Nightmares:
As I have talked about ad nauseaum, JJ is not a good sleeper. At age 6 1/2 he still does not sleep through the night consistently. He falls asleep between 11 and 12. He needs me holding him, at least right next to him, to fall asleep. The nights he falls asleep in my arms are the nights he falls asleep in under 30 minutes instead of in 2 hours. And there is no rhyme or reason why some nights he makes it all night long and some nights he is back in our bed frantic to be plastered against my side within an hour of me carrying him to his own bed. We have tried all kinds of things, nothing works, and at this point I just go with it.
One thing that he does talk about a lot is having nightmares. He won't tell us what they are about so I have been thinking that he has been using that as an excuse. He has asked for over a year for us to pray for him at bedtime "so I won't have bad dreams." Then he accuses me of not praying "right" and asks "why don't your prayers work?" when he says he continues to have bad dreams. He even has Beautiful pray for him the nights she is still here that late as an extra layer against "bad dreams" (since mine don't work;) Again, I have thought over time that this is an excuse to just not want to sleep by himself...
...but last week I had to wake him in the morning to get to an appointment (otherwise I would never wake him - that is a nightmare for both of us...). He was still in his own bed. I will never forget the look of utter shock on his face when he first opened up his eyes and when he blurted out, "I didn't have any bad dreams?!?!" So, that both confirmed to me that he is not faking about the nightmares as there was no way that he could feign that shock the second he woke up, and it broke my heart that he was so surprised that he wasn't woke up in terror from a nightmare. I don't know how to make this better, but we will continue to pray over him:)
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Migraines:
I have struggled with headaches for over 20 years. I didn't know they were migraines until just over a year ago. I was under the mistaken assumption that in order for it to be a "migraine" I had to vomit with it. Not true. Since then I have been systematically trying to figure out what triggers them. I go to the chiropractor once a month. I get massages regularly and had to bump it up to every 3 weeks at one point. I work on hydration. I avoid certain kinds of food noticing that after eating at certain restaurants it was bad. I can't avoid taking my children out in public (just kidding...sort of;) I use Progessence Plus every night and when I got to the right dose it dramatically reduced my headaches. I take a ton of supplements and vitamins. When I feel one coming on I try to take 2 Tylenol and sleep (if possible). All of these interventions have helped. However, a couple of weeks ago they started coming back stronger than usual and more frequent. Last Sunday I came home, took Tylenol and napped and the migraine was 10 times worse when I woke up. As a last ditch effort I took an anti-histamine since everyone else in the house was have allergy symptoms and I was desperate for it to go away. And it did! I have not been a person to suffer with allergies - congestion, sneezing, watery eyes, etc. But, when I think about when my migraines are worse it is in the fall and spring. Huh. So I took an anti-histamine every day this week and it was better. I woke every morning with a headache starting and it would go away with the anti-histamine. I am very thankful!
The one trigger that consistently results in more frequent migraines that I can't do a single thing about is...frequent interrupted sleep. Sigh...
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Adoption Issues: JJ's mom recently had her 3rd son since JJ has been born. JJ has enjoyed seeing pictures of him and it has started him to talk more and more about his birth family. He has asked to meet her and we are trying to answer any questions he has. He keeps walking around asking each of us many times a day "what is your real name." I hate that word "real." I keep telling him that everyone has their "real" name (the word "real" is a pet peeve of mine so I keep saying "birth name." Of course, asking him to stop doing something means that he does it 1000 times more...) It really throws him for a loop when his, Beautiful, Buddy, my husband and I all have the same name that we were born with but the other 3 don't. He just can't quite understand the logic of all of that - which is probably why he keeps asking...and asking...and asking...
Anyway, about 3 weeks ago was when this was starting and I asked Superman and Faith how they felt about JJ talking about his birth family, having contact with them, and the idea that he may get to meet them when that was not something they would get to do. Superman responded honestly and actually had some good questions. Most of the time he avoids adoption questions so I was thankful that he felt safe enough to do that. That is one good thing of JJ talking about it so much, Superman has learned that it is not a taboo topic even though we have always told them they can ask anything they want to;) Anyway, I told him that right or wrong I tend to error on the side of answering questions openly and that I never want the kids to feel like there was a time that they felt I held information back from them so if he wanted to know I would share what I knew (in a responsible way of course). The conversation got pretty tough and a lot of questions were asked. I was glad that he felt he could ask and receive honest answers. I was thankful for Superman opening up more during that conversation.
But...something else beautiful also came out that that hard conversation...
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Answer to Prayer:
I have asked you to pray for our girls, and specifically Faith, in the past. Things have been tough for a long, long time with them. We are starting to see some maturity with Grace. She will actually say now that she needs to go to her room to calm down...about 15% of the time. But it is better than 0% of the time;) Bedtime is getting better. She admits that when she goes to bed earlier she is happier in the morning. That right there is HUGE! Over all there is a maturing and we are thankful. Of course, as I typed that she had a tiff with her brother. But at least she only growled and didn't do her normal tantrum. So, progress!
But, things with Faith have had us very, very concerned. Her behavior has been far more intentional and calculating than Grace's impulsivity. Things came to a head March 3. We did an intervention with a group of people on March 6 where she had to publicly admit to them what she had been doing. They prayed over her. She knew that the next step that we were considering was sending her to boarding school. The next couple of weeks I had several situations with her that gave me increased hope. Times when she came and volunteered about a struggle - both before or after (but before she was caught) it happening. Then came that adoption conversation I wrote of in the last section. It totally sent her into an emotional tailspin.
You may think me cruel, but I was finally glad to get some real emotion out of her. Finally it seemed we had broken through to some of the core yuck and she was getting genuine. I had her do EMDR about that and it was a beautiful and cathartic experience for her - (she actually talked about her feelings about her birth mom). And a bonding experience for us. It has "only" been 3 weeks since then but she is doing great! It is the first time I have seen her genuine and authentic with us. She just "feels" more relaxed and at peace. I feel more relaxed and at peace. She has messed up a few times since then but it as been more of what to expect from a typical 10 year old than a 10 year old with attachment/early trauma issues filled with rage/resentment/bitterness/fear/guilt/shame/etc. I am not so naive to think life will be a bed of roses from here on out, but it is the most peace we have felt in the house for years. Years. I don't have to feel like a prisoner in my own house just to keep the kids in check or fear of what they may do in public. Ok, well, as much fear as there used to be anyway;) I can trust Buddy or Beautiful to babysit and not wonder what will happen. She is earning back privileges she hasn't had for 18 months and not misusing them.
It is good:)
Thank you for praying for our family and for Faith. She is precious and I feel like we have broken through the outer shell and can finally enjoy the real her. God is good, and He is trustworthy:)
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