Exercise: only 3 times this week. We were gone last weekend through Monday afternoon at an outdoor Christian music festival. It was a good time for the family:) But between that and my work I only was able to work out Th, Fri, and Sat. Saturday I started the Level 4 workout. Ouch. I also had a migraine T - Th so that slowed me down.
Eating: obviously not as good with being gone for the weekend. At least the very high prices (like $25 for a pizza) kept me from buying junk food at the festival lol!
Prayer and Bible reading: ok
************
Mostly I am at a point where I am stretched extremely thin. I notice that when I am at this level of stress and being overwhelmed I retreat into myself and become "fine." I have committed to extra responsibilities over the next 2 months that haven't even started yet. And when that it done it is hunting season. I know that sounds silly, but in this house it is not. My husband is an amazing husband and stay at home father and home schooling father...but I know that Nov and Dec (and part of January) it is my turn to pull the weight that he pulls the other 9.5 months of the year (he is already gone hunting a couple of days a week. It will get really intense in November). My job is getting busier, I don't know what is happening in my family much anymore and in an attempt to rectify that I committed to some home school responsibilities for Co-op that I am not sure I can adequately meet (obviously all of the other teachers are SAHM's while I work full time hours), and I have added extra work responsibilities that are an incredible honor to have been asked to perform but will involve time to attend and time to prepare for several presentations. None of this is bad (except that my house is a wreck and I am out of touch with what my kids are doing). I am delighted to be a part of all of it. But right now I am...in survival mode. Which is probably why my migraines have worsened:( I am so thankful that my husband and my accountability partner are my "Aaron" and "Hur" right now. I am seeking to serve God and know this is just a busy season. I am thankful that God has placed people around me to sustain me as I keep moving forward:) So, I will keep on with the exercising knowing that I feel better by doing it and it will help me to continue to serve the way I do, but I will admit that I am having to really talk myself into working out now whereas before I enjoyed it. I guess that is normal though lol!
Sunday, September 11, 2016
Friday, September 2, 2016
Resolution: Eight of Twelve
Everything is pretty much the same. That is good and discouraging...
But, I must add, I had forgotten what simple freedom there is in simply bending over without pain!!!!! In fact, I am having to relearn my posture when standing and when bending over now. For 8 years I have adjusted how I stand, bend, twist, vacuum, sweep, do dishes, wash my hands, etc. just to do it with minimal pain. Now I have to try to rethink all of my motions to make sure that I am using the right posture, because my old way no longer serves its purpose of decreasing pain.
Even though the pain is not completely gone, it is much better than it has been in almost a decade. I need to remember that when I am discouraged. I need to remember that when I don't really want to get up early and get the work out in before I start my day (I know myself, if I don't do it first thing it will not get done). I need to remember that when I started this the #1 reason was to strengthen my back and that appear to be happening, so that is a win:)
But, I must add, I had forgotten what simple freedom there is in simply bending over without pain!!!!! In fact, I am having to relearn my posture when standing and when bending over now. For 8 years I have adjusted how I stand, bend, twist, vacuum, sweep, do dishes, wash my hands, etc. just to do it with minimal pain. Now I have to try to rethink all of my motions to make sure that I am using the right posture, because my old way no longer serves its purpose of decreasing pain.
Even though the pain is not completely gone, it is much better than it has been in almost a decade. I need to remember that when I am discouraged. I need to remember that when I don't really want to get up early and get the work out in before I start my day (I know myself, if I don't do it first thing it will not get done). I need to remember that when I started this the #1 reason was to strengthen my back and that appear to be happening, so that is a win:)
Saturday, August 27, 2016
Resolution: Seven of Twelve Weeks
Exercising: I worked out 5 days this week. Still no more weight loss:( Today I started up at the next level. I groaned when I started the 2nd DVD and discovered that there are not THREE levels to this...there are FOUR!!!! Ugggg. So...I guess it is just slow torture lol!
Clean Eating: Right now I have cleaned up my eating a lot (essentially no unhealthy snacks and decreasing carbs in meals), moved back to eating more or less what the family is eating but in smaller portions, and have continued to eat a lot of fruit. However, today I did make chocolate chip cookies and ate...4.
Bible Reading: Making good progress.
Prayer: going well.
*********
This has been yet another very hard week. Tons of work hours that are extra - most of them not involving payment. For example, I am sitting in a simulcast conference yesterday, today, and tomorrow from 8:30 - 5:30 each day learning more about EMDR with different populations thankfully from the comfort of my own home. That meant that I could not take Superman and Faith to their first day of school at the Christian school they now attend. And my husband has morning carpool to the public school where Grace attends at the same time (we do afternoon carpooling after school from the Christian school) so could not go. So...we took pictures here at home (my camera WILL NOT let me download those pictures:( and sent them with the carpool. Then we found out that every single other parent was there and they did a little ceremony. Our kids were the only ones without a parent there and I feel terrible about it. But we did not know. And we had originally planned to be gone for this weekend attending this conference in person and would have really missed out...but...
I am reminded a lot lately of the many sacrifices that my family makes for me to work...and the many sacrifices that I make working for our family. It is heavy on my heart but it is our reality so I will just keep giving it to Jesus. My husband is such a saint. He has worked hard to keep the kids occupied so I have quiet for this conference. Today he took the kids to Scheels Customer Appreciation Day (big sacrifice for him;) and tomorrow he will have to teach Sunday School by himself (Beautiful will help) and corral the kids for the church picnic at the park afterwards. He does this all without complaint. He is a good, good man. I am infinitely blessed by him. If any of you are stay at home parents please know how much you bless your spouse when you do not complain about schedules changing up and emergencies coming up. And I pray your spouses make it up to you however you need (my husband is frequently reminding me that hunting season starts next week and Friday's are now his to go get his R and R (e.g. kill animals ;)
I am thankful for a Sovereign God in the chaos of this sin filled world:)
Clean Eating: Right now I have cleaned up my eating a lot (essentially no unhealthy snacks and decreasing carbs in meals), moved back to eating more or less what the family is eating but in smaller portions, and have continued to eat a lot of fruit. However, today I did make chocolate chip cookies and ate...4.
Bible Reading: Making good progress.
Prayer: going well.
*********
This has been yet another very hard week. Tons of work hours that are extra - most of them not involving payment. For example, I am sitting in a simulcast conference yesterday, today, and tomorrow from 8:30 - 5:30 each day learning more about EMDR with different populations thankfully from the comfort of my own home. That meant that I could not take Superman and Faith to their first day of school at the Christian school they now attend. And my husband has morning carpool to the public school where Grace attends at the same time (we do afternoon carpooling after school from the Christian school) so could not go. So...we took pictures here at home (my camera WILL NOT let me download those pictures:( and sent them with the carpool. Then we found out that every single other parent was there and they did a little ceremony. Our kids were the only ones without a parent there and I feel terrible about it. But we did not know. And we had originally planned to be gone for this weekend attending this conference in person and would have really missed out...but...
I am reminded a lot lately of the many sacrifices that my family makes for me to work...and the many sacrifices that I make working for our family. It is heavy on my heart but it is our reality so I will just keep giving it to Jesus. My husband is such a saint. He has worked hard to keep the kids occupied so I have quiet for this conference. Today he took the kids to Scheels Customer Appreciation Day (big sacrifice for him;) and tomorrow he will have to teach Sunday School by himself (Beautiful will help) and corral the kids for the church picnic at the park afterwards. He does this all without complaint. He is a good, good man. I am infinitely blessed by him. If any of you are stay at home parents please know how much you bless your spouse when you do not complain about schedules changing up and emergencies coming up. And I pray your spouses make it up to you however you need (my husband is frequently reminding me that hunting season starts next week and Friday's are now his to go get his R and R (e.g. kill animals ;)
I am thankful for a Sovereign God in the chaos of this sin filled world:)
Saturday, August 20, 2016
Kid Update: August 2016
It has been awhile since I have posted an update on the kids in general.
Grace: I will admit that after her last outburst on May 8 after which we considered having her in respite somewhere for awhile and dreaded the reality of summer... she did pretty well this summer! She went until the night of her first day back at school without another one of those types of incidents. Three months is the longest she has ever gone between them. We are thankful for that, and very thankful for a summer where we all got to breathe a little and just enjoy her:) She is growing into such a pretty young lady with thoughtful ideas and creativity. Please keep praying for her increased maturity, impulse control, and decision making skills.
JJ: His issues have also improved over the summer. We discovered that with more frequent chiropractor appointments that he is vomiting much less often. Instead of every time he eats it is more like once very 1 - 2 days.
He is sleeping better!!!! I have actually gotten him in a schedule that he is often asleep by 10:30!!!! I almost don't know what to do with myself since I am used to going to sleep at 12:00 - 12:30 a.m. after he finally goes to sleep lol! We use essential oils on him that seem to be helping. We start his bedtime routine at 9:30 when Superman heads to bed. It takes a full hour for JJ to go through his "routine" that he likes before bed. But there are no complaints here since he is going to sleep much earlier. His big issue this summer was he wanted to get rid of pull-ups since they itch him (the vast majority of the time when he wakes at night to come to our bed it is because he is itchy. He is a very itchy kid). We told him that he needed to prove that if he didn't wet his pull up he could go to underwear at night. That has gone well and he hasn't had an accident in 2 weeks. The only problem with that is I have 4 bags of pullups and no more kids lol! I will bless someone with them when we know we are done with them for sure:) He still goes in stretches of sleeping all night in his own bed for days to a week, versus coming to our bed in the middle of the night for a week or longer. We can't quite figure that part out. But he has slept all night in his bed all but 1 night for the past week so I am thankful for the uninterrupted sleep this week!
His emotional outbursts are less frequent. His eating is improved. His speaking is improved. He starts school next week. We are home schooling him and he will be starting kindergarten. We shall see how it goes. Please pray for his compliance and agreement to actually learn things, and for my husband to handle that all well. I am sad that I work too much to be more than a part time partner in that...but that is reality...
Superman: He is starting 5th grade at the local Christian School. I am so excited for him to make new strong friendships, be accountable in the classroom to someone other than us so we aren't the "bad guys," and for him to be able to come into his own a bit. He turned 11 this summer and he is at the stage of wanting to start to break away from his siblings and be his own person. Can't blame him;)
Faith: She is also going to be a 5th grader at the Christian School. It has been a tough 10 months with her. Whoever thought it was a good idea to have 3 same aged kids certainly did NOT consider the ramifications of, uh, girls. I am so thankful that we only have 3 daughters and not all 6! Seriously though, Faith is as smart as a whip and we are excited to see what options the Christian school provides for her to progress toward some improved academic opportunities. We have seen some fruit in her attitude in the past 3 weeks and are hopeful it will continue:)
Buddy: He will be starting as a Junior next week. I cannot believe how sad I am about that! I still have 2 years with him at home and I am almost heart broken that he will graduate in 2 years and be moving on. I don't post much about him but he is such a steady rock in our home. I have mentioned that he is the kid most like me and I will miss having someone around who "gets" me like he does. I have been pushing some more social activities for him given that he is going to be an adult way too soon and he has, shockingly, not refused! He will be taking a finance class with other home schoolers this fall. Hopefully it goes well:)
And.... Last but NOT least....Beautiful and her husband:) They are doing well. We have 2 grand puppies and a grand kitty. All I will say about that is I am glad they are at their house and not mine lol! Sometimes we see them a lot and sometimes we don't see them for a week. I have to laugh when she shows up after her husband heads to work and before her shift to eat food or just be around people because being in a house by herself is not something she is used to lol! Maybe when she does that I should head to her house to see what it is like to be uninterrupted for awhile. I would probably miss the chaos and come home soon too;)
Grace: I will admit that after her last outburst on May 8 after which we considered having her in respite somewhere for awhile and dreaded the reality of summer... she did pretty well this summer! She went until the night of her first day back at school without another one of those types of incidents. Three months is the longest she has ever gone between them. We are thankful for that, and very thankful for a summer where we all got to breathe a little and just enjoy her:) She is growing into such a pretty young lady with thoughtful ideas and creativity. Please keep praying for her increased maturity, impulse control, and decision making skills.
JJ: His issues have also improved over the summer. We discovered that with more frequent chiropractor appointments that he is vomiting much less often. Instead of every time he eats it is more like once very 1 - 2 days.
He is sleeping better!!!! I have actually gotten him in a schedule that he is often asleep by 10:30!!!! I almost don't know what to do with myself since I am used to going to sleep at 12:00 - 12:30 a.m. after he finally goes to sleep lol! We use essential oils on him that seem to be helping. We start his bedtime routine at 9:30 when Superman heads to bed. It takes a full hour for JJ to go through his "routine" that he likes before bed. But there are no complaints here since he is going to sleep much earlier. His big issue this summer was he wanted to get rid of pull-ups since they itch him (the vast majority of the time when he wakes at night to come to our bed it is because he is itchy. He is a very itchy kid). We told him that he needed to prove that if he didn't wet his pull up he could go to underwear at night. That has gone well and he hasn't had an accident in 2 weeks. The only problem with that is I have 4 bags of pullups and no more kids lol! I will bless someone with them when we know we are done with them for sure:) He still goes in stretches of sleeping all night in his own bed for days to a week, versus coming to our bed in the middle of the night for a week or longer. We can't quite figure that part out. But he has slept all night in his bed all but 1 night for the past week so I am thankful for the uninterrupted sleep this week!
His emotional outbursts are less frequent. His eating is improved. His speaking is improved. He starts school next week. We are home schooling him and he will be starting kindergarten. We shall see how it goes. Please pray for his compliance and agreement to actually learn things, and for my husband to handle that all well. I am sad that I work too much to be more than a part time partner in that...but that is reality...
Superman: He is starting 5th grade at the local Christian School. I am so excited for him to make new strong friendships, be accountable in the classroom to someone other than us so we aren't the "bad guys," and for him to be able to come into his own a bit. He turned 11 this summer and he is at the stage of wanting to start to break away from his siblings and be his own person. Can't blame him;)
Faith: She is also going to be a 5th grader at the Christian School. It has been a tough 10 months with her. Whoever thought it was a good idea to have 3 same aged kids certainly did NOT consider the ramifications of, uh, girls. I am so thankful that we only have 3 daughters and not all 6! Seriously though, Faith is as smart as a whip and we are excited to see what options the Christian school provides for her to progress toward some improved academic opportunities. We have seen some fruit in her attitude in the past 3 weeks and are hopeful it will continue:)
Buddy: He will be starting as a Junior next week. I cannot believe how sad I am about that! I still have 2 years with him at home and I am almost heart broken that he will graduate in 2 years and be moving on. I don't post much about him but he is such a steady rock in our home. I have mentioned that he is the kid most like me and I will miss having someone around who "gets" me like he does. I have been pushing some more social activities for him given that he is going to be an adult way too soon and he has, shockingly, not refused! He will be taking a finance class with other home schoolers this fall. Hopefully it goes well:)
And.... Last but NOT least....Beautiful and her husband:) They are doing well. We have 2 grand puppies and a grand kitty. All I will say about that is I am glad they are at their house and not mine lol! Sometimes we see them a lot and sometimes we don't see them for a week. I have to laugh when she shows up after her husband heads to work and before her shift to eat food or just be around people because being in a house by herself is not something she is used to lol! Maybe when she does that I should head to her house to see what it is like to be uninterrupted for awhile. I would probably miss the chaos and come home soon too;)
Resolution: Week 6 of 12 Half way there!
Exercise: Still doing it 6 days a week. I haven't lost any weight for 3 weeks now but, like I mentioned in last week's post, there are continued improvements shown in other areas. I bought some heavier weights to use during the workouts so that is making things harder but hopefully also helping.
Clean Eating: I am allowing myself to eat more of what the family is eating, even if they are more carbs and less healthy. Unfortunately I notice that actually makes me hungrier.
Bible Reading: still making progress
Family Prayer: still going ok.
*****************
This week has been really tough for me. I am finally over the dip but it was hard. I have worked a very hard schedule for awhile working a lot more hours than I was a year ago. It was necessary due to a bunch of unexpected expenses (like all of JJ's medical procedures) but it has still had a domino effect into the rest of life. JJ misses me A LOT and is constantly asking me if I am going to work that day. Most of the time I have to tell him that I am. I am VERY thankful that I can work and that I do the work that I do, I am not complaining. It has just been a stretch of more than what we are used to. My husband is extra stressed because he is home more without my help as backup. When I am actually home he is gone either getting projects/work done or just getting a break (totally understandable). And work has just been...harder. People dealing with much heavier issues, and a higher percentage of them, than normal.
So, Monday night I hit my limit. When I got home late I told my husband I was burned out and needed a break. Thankfully this was a light week for me. I think that God knew I was going to need a break so had respite planned for me. I technically only had M and T scheduled this week, about 13 hours less than usual. Wednesday was JJ's birthday so we had down time and fun together. Thursday I declared was my "stay-cation." I told all the kids I was on vacation and to lay low. Grace started school this week so that made part of the day easier. I have to laugh that in hindsight I think I still did all of the stuff that I normally would have had to do but for some reason giving myself the permission to call it "vacation" made it not seem as overwhelming lol! I even got to spend 2 1/2 hours visiting uninterrupted with a friend on Thursday. TWO AND ONE-HALF HOURS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! UNINTERRUPTED!!!!!!!!!!!! That is probably what helped the most:)
That and I have the most attentive, thoughtful, understanding husband ever. I know that I brag about him often but in complete honesty I could not do my life this way without him by my side. We were such different people 21 years ago and we often sit back and marvel at God's plan of putting us, two completely opposite people, together:)
Friday and Saturday I had several unexpected crises to deal with...which, given the issues I am dealing with lately did not really surprise me. But despite that my head is back on track and I have regained my perspective of my eyes on Jesus, my feet on the path He has for me...not my path, my trust in Him controlling my moments, and my hope in what He is doing in the world when it looks to me like it is simply falling apart.
Perhaps I need to declare one day a week a "vacation" every week;)
Clean Eating: I am allowing myself to eat more of what the family is eating, even if they are more carbs and less healthy. Unfortunately I notice that actually makes me hungrier.
Bible Reading: still making progress
Family Prayer: still going ok.
*****************
This week has been really tough for me. I am finally over the dip but it was hard. I have worked a very hard schedule for awhile working a lot more hours than I was a year ago. It was necessary due to a bunch of unexpected expenses (like all of JJ's medical procedures) but it has still had a domino effect into the rest of life. JJ misses me A LOT and is constantly asking me if I am going to work that day. Most of the time I have to tell him that I am. I am VERY thankful that I can work and that I do the work that I do, I am not complaining. It has just been a stretch of more than what we are used to. My husband is extra stressed because he is home more without my help as backup. When I am actually home he is gone either getting projects/work done or just getting a break (totally understandable). And work has just been...harder. People dealing with much heavier issues, and a higher percentage of them, than normal.
So, Monday night I hit my limit. When I got home late I told my husband I was burned out and needed a break. Thankfully this was a light week for me. I think that God knew I was going to need a break so had respite planned for me. I technically only had M and T scheduled this week, about 13 hours less than usual. Wednesday was JJ's birthday so we had down time and fun together. Thursday I declared was my "stay-cation." I told all the kids I was on vacation and to lay low. Grace started school this week so that made part of the day easier. I have to laugh that in hindsight I think I still did all of the stuff that I normally would have had to do but for some reason giving myself the permission to call it "vacation" made it not seem as overwhelming lol! I even got to spend 2 1/2 hours visiting uninterrupted with a friend on Thursday. TWO AND ONE-HALF HOURS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! UNINTERRUPTED!!!!!!!!!!!! That is probably what helped the most:)
That and I have the most attentive, thoughtful, understanding husband ever. I know that I brag about him often but in complete honesty I could not do my life this way without him by my side. We were such different people 21 years ago and we often sit back and marvel at God's plan of putting us, two completely opposite people, together:)
Friday and Saturday I had several unexpected crises to deal with...which, given the issues I am dealing with lately did not really surprise me. But despite that my head is back on track and I have regained my perspective of my eyes on Jesus, my feet on the path He has for me...not my path, my trust in Him controlling my moments, and my hope in what He is doing in the world when it looks to me like it is simply falling apart.
Perhaps I need to declare one day a week a "vacation" every week;)
Saturday, August 13, 2016
Resolution: Week 5 of 12
Exercise: I exercised every day but 1 due to my work schedule. It is the first week of the next level of intensity and I can certainly tell it ramped up but I can still handle it.
Clean Eating: Better than it was before I started this. It was my worse week of the program though. I let myself have a sub sandwich. I ate 2 brownies. I even drank 1/2 can of pop. And today we went to Pizza Ranch for JJ's birthday party and I let myself eat pizza. I did maintain good portion control though;) This week I learned that a major weakness for me is being hungry. I am trying to only eat when I get hungry and not just because it is meal time. However, then I get busy and don't eat. Then I get really hungry and get too tempted. It is good that I am learning about my temptations.
Prayer: going ok.
Bible Reading: going ok.
I have not lost any more weight. I have decided that I am going to change my definition of "success." Instead of it being weight I am focusing on other things.
1) I have lost 4 inches around my stomach.
2) My husband notices that I am smaller. I had to laugh this week. I have asked him to prevent me from eating things I should not eat. I came home Thursday for about 20 minutes to eat quick. It wasn't a normal day to work and it had been a particularly tough day. So I sat down to eat JJ's left over 6 inch sub from our home school field trip the day before and grabbed a bag of potato chips. I don't normally eat chips even when not on this diet but I did. After my husband listened to me rant a bit he smiled, then took the bag of chips away from me. I asked him what in the world he was doing. He said he was appreciating how nice I was looking and wanted to help by keep the chips away. Darn accountability anyway...
3) I was able to wear clothes this week I haven't been able to wear in over a year.
4) I can do squats properly with shins vertical and get down to under 90 degree angle and back up without hanging on to anything. AND with weights.
5) I can do lunges forward and back without hanging on to anything. Without falling over. And with weights.
This really leads to one of the biggest reasons that I started this in the first place. My herniated disk. It was 6 years ago last month that it was diagnosed, although I wonder if the pain I dealt with for over 2 years before that was because of it but not correctly diagnosed. Six years ago my pain was at its worst. I was unable to roll over in bed by myself. I dreaded going to sleep because I knew the next sensation I would be aware of was intense pain (It was so horrible in the morning). I cannot even describe the extent of the pain and it permeated every.single.aspect of my life. I still laugh when I bend over the sink to wash my hands because the habit to bend over sideways to put the pressure of the bending on my side instead of my back muscles is so ingrained as it was less painful. And I still catch myself doing it. There were times I would just sob with the pain and my husband would just sit there helpless to make it better. Only 1 month after I was diagnosed and started 3x a week traction JJ came home. The chiropractor did not think bringing JJ home at that time was a good idea, but that was when he was born so that is when he came:) Thankfully he was only 5 lbs since I could not even lift 10 lbs. It was good that he was so small, and that he slowly gained weight and wanted to be carried everywhere as I think it helped to strengthen my back.
Then I had to nurse JJ since he couldn't handle formula and thus I could not take any pain meds or anti-inflammatory meds. Uggg. It was such a horribly painful time of my life. I learned never ever to do anything that would put any pressure on my back muscles. Everyone knows that pain is a great motivator - a motivator to never do whatever creates that pain lol! Of course that also led to weakened core muscles and general poorer fitness.
I was really nervous to start this program as usually doing any lifting/weights bending straight down and back up, etc is will mean that I can't move for a week. However, after 5 weeks of doing this every single day except 3 total I am NOT in pain like that. My muscles ache, yes, but I am daily amazed that I don't have pain shooting down my leg, I don't cringe every time I bend over, and this level 2 workout that adds weights AND bending straight over and back up with resistance is not increasing my pain levels. Am I still sore every day. Sure. But nothing like what I am used to dealing with on a daily basis.
So, my definition of success is now not weight based but based on my pain levels, my comfort levels in my clothes, and my body feeling better. I had to laugh earlier this week when I wore a skirt that I had just bought this spring. With an elastic waist for comfort. But now it is falling down when I wear it... So I will have to figure out how to take in the waist. Not a terrible problem to have I guess;)
Clean Eating: Better than it was before I started this. It was my worse week of the program though. I let myself have a sub sandwich. I ate 2 brownies. I even drank 1/2 can of pop. And today we went to Pizza Ranch for JJ's birthday party and I let myself eat pizza. I did maintain good portion control though;) This week I learned that a major weakness for me is being hungry. I am trying to only eat when I get hungry and not just because it is meal time. However, then I get busy and don't eat. Then I get really hungry and get too tempted. It is good that I am learning about my temptations.
Prayer: going ok.
Bible Reading: going ok.
I have not lost any more weight. I have decided that I am going to change my definition of "success." Instead of it being weight I am focusing on other things.
1) I have lost 4 inches around my stomach.
2) My husband notices that I am smaller. I had to laugh this week. I have asked him to prevent me from eating things I should not eat. I came home Thursday for about 20 minutes to eat quick. It wasn't a normal day to work and it had been a particularly tough day. So I sat down to eat JJ's left over 6 inch sub from our home school field trip the day before and grabbed a bag of potato chips. I don't normally eat chips even when not on this diet but I did. After my husband listened to me rant a bit he smiled, then took the bag of chips away from me. I asked him what in the world he was doing. He said he was appreciating how nice I was looking and wanted to help by keep the chips away. Darn accountability anyway...
3) I was able to wear clothes this week I haven't been able to wear in over a year.
4) I can do squats properly with shins vertical and get down to under 90 degree angle and back up without hanging on to anything. AND with weights.
5) I can do lunges forward and back without hanging on to anything. Without falling over. And with weights.
This really leads to one of the biggest reasons that I started this in the first place. My herniated disk. It was 6 years ago last month that it was diagnosed, although I wonder if the pain I dealt with for over 2 years before that was because of it but not correctly diagnosed. Six years ago my pain was at its worst. I was unable to roll over in bed by myself. I dreaded going to sleep because I knew the next sensation I would be aware of was intense pain (It was so horrible in the morning). I cannot even describe the extent of the pain and it permeated every.single.aspect of my life. I still laugh when I bend over the sink to wash my hands because the habit to bend over sideways to put the pressure of the bending on my side instead of my back muscles is so ingrained as it was less painful. And I still catch myself doing it. There were times I would just sob with the pain and my husband would just sit there helpless to make it better. Only 1 month after I was diagnosed and started 3x a week traction JJ came home. The chiropractor did not think bringing JJ home at that time was a good idea, but that was when he was born so that is when he came:) Thankfully he was only 5 lbs since I could not even lift 10 lbs. It was good that he was so small, and that he slowly gained weight and wanted to be carried everywhere as I think it helped to strengthen my back.
Then I had to nurse JJ since he couldn't handle formula and thus I could not take any pain meds or anti-inflammatory meds. Uggg. It was such a horribly painful time of my life. I learned never ever to do anything that would put any pressure on my back muscles. Everyone knows that pain is a great motivator - a motivator to never do whatever creates that pain lol! Of course that also led to weakened core muscles and general poorer fitness.
I was really nervous to start this program as usually doing any lifting/weights bending straight down and back up, etc is will mean that I can't move for a week. However, after 5 weeks of doing this every single day except 3 total I am NOT in pain like that. My muscles ache, yes, but I am daily amazed that I don't have pain shooting down my leg, I don't cringe every time I bend over, and this level 2 workout that adds weights AND bending straight over and back up with resistance is not increasing my pain levels. Am I still sore every day. Sure. But nothing like what I am used to dealing with on a daily basis.
So, my definition of success is now not weight based but based on my pain levels, my comfort levels in my clothes, and my body feeling better. I had to laugh earlier this week when I wore a skirt that I had just bought this spring. With an elastic waist for comfort. But now it is falling down when I wear it... So I will have to figure out how to take in the waist. Not a terrible problem to have I guess;)
Saturday, August 6, 2016
Resolution: Finished Week Four of Twelve
Exercise: I exercised all 7 days this week both the intensive and the core workouts. The last weeks I have had 1 day where I did not get the intensive done. Today I stepped up to the second tier of the intensive and core workouts. Ouch.
Despite that, I have hit the wall with my weight:( I did not lose any more weight this week. That has been discouraging but I know that my rings are lose on my fingers, my pants are loose on me, and people are telling me they are noticing. So... I guess I will keep up with the workouts and be happy if I can just lose 1 lb a week:)
Clean Eating: I have done really well with this one this week. I still drink a protein shake for 1 or 2 meals a day. One of the goals I have for myself is not just to eat better, but also to understand where my eating habits got skewed from "healthy." I have shared before that I learned that I was eating JJ's left overs (which are substantial since he rarely finishes anything he asks to eat). This week I was surprised when we were shopping yesterday (at Menards of all places) how much I was tempted to buy candy/junk in the check out isle. That is very much not me and I was surprised by the temptation - possibly it was because I knew I "couldn't" that made it worse. Then we went to WalMart for school shopping and I really had a hard time in the food isles. It was close to supper and since I was at work/then shopping all afternoon I could not snack on fruit like I was used to. I finally had to tell my husband we just needed to get out of there quick as I was increasingly wanting to impulsive buy junk.
But beyond that, I think it was also emotional craving. I normally am not one for candy. I don't even drink pop (or coffee) as I don't like the taste of all that sugar (or the smell of coffee). But when I am upset I will let myself have a bite of two of something chocolate. I found myself wanting to do that some this past week and made myself leave the kitchen so I would not be more tempted (much to my children's frustration as I also then burned more food than usual this past week by not staying and watching what I was cooking...sigh...).
Also, a couple of days ago someone asked me about Superman and Faith's younger sister that we had for a couple of months and it really got all of that emotion stirred back up. I was actually surprised as I thought I had dealt with it and resolved my anger and frustration over the whole things. But...apparently not. Anyway, that brought up a lot of WANT for chocolate and junk. I noticed it in the stores and when we got home. I was able to resist but it opened my eyes to another area of temptation that I did not really think about. I mean, my husband loves to buy me Reese's Peanut Butter Cups for Christmas - the 2 lb package with only 2 cups in it? It usually takes me 10 - 12 months to eat the entire thing with a bite or two a week or less (i keep it in the fridge). But it would have been days like yesterday that I would have had a bite or two. More pieces for me to understand as I wage war with understanding my temptations and my attempts at self control.
Family Prayer: We found a routine that is working well.
Bible Reading: Making good progress.
Despite that, I have hit the wall with my weight:( I did not lose any more weight this week. That has been discouraging but I know that my rings are lose on my fingers, my pants are loose on me, and people are telling me they are noticing. So... I guess I will keep up with the workouts and be happy if I can just lose 1 lb a week:)
Clean Eating: I have done really well with this one this week. I still drink a protein shake for 1 or 2 meals a day. One of the goals I have for myself is not just to eat better, but also to understand where my eating habits got skewed from "healthy." I have shared before that I learned that I was eating JJ's left overs (which are substantial since he rarely finishes anything he asks to eat). This week I was surprised when we were shopping yesterday (at Menards of all places) how much I was tempted to buy candy/junk in the check out isle. That is very much not me and I was surprised by the temptation - possibly it was because I knew I "couldn't" that made it worse. Then we went to WalMart for school shopping and I really had a hard time in the food isles. It was close to supper and since I was at work/then shopping all afternoon I could not snack on fruit like I was used to. I finally had to tell my husband we just needed to get out of there quick as I was increasingly wanting to impulsive buy junk.
But beyond that, I think it was also emotional craving. I normally am not one for candy. I don't even drink pop (or coffee) as I don't like the taste of all that sugar (or the smell of coffee). But when I am upset I will let myself have a bite of two of something chocolate. I found myself wanting to do that some this past week and made myself leave the kitchen so I would not be more tempted (much to my children's frustration as I also then burned more food than usual this past week by not staying and watching what I was cooking...sigh...).
Also, a couple of days ago someone asked me about Superman and Faith's younger sister that we had for a couple of months and it really got all of that emotion stirred back up. I was actually surprised as I thought I had dealt with it and resolved my anger and frustration over the whole things. But...apparently not. Anyway, that brought up a lot of WANT for chocolate and junk. I noticed it in the stores and when we got home. I was able to resist but it opened my eyes to another area of temptation that I did not really think about. I mean, my husband loves to buy me Reese's Peanut Butter Cups for Christmas - the 2 lb package with only 2 cups in it? It usually takes me 10 - 12 months to eat the entire thing with a bite or two a week or less (i keep it in the fridge). But it would have been days like yesterday that I would have had a bite or two. More pieces for me to understand as I wage war with understanding my temptations and my attempts at self control.
Family Prayer: We found a routine that is working well.
Bible Reading: Making good progress.
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