Flowers and Vulnerability

My husband and I have a standing agreement: he is never to get me flowers.  My husband is a gift person.  He loves to give me flowers. Well, he used to give me flowers. But then I told him not to bother - either buy me a plant that is alive or some other practical gift, but don't buy me something that is already dead.  It is a waste of money.

So, today when someone gave me flowers it shook up the natural order of things in our house...
because..

I cried.

What????

I pride myself on being practical.  Yeah, yeah, yeah...I notice the danger with that word pride.  I grew up in a home where there was very little praise.  Mostly anything was praise that simply was the absence of  telling me to something faster, or better, or more, or something.  I really only got praise for one area in my life (and that praise was infrequent but it was praise) and that was for my academic ability.  So, I went with it and had my doctorate degree at age 25.

Anyway, I love Gary Chapman's concept of Love Languages.  I recommend it for almost all people that I see.  If you have not heard of it, I highly, highly, highly recommend reading his book.

His idea that a person has a "love tank" that, like a fuel tank, needs to be filled with the correct kind of fuel for that vehicle is one that is very helpful when we think of how we seek to "love" on other and how we feel "love" in return.

The 5 Languages are: Physical Touch, Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Gifts, and Acts of Service.

We already know where I stand on Gifts.

I am an Acts of Service person through and through.  At least that is what I thought.   A few months ago my husband and I took one of the online quizzes for fun to find out what we matched up to be.  I was not surprised to find that I am Acts of Service, but I was shocked to find just how high my Quality Time and Words of Affirmation scores were.  After all, I have NO quality time to spend with anyone except my family - and I hardly ever call it quality time since it seems to all be "don't," "stop," "do this," "why didn't you do this," and "why in the WORLD would you EVER do THAT?!?!?!"

Additionally, I have thought of Words of Affirmation as being weak.  After all, if I have done a good job I know it.  I don't need someone to give me a pat on the back.  If I have done a bad job, I also know it and I surely don't like it when someone point that out!

What I haven't really thought about before though is how much I actually do need Words of Affirmation.  I won't let myself accept that because it places me in a position I really, really dislike...vulnerability.    I have spent most of my life pulling myself up by my bootstraps.  God has spent a lot of time reminding me that I desperately need him and he does not think my "works" are worth a hoot.  He wants my heart.  He wants me.  But, I often forget that lesson and get wrapped back up in what I can count on...my own service (yes, you can laugh at my foolishness).

The problem with that is that I am empty.  Plum empty.  I have poured myself out into my Acts of Service and I have got nothing left.  I am struggling to refuel.  I find that most of what I think about are complaints.  So, I escape into my books where the world turns out perfect with no conflicts.  But, that is so incredibly not reality.  So, I keep asking myself what I need to do get filled back up.  I worship.  I read my Bible.  I meditate on the truths about and of God.  What is my problem?

Today God took a small gift (don't think that I miss the irony) and broke the issue wide open for me.

Today some parents sent me flowers to say "thank you."  I cried.  Then my husband looked at me like I had 7 heads and said, "What is up with that?!?!  You liked getting flowers?!?!?!  You never like it when I get you flowers?!?!?!"

I realized that it was not the flowers, but it was the message...I was being appreciated.

Getting flowers today was such a touching gift.  It really opened some scars for me and made me think about things differently.  It also made me remember the times when others have given me small tokens of appreciation (a couple of ladies in particular have given me balloons and cards over the years) and I still remember those gifts so incredibly fondly and am still deeply touched by their time for that small act.  In fact, I assumed when I saw the flowers today that they were from one of them lol!

So I will ponder this newly discovered need of mine.  I will try to open myself up to more vulnerability and tell people what I need from them.  Even if it is fresh cut flowers;)

Family Pictures!

Family Pictures...the thought of them about gives me the hives.  The anticipation of getting 8 of us ready to take pictures that will define "2014," while having everyone clean and smiling is about enough to prevent me from doing them.

Which is why we hardly ever do family pictures.

 When Beautiful was a baby, I think we did pictures about once a year.  I remember one year she was sleeping before the appointment at Walmart and I had to carry her to the car.  Once we got to Walmart I realized that I had not brought her any shoes...  We went to buy her a pair but I kept talking really loud about how I was silly that I forgot her shoes and so had to buy her a new pair.  I was working at the prison at that time and was quite paranoid that an undercover security officer was going to assume I was shoplifting.  Yeah, I have lots of life altering experiences from working in prisons for 9 years.  But...on with the family pictures.

Once Buddy was born we still managed to take pictures about every year or so, but they weren't necessarily taking professionally.  Then came Grace.  To take formal pictures when we didn't know if she would be a part of the family...or to wait???  Then 4 days before her adoption was final and we could take family pictures Superman and Faith came.  We thought we would have them adopted soon but it took another 18 months...so we never got it done.  Quite honestly, the thought of taking 3 toddlers and 2 older children somewhere to take a formal pictures was way WAY too overwhelming.  Then our church directory picture was done in July of 2010 and we got a formal family pictures!!!!...then JJ came less than a month later...

When JJ was 1 we went to a place a friend recommended in Lincoln.  We were pleased with the photos.

When JJ was 2 we did the amazing photos that are shown on the side of this blog.  They are done every other year by a mom's group south of Aurora.  I LOVED the experience.  The price was even decent - for us it was about $200 to get all 6 of the kids pics, in costumes, group and individual, all of the actual physical pictures in all sizes AND the disk to get as many more as I wanted or used them electronically and in photobooks.  We thought we would do it again this year.  However, the only downside was that my husband and I weren't in the pictures.

So, we did not do any pictures last year and this year we decided to get whole family pictures with a local amazingly talented photographer.  And we did them today:)

I could almost say that preparing for this experience was more stressful for me than our impulsive 7 day in advance planned trip to Disney World this spring.  I am NOT a person who cares about or even has on my radar screen anything related to "looking good."  I am practical and functional.  Most of our clothes come from hand me downs.  I HATE shopping.  One reason I was thrilled to be gone from working for the Dept. of Corrections is that I no longer had to adhere to a dress code.  I may be more casually dressed for what people expect when they come to my office, but I am comfortable lol!  Monochromatic colors work great as they don't clash with anything.  Denim is my friend:)

So, trying to think of how to find 8 outfits in our house that would all match up was... AHHHHHHH!  I tried going with all green when there were only 4 of us and it was not a good outcome.

So, I decided we would all match.  We would all wear WHITE!

We went to Kohls and we found white shirts.  We couldn't all find matching white shirts so just Beautiful and I wore different shirts from the rest, although similar to each other.  It was good enough!

Props - I left that to Beautiful.  She loves Pinterest and she really is very creative.  She came up with a list of ideas and showed me some adorable pictures that we were able to do.  I am really excited to see how they turned out.  But, for me, a prop is a nice background while we sit generically in front of it smiling.  I would never think of creative things.  I am thankful for Beautiful's ideas in that area.

So this is what today looked like after all of the anticipation stress:

I got up and fed all of the kids turkey bacon and eggs.  Trying to make them happy and compliant;)

Then I did my hour on the treadmill and listened to praise music to get me ready...

Then I had to IRON all of the shirts.  IRON!!  I really dislike ironing.  I usually iron about...3 times a year if I am really unfortunate.  I burned myself.  Probably because I am so out of practice.  

About then I realized it was noon and I still had to shower...and feed people again.  I realized that I still had not eaten yet today other than some turkey bacon (I counted it as protein and a snack for my diet lol!)  I got that done.  Thankfully there were plenty of left overs from my husband spending all day yesterday smoking...chicken;)

At that point I made a crucial decision.  I decided that just like on an airplane when one needs to take care of themselves before caring for others - I had to get ready first.  It ended up working out well as everyone else was on the "last minute" schedule.

So... hair!  Ugg.  I don't usually do a thing to my hair.  So, trying to figure out how to do my hair for all of posterity is a stressor.  Faith got her hair done by a friend awhile back and that was the catalyst for me to say "we are going to get these pictures done soon while she is still cute from that style!"  lol!.    Beautiful is always gorgeous.  Grace's hair is stick straight.  How to keep it out of her eyes?  Buddy's hair is long - how to keep that looking nice when it is wavy and...long?  The other 3 guys I just buzz their hair as I can't handle dealing with any more hair lol!

I told everyone to find a pair of jeans and report back to me in them so I could approve it.  Faith could not find jeans that fit her (that girl is growing...and curving.  I am not sure that Beautiful's hand me downs are going to work for her...sigh...).  So, I had to dig through the hand me downs totes in the addition and try to find a pair of jeans that would fit her.  I finally found some after she tried on quite a few.  Whew.

Got everyone pottied, dressed, and told them the expectations.

I grabbed all of the Disney World shirts that I had ironed and on hangers to do a quick change in the van after the other pictures.  I hustled JJ out of my bedroom in front of me and he sneezed...then proceed to turn around and grab, yes, you guessed it, a handful of the t-shirts in my arms and wiped his nose with them!!  I told him to stop and pulled the shirts away...then he then grabbed HIS WHITE SHIRT and started wiping with that!!!!!  Thankfully nothing appeared to be permanently amiss and I got us all in the van.

Now all that I had left to worry about was...

Smiles.  Some of my kids can do a genuine smile.  Some...not so much.  To get them all to have a genuine smile AT THE SAME TIME?!?!?!?!  

Distraction...how to get them to all look at the camera AT THE SAME TIME?!?!?!

However, the photographer was GREAT.  She personally knows all of us so she didn't get frustrated with the distracted ones, or when JJ decided early on that he had taken enough pictures, or when I hollered out too many orders to my kids and disrupted her process, or when Buddy laid on the ground in pain from his broken toe and didn't do what the rest of us were doing.  She had great ideas and was more than willing to incorporate some of our ideas.

I am also glad it was local.  I didn't have to dress people up and drive over an hour hoping people were still clean and happy with unwrinkled clothing.  When it was over we were home within 5 minutes and enjoyed ice cream and lemonade (well, all the kids got ice cream;)

So, family pictures are done.  It actually made me a little sad.  In all likelihood the next time we will do formal family pictures is at Beautiful's wedding.  It just occurred to me that if I was stressed today I will be REALLY stressed that day...

Oh well, no sense borrowing stress.  I am thankful for today's pictures and for our family.  I am looking forward to putting these pictures on the wall and remembering that no matter how stressed I got about the pictures, we have a memorable and fun snapshot of our family in 2014:)

Now if I can just get my husband to get the family pictures framed...from the past 10 years;)

My week in review

I usually have made topical posts.  I get these posts in my head on a topic...and never get them written down.  So, I thought I would try to just write about a week at a time and what God is teaching me.  That may help me to actually stay posting!  So, this post will be a bit random;)

We taught Sunday School for the 2nd week.  This week went well.  There are some things that I need to get ironed out in terms of structure, but I'll get there.  There were two things that happened this week that were notable to me.  One of the 4 year old girls is just a riot.  She is one of those "thinking" kids who sits back and considers things, then lets loose.  For some reason I thought it hilarious when she spoke up and said, "do you know how old I was when I first realized I was a kid?"  I responded, "how old?"  She said, "2."  I asked her what she was before that and she told me, "1" with a tone in her voice of incredulity that I wouldn't know that 1 came before 2.

We then gave out 2 craft sticks and had them color them to depict John the Baptist and Jesus.  We modeled the Bible story through that.  Then we let the kids just do their own puppet show with each other.  It, as expected, morphed into random play.  The girls really impressed me with making 2 craft sticks into "V," "T," and other letters.  Then I noticed the boys.  Two of the 3 boys did letters a bit while my son (yes, my son) turned his into a "scissors" and played that he cut my husband.  That got the boys into playing "swords" with each other...sigh...  The the above mentioned girl got into the fray heading for my son (again, it was my son) and he ran terrified of her and hid behind my husband.  Yep, my son knows all about how to run from girls and make any object into a weapon.  Who needs the alphabet?

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I have been gaining weight.  Yuck.  All summer I was on the treadmill 4 - 6 days a week for a hour and only gained weight.  I had already been mostly sticking with a low fat diet for a year before that.  So, I decided to bite the bullet and go on an official diet.  I chose the Arbonne 28 day cleanse.  Today is 1 week since I started the protein shakes, etc.  However, I started the healthy eating part of it 4 days before that.  So far I have lost 7 lbs.  I am thrilled with that.  Since I want to keep the weight off after the cleanse I am trying to figure out what the difference is this week.  I have discovered 1 major difference and it made me puzzle out the "whys" of my eating habits (nothing can just be simple with me.  I have to over analyze EVERYTHING!)  My husband and I both grew up in homes with little money.  Food was tight.  For my husband it was even more so.  They hunted and fished for their food.  Squirrel, rabbit, deer, whatever.  If they shot it they ate.  If they didn't...they didn't.  So, finishing the food on one's plate was important.  We knew how hard it was to get food.  For me we ate the pork, chicken, and beef grown from our farm (to this day I have trouble eating "bone-in" chicken...uggg).  We ate the fruits and vegetables harvested from our garden.  The food was directly related to the fruit of our labors.  We appreciated the food.  We ate the food.  All of the food on our plates.

I realized that I have carried that over in some unhealthy ways.  Having a family of 8 (2 who are very, very picky eaters) results in a lot of food that gets left on plates.  I don't have a problem with leftovers, but leftovers already served onto a plate?  Those usually aren't enough to save.  If it is enough, we do save it and have the kids eat it for the next meal (especially when the kid won't eat it because "I don't LIKE broccoli!!"  But, the food on those plates...I eat.  Can't waste it can I?  But I have just been "waisting" it.  So, I have stopped doing that.  Clearly it is making a difference.  Apparently I was eating a lot of left overs!

The other thing the above insights about my growing up made me realize has to do with my canning.  We do a lot of canning.  We have a lot of canned goods.  I don't use up all of my canning from one year to the next.  In fact, it would probably force me into high anxiety if we did.  After all, what if we didn't get any harvest the next year?  How would we eat?!?!  So, each year we can more, and more, and more.  I can't stand seeing the fresh food go to waste either.  So, if someone else has "extra" harvest they can't get rid of, I'll take it and can it.  God grew that food, it should be preserved and eaten:)  I get sad when I see all of  the tomatoes that rotted on our vines with this cold and rainy weather...sigh...  At least we take the apples that fall on the ground and feed them to the deer;)

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We are one of "those" families who don't believe in immunizations like "they" recommend them.  That is not to say that we don't immunize, but we are cautious.  In particular with JJ we have been very cautious.  He was such a tiny and sickly baby that we didn't immunize until he was 9 months old.  Then, when that weakened his immune system fighting off the vaccination, he got RSV within a week.  May or may not have been related but sure did scare us.  So, we didn't attempt another immunization until he was well.  Well, he has been well about 2 years now so I finally got it back on my radar screen to do round 2.  We got that taken last week.  The woman in the office was appalled with me.  She kept going over the rules about school and day care and his need to be immunized.  I advised her that he had never been in either...so she stopped questioning me.  That led to the actual immunization...

We warned him ahead of time.  I cleared my life for 3 full days afterwards.  I expected a sick and grumpy child and wanted to be able to help him get better.  He whined all the way there.  My husband and I both went in with him to hold him down.  He got them.  He cried about 4 seconds.  He then complained that his leg hurt and really "needed" that band aide on there. Then...he changed.  Everyone in our family has noticed it.  It is like they injected the kid with high amounts of caffeine.  He never got sick but he sure has a LOT more energy!  Whatever caused that...  It appears we can now move forward with the rest of the immunization schedule and not worry that he will get sick again:)

I really, really, REALLY enjoyed having 3 days "off."  It was great to get a break.  Got some house cleaning done.  And did a whole lot of nothing;)  Life has been so insanely busy for...ever...that it was good:)

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I tend to write about JJ more because it is a "safer" topic.  The other kids tend to just bring up issues of frustration, fear, and feelings of an utter lack of control.  If I were to write about the actual issues we have with the kids most of it would just be complaining.  So...if I can't say anything nice I just try not to say anything at all!!!

I will say though that because we are a home schooling family a huge chunk of our life revolves around educating our kids.  The weight of educating 4 kids with learning disabilities and IEP's, another who should have one, and one who is able but utterly unmotivated is exhausting, frustrating, and many other emotions that I can not name.  Mostly it inspires feelings of being totally out of control with no idea how to move forward.  The school has been wonderful and helpful, respecting our choice to home school.  They, too, are frustrated with the issues we deal with.  It is actually a bit validating to know that it is not "just us" but instead that people who are trained specifically with those issues are also puzzled on what to try next.

Grace...ah...Grace...  To be sure, she is MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH better on the supplements.  I can't remember if I have actually posted many follow ups on the neuro chemical supplements we are using.  Her behavior is less impulsive.  She is off all of her sleep meds.  She is more manageable.  There are many things that are not improved, but that are probably as good as they ever will get.  The arguing is the worse.  She always has to have the last word.  She will never...stop...talking/arguing.  The other very hard issue with her are her numerous learning issues.  I was very anxious about starting her in school this year.  So far she is doing fairly well, as long as we sit with her and read things to her she is able to do well.  She absolutely cannot decode words which means anything involving reading...and math...are struggles.  Which is everything.  But...she is amazingly creative and awesome as she makes up her dolls hair:)  She wants to be a baby nurse when she grows up.  If she can't handle that she would be great as a cosmetologist:)

We have started experimenting with Essential Oils.  We shall see if results are worth it...

JJ and Beautiful are sitting here having a conversation that is going like this:
Beautiful:  JJ, why are you so cute?!
JJ: Because I'm JJ!  I have to be cute!!

Ah...a little humor:)

Beautiful is getting A's in her 2 college courses.  The psychology course's professor is driving me crazy but we have learned the "system" that is used so Beautiful is doing well there.

I am very excited that we just got our new Blu Ray Clear Play machine!  I love Clearplay but our DVD player died and we have been waiting for the Blu Ray machine to be released.  We have been watching a lot more movies with the old kids so it will be nice to edit the unpleasant parts from the movies.  Of course...I have to figure out how to set it up...and we all know my ability to work on electronic devices:(  But once I have it figured out it will be great lol!

Well that about covers the week(ish).  God sustains me.  Trusting Him gets me out of bed in the morning.  His insights help me to try to be better each day.  Being disciplined by Him reminds me of all the ways I continue to fail and need Him.  It's all good:)

Labor Day Weekend - Life Light!

We decided this year that the whole family would attend Life Light this year.  In the past only Beautiful and I have attended. I haven't gone for 3 years (Beautiful has missed 2 years).  Here is a bit about the trip.

First, life has been crazy busy for us lately.  I have been working an extra day a week due to an increased caseload, Beautiful is in her Senior Year and is also taking 2 online college classes, it is "harvest" time for our little garden and fruit trees, my husband hurt his back and can't do as much (and mine has been acting up so I have been really careful), and...home school has resumed:)

I normally work 10 - 12 hour days on Monday and Tuesday, but have been working 1 or 2 more afternoons lately which is affecting the routine at home.  Then I had to figure out how to take a whole day our of our routine to get Grace in for a root canal.  Poor kid.  The root in the tooth that got chipped off during the cheering of the "hail mary" Husker win last year was dying and she was in pain.  So...we spent a day getting that done and doing some shopping.  By the way, did you know that Endodontists ONLY do root canals?  So, if you feel bored in your job, imagine ONLY performing root canals day in and out!  Anyway, while 5 of us did the root canal route which included clothes shopping, my husband took 2 kids to the state fair (we were all in the same town).  Our kid who NEVER gets sick said he didn't feel well so stuck with me as we went home early.  Hmmmm.....

The next day (Thursday) the other kid who never gets sick complained of a headache and vomited.  We were trying to figure out if we were heading to Life Light or not!  We hoped that she just ate too much at the state fair...

Friday we canned all of the apples.  They were already rotting and we knew we would lost a lot more if we waited another week until we had a free day to can again.  My husband had to attend a follow up appointment for his mother and didn't get home until 11.  I was supposed to have all of the apples picked from our trees and be started canning before he got home.  However...it rained almost 2 inches in just over 2 hours that morning...so I saved the apple picking for him;)  He and some kids went out and picked when he got home.  Grace hauled buckets of apples to the house constantly.  It was a great job for her and she did great (she was 100% from her root canal.  She heals quick!)  The rest of us were in the house starting the applesauce process.  We finally got done after 11 p.m.  We had less quarts than usual - only about 75 or so.  But since we haven't used up last year yet it will be fine.

Saturday we headed out to Life Light.  We weren't sure what to do since the forecast called for bad storms on Sunday and there had been a lot of rain Friday night already, and we didn't know if a kid would get sick.  But, we went.  We checked into the hotel and then headed to the grounds.

On the way we picked up Beautiful's boyfriend where he attends college.  I haven't talked too much about him.  I don't like the word "boyfriend."  That implies something very different than the courtship relationship that they have.  "Boyfriend" seems to cheapen how they are carrying on their relationship to something that the world had made to be...I don't know...uncommitted?  Anyway, we call him that for lack of a better word but we think of him as another member of our family, whom we prayerfully expect will be a member of our family one day.  They have been in this relationship almost 2 years and we have loved how they are conducting their relationship with us or with his parents.  They have only been allowed to go anywhere without any chaperones present twice (to public locations).  We are blessed that they don't rebel against these boundaries but actually seem to appreciate them.  But, I really like getting to know him as my daughter gets to know him.  This weekend he pulled a practical joke on her that had all of us in tears laughing.  He is a wonderful young man to deeply loves the Lord...and he is fun.  Anyway, he is usually a fixture at any of our family outings and Life Light was one of them:)

At Life Light the kids loved the music.  By the time we got to Skillet at night - wow.  Grace LOVED how the bass from the music just ran through her body.  She and JJ were dancing up a storm totally into the music.  I couldn't understand a single word the band said...but I guess that isn't the point at a concert;)

Sunday morning we quick ran through Kohls to buy matching shirts for our upcoming family pictures.  We have never done matching outfits before so this will be fun!

Then we went to the worship service - awesome music...followed by the sermon by KEN HAM!!!!!!!!!!!  He was one of the 2 biggest reasons I wanted to go to Life Light.  We have almost all of his videos and many of his books.  We went to the Creation Museum during our Disney World trip in March.  Love his ministry.  Love his speaking.  It was great!

The weather was hot during the day.  We wandered around, sweat, and some of the kids napped on the blankets in the grass.  The mud had dried out so we didn't need boots on Sunday.

In the course of 30ish minutes a bunch of things happened.  I was talking to one of my cousins whom I hadn't seen for 2 years.  My husband and big kids went to get food and look around before the next band.  Grace had to go potty.  There were rows of port-a-potties (the cleanest ones I have ever experienced).  Two banks of them were behind where we were sitting to each side of the entrance/exit.  We were toward the back of the crowd but there were a lot more people behind us.  We sat right on the "alley" between the left and right groups.  That made knowing where we were much easier and the kids could "dance" in the "alley."  Well, Grace had to go potty so I sent her to the port-a-potties that she had gone to many times.  However, I told her to go to the ones on the east side of the entrance instead of the west.  I watched her walk east through the scattered chairs rather than just walk to the back of the crowd and then over.  I thought that was probably a bad idea and would get her disoriented.  My cousin left soon thereafter.  Grace didn't return.  I ran back to find her and couldn't.  I came to our spot and she wasn't there.  I saw Buddy heading to the other bank of port-a-potties so went to get him to sit with the younger kids so I didn't lose them.  I went back to the other row and she wasn't there.  I was wondering where they took lost kids if they found them.  Would I have to head over to Lost and Found (I had found someones cell phone earlier and returned it to that tent so I at least knew where it was)?  Would they announce her name over the loud speakers to 100,000 people...in the middle of a concert?  Had someone taken off with her through the exit?  Then Superman said, "Hey!  Grace is riding on a golf cart!"  Whaaa?  Sure enough, apparently she had come out of the bathrooms and walked straight down the alley like every other time she had gone...but since she was disoriented it was the far east alley and not the central alley.  She stopped at a Pizza Ranch tent and asked for help (she did have my cell phone number on her wristband but no one called it).  They handed her off to volunteer.  And they put her on the golf cart.  I don't know where they were taking her since she didn't know where we were (I am assuming to the Lost and Found tent).  She didn't make a lot of sense when she got back (which is typical- asking her for logical, linear, chronological information is asking for tons of confusion) about what exactly happened.  However, since we were sitting right on the alley and I was standing in the alley looking for her...they found me:)  I started crying and was so relieved when they drove up with her that admittedly I didn't ask them many questions except to find out that she asked for help at the Pizza Ranch.  So, I snuggled up with her so relieved she was found when...

I was soooo excited to hear Big Daddy Weave and Michael W. Smith (the reason other than Ken Ham that I wanted to make this family trip happen).  The band right before them, Remedy Drive, was playing at 5 as we watched the heavy clouds roll in (also while I was searching for Grace).  I had packed up everything earlier and thought we could just brace ourselves under umbrellas if it "rained" on us - after all, I could see the back edge of the storm (eye roll...).  People started to leave.  We didn't.  Then...at 5:15 the sky opened up.  It didn't just rain, it down poured.  I am so glad that I had everything packed up.  We ran and Beautiful (somehow she had showed up during that as I had texted her to come help since Grace was lost - but the men still weren't back) spotted a tent for us to hide under rather than run to the van a long ways away.  We were all dripping wet and soaked through completely.  My husband and Beautiful's boyfriend were still off getting food.  Later we learned that they had headed to the van thinking we would be there...but were too soaked to get in so just got...soaked...  It seemed like it rained at least 1 inch in 20 minutes.  The ground had standing water everywhere and we just sloshed through it.  Life Light is set on a 1/2 mile square farm.  So the concerts are outdoors and the main stage is in a field.  It was ...wet.  After the men sloshed back to us it was a hard decision of what to do next.  We finally agreed to go back to the hotel and get dry clothes on (and warm up) and come back but stay in the van in the back field to listen to the last 2 bands (the ones I wanted to hear...and there would be NO problem hearing the band from the field).

But...we got stuck in the parking lot.  It was downright embarrassing that our 1 ton 12 passenger van couldn't get traction in the wet grass/alfalfa.  God provided an older gentleman with a truck and a towrope within 2 minutes of us realizing we weren't going to get out and he towed us a 1/2 mile -  completely out of the parking lot (field).

That, of course, meant that we couldn't go back for the last 2 concerts as we probably would get stuck again.  I really had to wrestle with God about that one.  I only wanted to come for 2 reasons - Ken Ham and Michael W. Smith.  God reminded me of my constant and innate selfishness and told me to knock it off.  So, we went out to IHOP for supper (which made Buddy VERY happy) and I fell asleep early in one hotel room with the girls while the rest of the kids stayed up later in the other hotel room.  JJ had fallen asleep soon after getting drenched and cold and slept for 3 hours.  I was really worried that he would get sick.  But, he didn't.  He had a restless night of sleeping that kept me occupied.  That wasn't a terrible thing for me as I was awake "wrestling" with God anyway;)

The next day my Dad drove down to see us.  We hadn't seen him since he came with us on our Black Hills trip last September.  We enjoyed a trip to The Falls and got lots of great pictures of him and the kids:)  We went out to eat at a buffet restaurant that he likes.  We always eat there with him as my kids are all so picky with their food that it suits everyone well!

While we were at The Falls the kids were climbing over rocks and such.  You can imagine Grace not slowing down for much.  I told her repeatedly to slow down, not run, and NOT jump over the small pools of water between the rocks.  But...she did...and lost her shoe...when she fell in...  I was a ways ahead of them and watched as she and the older kids tried to find that silly shoe.  I was trying to figure out how we were going to go out to eat with a kid with no shoes!  She kept wanting to reach in one spot and grab it but Beautiful couldn't see the shoe and didn't want her tumbling in and getting her clothes wet so stopped her.  I eventually went back and finally I told Grace I would hang on to her and she could grab her shoe if she thought she knew where it was.  The little goofball reached right in...and came back up with her shoe!!!  It was lodged in the...crud...in the bottom of the pond.  Just another adventure with Grace:)

We drove home and JJ vomited in the car.  He really can't handle much with his stomach and food and gets car sick way too often but usually it is only in the morning.  Anyway, we got home and settled in.

Tuesday and Wednesday I worked all day.  I was so tired lol!  I worked 1/2 a day on Thursday and got lots of other things accomplished.  It was one of those very, very rare days where the kids actually cooperate and we can all click.  I wish there were more days like that...  Friday was back to the frantic "rat in a wheel" that I hate but is the reality of my life.

This weekend I finally felt like, even though I have been very productive, I was able to take a breath again.  I am so thankful for our trip to Life Light even though the week before and after any such "extra" family activities brings me so much extra stress.  It is such a wonderful ministry and lots and lots of fun!  I will say that I was probably the most blessed (aside from Ken Ham) by seeing the shear number of transracial families.  I have never seen that many transracial families in one place before.  It made me feel like we were a little more...not atypical?  And, of course, I was so excited to see all of those kids who had been adopted into Christian forever home families.  We met one and exchanged numbers.  They live in our state and the boy and girl came from Haiti.  I have to laugh and share that the best way I have found to meet another transracial family (well, one with a child with African hair) is to walk up to them and ask the girl, "your hair is beautiful, does your mom do that?"  Faith's hair has been a conversation starter many times:)

First Day Back as a Sunday School Teacher...after a several year hiatus...

Since the Middles came 8 and 6 years ago, then JJ 4 years ago, my husband and I have felt like we were drowning most of the time and treading water some of the time.  We stepped back from almost all "extras" as we tried to adjust to having 3 toddlers the same age along with their needs due to their...prior lives.  Teaching Sunday School was one of the things we stopped doing.  We have also stopped being able to grow most of our friendships due to time constraints.  It has been isolating but necessary - even though various misunderstandings have arisen.  Over the past 1 -2 years we have felt that we are actually doing a little "swimming."  Of course, last year's situation with not being able to adopt Superman and Faith's sister took me back a long way into a dark pit, but we are almost a year out of that now.  When we got asked to teach Sunday School again I initially thought, "no way!  I am so stretched with just work and family that I can't do anything extra."  But, as my husband pointed out, JJ is of the age to be in this Sunday School class and he REFUSES to go anywhere without us.  Thus he has never been to Sunday School except when my husband sits in there with him.  We decided that we would teach so that he could hopefully acclimate a bit to being in a teaching environment, get used to other same age kids, and maybe accept some structure.

Today was the first day.  It went surprisingly well.  I loved getting back into the teaching mode.  I love teaching!  The problem is usually an unmotivated audience;)   My husband is the best "helper" and ummm disciplinarian lol!  He keeps things moving smoothly so I can just get the teaching done.  I love how we work together as a team and he anticipates the needs.  Anyway, this isn't a post about how awesome my husband is (although he is definitely awesome!!)  There were about 13 kids in there with 3 of them boys.  My husband had to take JJ out once for his behavior and I could see the other kids stare at him quizzically.  He did fine after that though;)  Teaching 4 and 5 year olds (there is 1 6 year old) is so much fun.  In past classes I have taught them all of the books of the Bible, the "walk through" of the Bible, the 10 Commandments, and the placement of all of the objects in the Tabernacle.  I am excited to see what this group of kids will be willing to learn:)

There are a bunch of awesome kids in there.  I am so excited to get to know them.  They are a bunch of eager kids:)  Especially the 10 girls...who...like to...talk;)

But...a bit unexpected, what I really took away from today was just how delayed JJ is.  Granted, JJ is the youngest child in the class having only turned 4 three weeks ago.  However, all of the other kids can spell their names at least aloud.  Some couldn't do all of  the letters but at least knew some of them.  JJ can't even SAY his name (much less have any clue of any of the letters of the alphabet).  His speech delays were way so much more poignant to me today.  We have planned to have him tested by a speech/language pathologist next month.  She saw him in the Spring and said to wait for this Fall to see if he caught up at all.  He certainly talks more now, but not better.  I had thought that perhaps we might get told that he is still within normal limits.  However, my thoughts on that are significantly altered today.  He loves to speak, but very few people have any idea what he is saying.  In fact, those of us in the family still have to use context to figure it out.  His full bio sister also has the same problems...so we will navigate this new issue...  He hardly ever speaks in public (being so afraid of strangers) so I don't know how many other's have even noticed.  In fact, I am worried that he won't speak to the Evaluator so that she can assess him!

He still holds his hand in his fist and just scribbles. He had no clue how to use the scissors even with me there helping him (part of that is my fault.  If you were me would YOU allow my kids access to scissors???  Nuff said;).  However, the kid is a pro at playing with little legos and Wii games;)  He has good gross motor skills and some good fine motor skills.  However, I have always noticed that when he moves one hand the other hand does the same action.  We had an adult friend once who neurologically was "wired" backward so if one hand did it, the other hand did it.  He neurologically could not separate one hand's action from the other.  JJ's isn't as pronounced as his was, but I have noticed that it is present.  Perhaps we will have to deal with other sensory issues as well.

He is finally sleeping through the night most night.  He is also eating more consistently.  He is at the 25% for weight which is the highest he has ever been.  We are so thrilled he is on the growth chart!  We have noticed that food is still a major major problem for him.  He still gets car sick if he rides in the car early in the morning.  He won't eat right away when he wakes up.  He will say "my belly hurts" but it doesn't seem to be something that food makes better.  So, who what knows that the digestive issues are.  He seems to have a lot of symptoms of Sensory Processing Disorder with issues with food, sound, touch, texture, etc.  Because he is never "himself" around others it is hard to know how any attempted interventions may work.

So anyway...over all I am excited about teaching Sunday School.  It is fun to see the world through 4 and 5 year old eyes.  I am excited to be back into formal ministry (other than the ministry via my job). Right at the beginning of the class God totally confirmed for us that we were supposed to be doing this.  The lesson was on John 3, with the story of Nicodemus and God showing His love for us.  However, before we could even get started one of the kids started talking about how JJ was a different color from my husband and I.  She went on to say how her mom had told her that JJ had a different mommy than me before.  It was such an awesome opening to discuss being "born again" and being adopted by God - just like John 3.  I had to smile right there and thank God for confirming that this was the right decision for us to teach again at this season of life, and for the opening a sweet 4 year old made into the lesson.  Gotta love when He shows up like that;)