  The lab then gives a specific recommendation of supplements that work directly on the neurotransmitters.  These aren't vitamins but are specifically targeting neurotransmitters.  

When we got Grace's results back to say I was shocked was an understatement.  I knew the results of others' profiles coupled with their behaviors and they had 2 or 3 neurotransmitters either too low and/or too high.  We tested 9 for Grace...and all 9 of them were extremely high...way too high.  We started the recommended supplements and for the first week there was no change at all.  We were very disappointed.  The second week we doubled them...and thankfully we have seen some very calming results!  

The times of the day that have always been the worse are before the ADHD med takes effect in the morning and after it wears off around supper.  Those times have seen the biggest improvement.  Her nightmares are less frequent so we are all sleeping better.  A huge problem has always been the morning as she wakes early and cannot be quiet (or compliant) so disrupts the household and gets the day started on the wrong foot for everyone.  She is now calmly and quietly (yes!! I said QUIETLY!!!) laying in her bed until I get up and she helps me make breakfast/reads the Bible with me/etc.  Her nighttime temper tantrums are less frequent.  It so much more pleasant to not have her screaming for 30 - 90 minutes at bedtime preventing others' from falling asleep.  She has been on two sleep medications for 9 months that have greatly helped with this as well, but recently it was worsening again and her general agitation at night was escalating.  In AWANA (after supper) she has been very disruptive and cannot recall her verses (if she has actually even been able to memorize them).  She hasn't been to AWANA since we started this so we will have to see if this is better.

Over the past 6 weeks the time frame she is actually on the ADHD medication has also become increasingly difficult.  Home school and the time she is at the public school for intervention has been almost a futile effort.  She simply cannot sit still long enough, and cannot focus at all, to be able to retain information.  She is also getting more emotional and lamenting and understanding more that she hurts others and cannot control her impulsivity and hyperactive behavior.  It is affecting how she thinks about herself.  It is affecting how she feels about herself.  It is very hard to watch.  She was hurting her siblings with her inability to think ahead that behaviors may be dangerous, she was much more argumentative than usual (ALWAYS present but it was more exhausting than usual), and so many more behaviors than I have the energy to go into now.  

So, we will continue to watch this and pray that it helps her neurologically so that we have more real change than just a bandaid for the problem.  We are hopeful that if she can be biologically calmer then we can have more impact behaviorally and spiritually.

This neurotransmitter testing can be so helpful for so many types of symptoms and behaviors.  Depression that is actually biological, those on the Autism Spectrum, ADHD, survivors of various types of trauma that has affected their biochemistry, etc.  I am very hopeful.  My DVD's on the topic are loaned out to a psychiatrist right now who is very interested in this and I am hopeful that he will also be able to impact others with this option.  

We shall see...but in the meantime I am soooo thankful for a week that has been calm (for our house) and everyone's agitation has come down from about a "10+" to maybe a 7 or 8 just with Grace being calmer.  It has been delightful:)