Week 4 and Month 1 Team Meeting

October 30, 2019

Week 4: Month 1 Team Decision

We continue to have discussions as a family about how all of us are doing. Mostly I hear from the kids that they are thankful for the peace.

My husband and I have buckled down on consequences. The kids seem to be responding better than they have been. They are tired of my statement “work before play” which I have said to them thousands of times in the past decade. Now I am adding “Time Management!!” and “natural consequences!!” which I suspect they will dislike just as much lol!

Thursday night we had a phone call with Grace during which she got mad and started yelling at me. The staff sit next to her during the calls and told her to stop and she would have a consequence. Then she argued about my deserving her yelling so got another consequence. Friday morning during our family therapy time (via phone) I knew it was our last conversation with the therapist prior to the team meeting the following week so I decided I was not going to walk on eggshells and was going to ask some hard questions of Grace. Mostly it had to do with what she was learning that she was going to apply when she gets back home, explaining her choice to yell at me during the phone call that is supervised by staff, and what she would have realistically done if that interaction had been at home without staff watching. The upside is that she was honest. She even listed off things and ended the sentence with “the usual.” The therapist jumped in then about that phrasing and I validated Grace’s statement that any and all conversations with her asking her to be accountable for her choices or anytime she is told any version of “no” will result in much more hurtful comments/behaviors than what she was doing in the first place. I was very happy that the therapist is seeing it, I was discouraged that Grace, even in a highly structured setting, quickly fell back into her typical pattern.

It was a hard session and afterwards my husband said that if she did not have any incidents after that it would show she really was choosing to use the strategies that she is using.

She had two…

Today we had the team meeting. We had planned to drive there but due to the weather turned around and came back home. Therefore we participated via phone. The insurance company approves her stay in 30 day increments. Sixty days are being requested but it is thought they will only approve 30 days and then another 30 days will be requested if Grace’s current pattern of behavior continues. They have taken her off ½ of her meds and today will take her off of the rest. They like to take away all meds and then start over to find a baseline, etc. We are very curious how that will go.

My body has been hurting a lot. I know I carry my stress in my body and it doesn’t necessarily come out emotionally. In my job of listening to countless horror stories on a regular basis I am used to shutting down emotions – but my body carries that stress. I am really trying to be intentional about this situation so that I can heal and be the best mom, wife, etc that I can be. I am working on self-care – continuing to exercise 3-4 days a week. Relaxing in the hot tub. Connecting with friends. Playing with the grandkids😊. But my body continues to be in a lot of pain. I have been to the chiropractor and the massage therapist 3 times EACH in the past month trying to get on top of the pain. They both keep telling me that I am very stiff and tight. Friday was the first time that during an adjustment he couldn’t get me to adjust. Usually that is my husband, not me lol! Saturday I made myself quit doing housework and paperwork at 2 and sat for most of the rest of the day with a heat pad. That seemed to help that day. Sunday morning I woke early, again, and laid there with all of the anxious thoughts about what the future will hold with Grace swirling in my head. I realize that is always rolling in the back of my mind and that is probably why I can’t relax.

JJ continues to have nightmares. I think that he, like us, have just survived the dysfunction and now that it is gone there is a different awareness of it, but also a fear that it will return. For a kid with pretty severe separation anxiety anyway it has been hard. I am not surprised that for him it comes out in nightmares of us being killed and him being left all alone. Beside that, I have not been available to him like I have been in the past because of all of the extra hours I have been working and the changes in our routine to accommodate visits and therapy with Grace. The time I usually have set aside for him is spent trying to finish paperwork, etc then he is the one that is suffering. So…that is something else I need to work on…

Specific prayers at this time:

For Grace to be approved for at least another 30 days of treatment (we will be told tomorrow or Friday if she is approved).

For Grace to use her coping strategies/emotional regulation skills and they will generalize to home when she comes back.

For God to have the “right” things happen in the right timing that will help Grace the most – including the medication changes.

For our family to continue to be intentional about healing, and not live in fear of what might happen.

Praise:

Grace really is in a great place and they are working very hard with her. The threshold is very high for her type of placement and we are so incredibly thankful that she is able to get help there.

God has provided for us in so many ways through all of this. We are so grateful!

So many people have called, texted, or sent encouragement.

The psychiatrist agrees with our diagnostic assessment of her, so we feel like we are working with the best conceptualization of what is happening and not off target in our efforts.