During the time of our Liberian adoption process I became immersed in the "blogging" world. I learned so much from so many Godly and faithful women who were navigating this process as we were. Even though we never got to bring Princess, Diamond, Isaac, or Alex home, we made lasting friendships with women who have been an incredible source of encouragement. We do not regret that emotional and challenging chapter of our lives because we came through it with a support system for raising the 4 children that God did let us bring home:) While our adoption journey has not been easy, it has certainly been easier because of my blogger friends:) I thought I would share 4 of them with you. I have more than these that I follow, but the others either do not have a blog, or a public blog, or do not post on their blogs very frequently (ah hem...yes...that goes for me too!) I don't want my other blogger friends to feel left out, but these are the ones that I make sure I read all of the updates on:)
While all of these women live in other states, I have met one of them and emailed/spoke on the phone with the other 3. I am blessed to not just be a "lurker" on their blog but also a known lurker lol!
These women all have adopted trans racially. They all have large families (much larger than mine!) They all home school. They all sacrificially love the Lord. What I am most touched by on their blogs is that they are real and down to earth women who desire to glorify God when it is tough and when it is easy. They are women who have been vulnerable in their writings, sharing their hurts, their hearts, and their joys. They are humble women. They challenge me and daily when I find myself in stressful parenting situations I think "what would Jesus do?" and "What would ____ do?" They are Jesus' skin. They make me want to stretch myself every day to be more like my Savior instead of settling for status quo and comfort (but alas, the Spirit is willing but the flesh is weak!). They make me think about my choices and my purpose here differently when many days I am tempted to have my only purpose be to get to bed again!
The blogs are:
http://themourofamily.blogspot.com/
http://hishandshisfeettoday.blogspot.com
http://www.celebratingmotherhoodeveryday.com
http://www.jennysupdates.com/
and from Uganda...just to stretch you more...
http://kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com/
I hope that you, too, can be encouraged and stretched by what God is doing in and through the lives of these women:)
Friday, June 15, 2012
Sunday, May 27, 2012
Some of you have asked how you can help...
I have been deeply blessed by some of you helping to watch kids, or bring a meal, or give a note of encouragement. It has been very sweet and very much appreciated! I have had others ask how they can help. That has led me to a wide variety of thoughts which I thought I would share here (since nothing I do can every be easy you know lol!)
Thought 1: Are you able to go back in time and prevent my brother in laws head injury 2+ weeks ago? no. Can you field the myriad of phone calls that take my husband an average of 2 hours a day to deal with updating and planning with people for his brother's discharge from the hospital? no. Can you take the stress of this off of his shoulders? no.
Thought 2: Can you go to Assisted Living every two days where his mother resides to unpack and repack her wound since the AL nurses are not allowed to do this care and if my husband couldn't do it either we would have to get her to the clinic 3x a week for this or transfer her to the nursing home until the wound is healed. no. (by the way, her wound is healing very nicely since the debreeding, AND the CAT scan and ultrasound show diminished circulation but at least enough for continued function at this point). Can you go back in time and have my MIL take better care of her body and diabetes? no.
Thought 3: Can you go back 15 years and prevent the issue for which I needed the surgery in the first place? no.
Thought 4: Am I capable of cooking? yes. Am I capable of supervising the children so the house gets cleaned? yes. Can I keep the children occupied? yes. Can I keep them from fighting and hurting each other? No, but I can't do that when functioning 100% lol! (boy am I glad I waited until school was out!!)
Thought 5: The issue really comes down to time and energy.
I am surprised by how tired I am. I have heard that it takes 6 mo for general anesthesia to wear off. I don't know if that is true or not but I am really tired. I also had to quit taking my supplements 2 weeks prior to the surgery so now they are rebuilding back up in my system. My body is also recovering from the surgery. I take a nap most days. Even after 2 1/2 hours of dead to the world sleep I wake up tired. My pain levels aren't bad by any definition, but I can tell when I have been on my feet too much. I quit taking the pain meds several days ago not wanting the hang over effect and the pain just isn't bad enough to actually take any meds for at this point. I should not lift anything over 10 lbs. I am tender to the kids touching/running into me. The baby certainly has noticed that his mama is not able to carry him anymore!
Thought 6: My husband and I have not had time to process, talk, and pray about all of the things that have happened over the past 3 weeks on a consistent basis. Before the surgery we went on a 2 mile walk daily and used that time to have uninterrupted time to talk and process and plan. I don't have the endurance to do that now (although we are attempting daily SLOW walks) and there is no other way to be kid free around here lol! That has made both of us out of sync with day to day runnings of our chaotic home so things are not running as smoothly as they could.
So I guess what it really comes down to is: There are a lot of things that are making life more complicated right now besides just my recovering from surgery that is making this time extra stressful. Your lives are stressful too! Could we make this if no one helped at all. Absolutely. Would it be very appreciated if the Lord put it on your heart and you did help? Yes!!!
So, realistically what would be the most helpful? Either helping with a meal or taking one of the middle kids for a time.
Today the kids were ecstatic when someone gave us a bucket of home made chocolate chip cookies. In fact, one response was, "you didn't make these? Then they will be GOOD!" Yes, not only do I not have the energy to do extra baking right now but apparently my children are tired of my healthy cooking experiments;)
It goes without saying that the 3 middles require the most of our energy...well...actually just one of them. Taking her is a feat and I wouldn't expect just anyone to take her on, but if you take one of the other 2 it diminishes the daily damage she can inflict:) They love to feel special and unique. They (and we) are always so blessed when someone will take them under their wing to show them just how precious they are. We don't have family in this state so the loving that kids usually get from grandparents, playing with cousins, etc is not available to them. Having special friends (surrogate "grandparents," adults, or kids) whom they can connect with regularly really is important to them. I know it takes time and effort to sow into a child. We are so happy for someone who does this for Faith already. Quite honestly, we are praying for someone for Superman like this. If God puts on your heart to do this for them, please let us know:)
It is hard for me to ask for or accept help. In my pride I want to say that I can do it all. But, I cannot. I am so thankful for those in the Body of Christ to come around us during this time, and I very much covet your prayers for this season (actually, for the many seasons to come too).
BTW, if you have chosen to read this far I will add a side note. I have not said what my surgery was for as it is an embarrassing topic. During the time time before the surgery one point of considerable anxiety for me was that I knew of no one else who had this surgery since it is a topic NO ONE discusses. I have talked to a few ladies since the surgery who have admitted the same problem. I realize it is quite wide spread. I want to encourage those ladies to get help too and not live with a diminished quality of life just because of our experiences that have brought on this affliction along with tremendous blessing.
So...let me just say that...in 15 years I have never been so thrilled after I have sneezed;) Yes, ladies, you know what I mean:)
Thought 1: Are you able to go back in time and prevent my brother in laws head injury 2+ weeks ago? no. Can you field the myriad of phone calls that take my husband an average of 2 hours a day to deal with updating and planning with people for his brother's discharge from the hospital? no. Can you take the stress of this off of his shoulders? no.
Thought 2: Can you go to Assisted Living every two days where his mother resides to unpack and repack her wound since the AL nurses are not allowed to do this care and if my husband couldn't do it either we would have to get her to the clinic 3x a week for this or transfer her to the nursing home until the wound is healed. no. (by the way, her wound is healing very nicely since the debreeding, AND the CAT scan and ultrasound show diminished circulation but at least enough for continued function at this point). Can you go back in time and have my MIL take better care of her body and diabetes? no.
Thought 3: Can you go back 15 years and prevent the issue for which I needed the surgery in the first place? no.
Thought 4: Am I capable of cooking? yes. Am I capable of supervising the children so the house gets cleaned? yes. Can I keep the children occupied? yes. Can I keep them from fighting and hurting each other? No, but I can't do that when functioning 100% lol! (boy am I glad I waited until school was out!!)
Thought 5: The issue really comes down to time and energy.
I am surprised by how tired I am. I have heard that it takes 6 mo for general anesthesia to wear off. I don't know if that is true or not but I am really tired. I also had to quit taking my supplements 2 weeks prior to the surgery so now they are rebuilding back up in my system. My body is also recovering from the surgery. I take a nap most days. Even after 2 1/2 hours of dead to the world sleep I wake up tired. My pain levels aren't bad by any definition, but I can tell when I have been on my feet too much. I quit taking the pain meds several days ago not wanting the hang over effect and the pain just isn't bad enough to actually take any meds for at this point. I should not lift anything over 10 lbs. I am tender to the kids touching/running into me. The baby certainly has noticed that his mama is not able to carry him anymore!
Thought 6: My husband and I have not had time to process, talk, and pray about all of the things that have happened over the past 3 weeks on a consistent basis. Before the surgery we went on a 2 mile walk daily and used that time to have uninterrupted time to talk and process and plan. I don't have the endurance to do that now (although we are attempting daily SLOW walks) and there is no other way to be kid free around here lol! That has made both of us out of sync with day to day runnings of our chaotic home so things are not running as smoothly as they could.
So I guess what it really comes down to is: There are a lot of things that are making life more complicated right now besides just my recovering from surgery that is making this time extra stressful. Your lives are stressful too! Could we make this if no one helped at all. Absolutely. Would it be very appreciated if the Lord put it on your heart and you did help? Yes!!!
So, realistically what would be the most helpful? Either helping with a meal or taking one of the middle kids for a time.
Today the kids were ecstatic when someone gave us a bucket of home made chocolate chip cookies. In fact, one response was, "you didn't make these? Then they will be GOOD!" Yes, not only do I not have the energy to do extra baking right now but apparently my children are tired of my healthy cooking experiments;)
It goes without saying that the 3 middles require the most of our energy...well...actually just one of them. Taking her is a feat and I wouldn't expect just anyone to take her on, but if you take one of the other 2 it diminishes the daily damage she can inflict:) They love to feel special and unique. They (and we) are always so blessed when someone will take them under their wing to show them just how precious they are. We don't have family in this state so the loving that kids usually get from grandparents, playing with cousins, etc is not available to them. Having special friends (surrogate "grandparents," adults, or kids) whom they can connect with regularly really is important to them. I know it takes time and effort to sow into a child. We are so happy for someone who does this for Faith already. Quite honestly, we are praying for someone for Superman like this. If God puts on your heart to do this for them, please let us know:)
It is hard for me to ask for or accept help. In my pride I want to say that I can do it all. But, I cannot. I am so thankful for those in the Body of Christ to come around us during this time, and I very much covet your prayers for this season (actually, for the many seasons to come too).
BTW, if you have chosen to read this far I will add a side note. I have not said what my surgery was for as it is an embarrassing topic. During the time time before the surgery one point of considerable anxiety for me was that I knew of no one else who had this surgery since it is a topic NO ONE discusses. I have talked to a few ladies since the surgery who have admitted the same problem. I realize it is quite wide spread. I want to encourage those ladies to get help too and not live with a diminished quality of life just because of our experiences that have brought on this affliction along with tremendous blessing.
So...let me just say that...in 15 years I have never been so thrilled after I have sneezed;) Yes, ladies, you know what I mean:)
Saturday, May 19, 2012
Post Surgery
I had the surgery 2 days ago. I am in more pain than I had anticipated, but am also well aware that if I were not uncomfortable I would not take it as easy as I know I need to. God is just "reminding" me to be still! I think that things that have been out of place for 15 years are just getting used to being where they are supposed to be;) My throat has been scratchy like a bad spring cold from the intubation, but that has improved considerably. I do not want to dissuade you from having surgery if you need it. I am so thankful for the many people who were supportive of my surgery and encouraged me. The hospital staff were wonderful and treated me like a person, not like a "job" to be completed for the day.
I have been enjoying a couple of naps a day and great sleep at night. Today JJ and I snuggled for a 2.5 hour nap...sigh...it was sweet:) Last night I slept over 9 hours! We decided a couple of days before the surgery to put a dark blanket over Grace's window so she would not be up at the crack of dawn. Why didn't we think of that earlier lol!?!? That is helping much:)
I have learned a couple of things from this experience:
First: My children know that I take care of everything and thus are having a difficult time now that I cannot do anything. It is a good thing that I have the pain that I have or I would, in frustration, just get up and do it myself. This is forcing me, and them, to require some responsibility on their part. I am having some downtime to think about how training needs to improve in this area.
Second: The pain meds that I am on are quite necessary but have muddled my brain. I am enjoying reading a couple of "fun" books since I don't have the mental capacity to think through much else. I just finished Raising a Soul Surfer and am reading Through My Eyes by Tim Tebow right now. I am also reading the David Livingstone biography to the middle kids - but their attention span for me reading to them is shorter than my attention span for reading lol!
Anyway, that was a bunny trail. I discovered the first day as I was coming out of the general anesthesia that I could not handle noise of any kind, that all noise was a terrible distraction, and that I could not hold two thoughts together to focus to make a decision. It was maddening to me. It then occurred to me that this must be what Grace's daily experience must be like. It gave me a whole new appreciation for what she endures every moment.
Of course, in addition to healing from this surgery we have daily life...and the added stressors of my Mother In Law's medical issues and wound care that my husband has to care for every 2 days and how to deal with all of the pieces of my brother in law's head injury/his medical care/his financial needs/the case against his assailant, etc which take hours a day. But...that is for another post...
I have been enjoying a couple of naps a day and great sleep at night. Today JJ and I snuggled for a 2.5 hour nap...sigh...it was sweet:) Last night I slept over 9 hours! We decided a couple of days before the surgery to put a dark blanket over Grace's window so she would not be up at the crack of dawn. Why didn't we think of that earlier lol!?!? That is helping much:)
I have learned a couple of things from this experience:
First: My children know that I take care of everything and thus are having a difficult time now that I cannot do anything. It is a good thing that I have the pain that I have or I would, in frustration, just get up and do it myself. This is forcing me, and them, to require some responsibility on their part. I am having some downtime to think about how training needs to improve in this area.
Second: The pain meds that I am on are quite necessary but have muddled my brain. I am enjoying reading a couple of "fun" books since I don't have the mental capacity to think through much else. I just finished Raising a Soul Surfer and am reading Through My Eyes by Tim Tebow right now. I am also reading the David Livingstone biography to the middle kids - but their attention span for me reading to them is shorter than my attention span for reading lol!
Anyway, that was a bunny trail. I discovered the first day as I was coming out of the general anesthesia that I could not handle noise of any kind, that all noise was a terrible distraction, and that I could not hold two thoughts together to focus to make a decision. It was maddening to me. It then occurred to me that this must be what Grace's daily experience must be like. It gave me a whole new appreciation for what she endures every moment.
Of course, in addition to healing from this surgery we have daily life...and the added stressors of my Mother In Law's medical issues and wound care that my husband has to care for every 2 days and how to deal with all of the pieces of my brother in law's head injury/his medical care/his financial needs/the case against his assailant, etc which take hours a day. But...that is for another post...
Friday, May 11, 2012
In His lap
Today after I testified in court (very short and uneventful) I took a walk down a tree lined street while I waited for my husband to come pick me up (court was not near us so he took the opportunity to do errands since we don't go that direction very often). As I waited I found a park bench. It was a curious thing - two benches facing each other on a curb. They were very comfortable and surrounded by wild grasses, flowers, and fragrant trees.
Looking a little further there was a cool breeze - a bit too cool for my comfort. There were buildings all around. Vehicles drove past frequently. Right across the street was construction - the erecting of a new building. Cement trucks, back hoes, jack hammers, dust, noise, people were everywhere.
Initially I was annoyed by the surroundings. By and by He whispered in my hear that He had provided a nice place to rest. He reminded me to rest in my immediate surroundings and not attend to the distractions. To sit on my Abba Father's lap and rest in Him. To draw near to His promises, to the immediateness of Him, to the lavishness of His love for me, to trust in His timing, plans, and outcomes.
This few days in my life I have been so overwhelmed with what I am not getting done that I cannot even begin a to do list to think of what needs to get done.
Yet, God gave me a few sweet moments of quiet and spoke to my heart.
Turn your eyes upon Jesus, Look full in His wonderful face, And the things of earth will grow strangely dim, In the light of His glory and grace.
So, even though I can't find my kitchen counters, each of my kids have some kind of crisis or another that I feel utterly inept at finding a long term solution to, I am worried about my surgery and that of my mother in law, and no matter how much I get done there is 10x more to do behind it...for a few moments I sat on my Abba Father's lap...and rested...anticipating an eternity of gazing full in His wonderful face:)
Looking a little further there was a cool breeze - a bit too cool for my comfort. There were buildings all around. Vehicles drove past frequently. Right across the street was construction - the erecting of a new building. Cement trucks, back hoes, jack hammers, dust, noise, people were everywhere.
Initially I was annoyed by the surroundings. By and by He whispered in my hear that He had provided a nice place to rest. He reminded me to rest in my immediate surroundings and not attend to the distractions. To sit on my Abba Father's lap and rest in Him. To draw near to His promises, to the immediateness of Him, to the lavishness of His love for me, to trust in His timing, plans, and outcomes.
This few days in my life I have been so overwhelmed with what I am not getting done that I cannot even begin a to do list to think of what needs to get done.
Yet, God gave me a few sweet moments of quiet and spoke to my heart.
Turn your eyes upon Jesus, Look full in His wonderful face, And the things of earth will grow strangely dim, In the light of His glory and grace.
So, even though I can't find my kitchen counters, each of my kids have some kind of crisis or another that I feel utterly inept at finding a long term solution to, I am worried about my surgery and that of my mother in law, and no matter how much I get done there is 10x more to do behind it...for a few moments I sat on my Abba Father's lap...and rested...anticipating an eternity of gazing full in His wonderful face:)
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Surgery
I am having surgery next week. I have been reluctant to talk about it since it is not one of those surgeries that people talk about;) However, I am learning that I can't do anything in my own strength and part of my humanness is frailty, so I am tentatively stepping out to ask for help.
First, I really would like prayer that I would have peace. My whole life I have struggled with fear and anxiety. Being intubated and under anesthesia so I don't know what is going on around me conflicts with my intense desire to maintain control lol!
Second, I would like prayer for the procedure itself - that it would go very smoothly, recovery would go well, there would be no complications, and it would correct what it is supposed to correct.
Third, I would like to ask for help. When I first found out about the surgery I thought, "Ok, 30 minute procedure, in and out of hospital in 6 hours, feel "normalish" within 24 hours. No problem." I was naive to reality however (I usually am!). Pray that I do not over do it too soon!
Post op: I will not be able to lift anything over 10 lbs for 2 weeks and over 20 lbs for 4 weeks after that. For those of you who have met my 25 lb toddler and notice how many hours a day he is in my arms...I am thinking that I will be sitting and holding him a lot. That means that less will be done than what is now getting done lol! Emotionally he and the kids will notice something is "amiss" and I anticipate added clingyness. I think of not being able to carry him, put him in or out of the car seat, in and out of bed, etc. I won't be able to even carry my briefcase! I am concerned with how church will go since JJ will not go to nursery and I have to sit in the back with him (not that anyone can help with that since he won't go to anyone!). Anyway, I am trying to be realistic and proactive about what life will need to look like.
You may say, "you have a husband and older kids to help." Yep, I do. I know they will step up wonderfully. But my husband and Beautiful both have jobs and will be gone a lot leaving me with the littles. I suspect, in all honesty, that it will be harder to deal with Grace than it will be to deal with JJ. She requires much physical redirection although it is SOO much better than it used to be:)
We also just discovered today that my husband's mother (who is in Assisted Living a few blocks away) will be having some surgical procedures done over the next few weeks that will take my husband away (physically and emotionally) as he navigates that process with her. When I heard what she needs to have done I was glad for my procedure!
I think that the most helpful piece would be if anyone would like to watch a kid here or there. We are blessed that Grace will be going to her grandparents house overnight the weekend right after surgery (the surgery is on her birthday and they will be celebrating with her:). Taking one of them on an outing would help so much.
We have been in prep mode and: got the swing set up so the kids can be sent outside to play safely. ITBS testing today and tomorrow will officially end our school year (although Math and Reading will be done all summer). I testify in court on Friday so that stressor will be gone. I am thankful Beautiful is not in softball this year! I should still be able to stand and cook, sit and organize, etc. I will be able to sit so I should not have any issues with my job, I anticipate getting caught up on desk work, and I plan to do lots of sitting and cuddling/reading with the little ones. I hope to be able to take them to the new pool a lot but will have to be creative about how to not carry anything:)
I suspect that during this time I will be further refined in keeping "the main thing the main thing." Each time I get too task oriented God seems to physically restrict me so that I have to focus on family and vertical relationships more and that I learn that I must take the time to be teaching the kids well rather than just coming up behind them "fixing" things so it is done "my" way.
July 1 is a long time from now. When I think that I can't lift the baby until then I panic a bit knowing his personality and knowing that it is a huge burden on the rest of the family to take me out of the "helping" equation. But, God is always good. Most of you have been through much tougher times than just not being able to lift much for 6 weeks. He will bring much spiritual fruit out of this and, hopefully, significant improvement on quality of life:) We will trust in Him for the outcome.
First, I really would like prayer that I would have peace. My whole life I have struggled with fear and anxiety. Being intubated and under anesthesia so I don't know what is going on around me conflicts with my intense desire to maintain control lol!
Second, I would like prayer for the procedure itself - that it would go very smoothly, recovery would go well, there would be no complications, and it would correct what it is supposed to correct.
Third, I would like to ask for help. When I first found out about the surgery I thought, "Ok, 30 minute procedure, in and out of hospital in 6 hours, feel "normalish" within 24 hours. No problem." I was naive to reality however (I usually am!). Pray that I do not over do it too soon!
Post op: I will not be able to lift anything over 10 lbs for 2 weeks and over 20 lbs for 4 weeks after that. For those of you who have met my 25 lb toddler and notice how many hours a day he is in my arms...I am thinking that I will be sitting and holding him a lot. That means that less will be done than what is now getting done lol! Emotionally he and the kids will notice something is "amiss" and I anticipate added clingyness. I think of not being able to carry him, put him in or out of the car seat, in and out of bed, etc. I won't be able to even carry my briefcase! I am concerned with how church will go since JJ will not go to nursery and I have to sit in the back with him (not that anyone can help with that since he won't go to anyone!). Anyway, I am trying to be realistic and proactive about what life will need to look like.
You may say, "you have a husband and older kids to help." Yep, I do. I know they will step up wonderfully. But my husband and Beautiful both have jobs and will be gone a lot leaving me with the littles. I suspect, in all honesty, that it will be harder to deal with Grace than it will be to deal with JJ. She requires much physical redirection although it is SOO much better than it used to be:)
We also just discovered today that my husband's mother (who is in Assisted Living a few blocks away) will be having some surgical procedures done over the next few weeks that will take my husband away (physically and emotionally) as he navigates that process with her. When I heard what she needs to have done I was glad for my procedure!
I think that the most helpful piece would be if anyone would like to watch a kid here or there. We are blessed that Grace will be going to her grandparents house overnight the weekend right after surgery (the surgery is on her birthday and they will be celebrating with her:). Taking one of them on an outing would help so much.
We have been in prep mode and: got the swing set up so the kids can be sent outside to play safely. ITBS testing today and tomorrow will officially end our school year (although Math and Reading will be done all summer). I testify in court on Friday so that stressor will be gone. I am thankful Beautiful is not in softball this year! I should still be able to stand and cook, sit and organize, etc. I will be able to sit so I should not have any issues with my job, I anticipate getting caught up on desk work, and I plan to do lots of sitting and cuddling/reading with the little ones. I hope to be able to take them to the new pool a lot but will have to be creative about how to not carry anything:)
I suspect that during this time I will be further refined in keeping "the main thing the main thing." Each time I get too task oriented God seems to physically restrict me so that I have to focus on family and vertical relationships more and that I learn that I must take the time to be teaching the kids well rather than just coming up behind them "fixing" things so it is done "my" way.
July 1 is a long time from now. When I think that I can't lift the baby until then I panic a bit knowing his personality and knowing that it is a huge burden on the rest of the family to take me out of the "helping" equation. But, God is always good. Most of you have been through much tougher times than just not being able to lift much for 6 weeks. He will bring much spiritual fruit out of this and, hopefully, significant improvement on quality of life:) We will trust in Him for the outcome.
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Allergy Journey Update
It has been awhile since I have updated about allergies. We have been experimenting with a new intervention and wanted to hold off a bit to see if it was maintaining its helpfulness. As I have talked about in the past we have tried a wide range of treatments in the past. We have used chiropractic adjustments, supplements I have read about, traditional medical testing resulting in allergy shots for inhalant allergies and elimination diets for food sensitivities, traditional medication, UA testing with a biochemist to learn what the body needs in order to better process out toxins (that resulted in more supplements and dietary changes), and the current, very non-mainstream, procedure.
BACKGROUND:
We have seen improvement with some kids with some interventions and some kids with other interventions.
Faith (inhalant allergies) improved at the beginning with allergy shots but about 2 -3 months into it she regressed back to terrible congestion. It affects her sleep and is affecting her concentration more and more.
Grace (food sensitivities with some inhalant along with ADHD) improved initially with DHA and probiotics but it was inconsistent. The elimination diet helped initially from the traditional allergy physician, but she was sensitive to so many things that we could not maintain it well. That told us, however, that food allergies definitely play a part in her ADHD issues. In sheer desperation we finally put her on an ADHD medication and we keep it as low of dosage as possible. That has been helpful but we worry about the long term effects of it. We then started the biochemist process and that has been very helpful. We have learned that her kidneys and liver were not processing toxins, and have worked to improve that. We are improving her digestive processes. This process, coupled with the ADHD medication, helped behavior noticeably. However, as her behavior lessened we discovered just how pervasive the concentration/focus issues were for her.
JJ's issues are inhalant allergies (although we are learning there are some food/digestive issues too) and they were not helped well by anything that we did. He developed RSV 12 months ago after battling congestion since he was born. He was hospitalized for for hydration. Since then he never went longer than 6 - 8 weeks before being on another antibiotic. His congestion doesn't drain well and then becomes a sinus infection. He has a minimal appetite when he feels this way (understandably) and gains weight one month just to lose it the next. The biochemist supplements were very difficult to get into him, but did increase his appetite some. We quit them for several months due to the fight of getting them into him. When we went to Mexico we found that he breathed NORMAL for the first time. We came home and bought a $900 air purifier that was very effective for in house allergens...until the hot temps made the pollen outside explode. At that time he got very congested when outside (how can one avoid being outside lol!). We started the supplements again (just 2 - Lymph and Soft Tissue) with a strong effect. He actually likes those mixed in cranberry juice as long as the other supplements aren't in it:)
THE PRESENT:
We were getting ready to pursue the traditional skin testing for JJ and weekly shots. A friend suggested this alternative. Then two other people from different "circles" for me suggested this alternative as well. To say that I was reluctant and skeptical was an understatement. It involves "technology" that also includes muscle testing. I really don't like muscle testing. I stay far away from muscle testing. I see absolutely zero science behind muscle testing. In fact, I am deeply concerned for spiritual issues related to muscle testing. However, very reluctantly, we thought that we would try it and see if we could make one last ditch attempt to avoid weekly shots. We prayed a lot...then we took the plunge.
We have had a total of 9 treatments for Grace and JJ, and 6 for Faith to date. Supposedly it is one treatment per sensitivity - forever. No going back for many treatments for the same thing, etc.
Grace: Wow. We are seeing huge improvement in her focus and concentration. Have we stopped the ADHD medication? No. Some days I try 1/2 to see how it goes. Her digestive process was also "treated" and we are seeing additional improvement with that.
Faith: Wow. Her constant congestion is improved. She is still congested and we can hear her breathing all of the time, but the sneezing "mess" is gone.
JJ: Wow, wow, wow. Inhalant allergies: Last year at this time if we took him outside in the stroller for a walk, etc he would not sleep that night due to the congestion. He now sleeps through the night at least 6 out of 7 nights. Last night was even 11 hours even after being outside for hours playing!!! He and Faith have not had any nebulizer treatments at all when last year they were daily treatments. No more sneezing/runny nose. No more constant coughing. I can still hear him breathing but it is about 50% of what it was. He has gained weight for 2 months in a row. He actually sleeps deeply for many consecutive hours rather than waking every couple of hours and needing to be held to fall back asleep. He has not been on an antibiotic since right before we left for Mexico in February.
Food issues: He is eating like a champ. That was almost instantaneous when his digestive issues were treated. His main source of nutrition has been raw milk since he will not give up the bottle and won't eat much. He will not eat a WHOLE banana whereas before he would spit out one bite. The foods he is eating is increasing. He will eat an actual portion of food rather than just a few bites. He actually gets "hungry" and asks to eat. One weird thing that makes no sense to us is that he will actually drink cold milk right from the fridge now. That was also instantaneous. We have been warming his bottles for 20 months or he just would not drink them. All in all we are very impressed with this. too.
Fear issues: While JJ has been with us since birth, he has a very heightened fear response similar to a person with PTSD. Hence the constantly clingyness, total fear of strangers, and our inability to leave him in church nursery or with babysitters. While we still cannot do those things, overall it is very, obvious to us that his fear response is significantly diminished. At the home school conference we thought since he afraid of strangers he would stay right with us like EVERY OTHER social event we have been to. Ha! He delighted in running off and checking out fun things his eye level as long as people did not engage him. Not fun lol! He will go into nursery and actually play with kids now (as long as we DON'T leave!) whereas before he would just cling to us in fear. He has actually even smiled at a couple of strangers! I have even stopped the supplements for the past 3 days to see if we can get him off of those altogether while maintaining the gains.
Time will tell if these improvements are long-term. However, we are very encouraged and excited about the current status of things. We understand that many of our kids' issues are due to prenatal insults and thus the neurology of their makeup cannot be changed. However, we also strive to help them be as healthy as they can be with the areas of their lives that can be changed. We are very thankful to God that He put people around us to step up and tell us of this option or we would probably be giving weekly shots by this time. So, I want to pass this option on to you in case you check it out and find it may be an alternative for you:) It is called AAT - Advanced Allergy Therapeutics. You will find articles that say it doesn't work. You will find testimonials that say it works great. We are tentatively watching and waiting to see if the improvements "hold." But for now, we are so thankful the we tried!
With this said, we also tried this "treatment" for some non allergy related things that she said it could help. We have not seen any improvement with those things. But...that is for another post:)
BACKGROUND:
We have seen improvement with some kids with some interventions and some kids with other interventions.
Faith (inhalant allergies) improved at the beginning with allergy shots but about 2 -3 months into it she regressed back to terrible congestion. It affects her sleep and is affecting her concentration more and more.
Grace (food sensitivities with some inhalant along with ADHD) improved initially with DHA and probiotics but it was inconsistent. The elimination diet helped initially from the traditional allergy physician, but she was sensitive to so many things that we could not maintain it well. That told us, however, that food allergies definitely play a part in her ADHD issues. In sheer desperation we finally put her on an ADHD medication and we keep it as low of dosage as possible. That has been helpful but we worry about the long term effects of it. We then started the biochemist process and that has been very helpful. We have learned that her kidneys and liver were not processing toxins, and have worked to improve that. We are improving her digestive processes. This process, coupled with the ADHD medication, helped behavior noticeably. However, as her behavior lessened we discovered just how pervasive the concentration/focus issues were for her.
JJ's issues are inhalant allergies (although we are learning there are some food/digestive issues too) and they were not helped well by anything that we did. He developed RSV 12 months ago after battling congestion since he was born. He was hospitalized for for hydration. Since then he never went longer than 6 - 8 weeks before being on another antibiotic. His congestion doesn't drain well and then becomes a sinus infection. He has a minimal appetite when he feels this way (understandably) and gains weight one month just to lose it the next. The biochemist supplements were very difficult to get into him, but did increase his appetite some. We quit them for several months due to the fight of getting them into him. When we went to Mexico we found that he breathed NORMAL for the first time. We came home and bought a $900 air purifier that was very effective for in house allergens...until the hot temps made the pollen outside explode. At that time he got very congested when outside (how can one avoid being outside lol!). We started the supplements again (just 2 - Lymph and Soft Tissue) with a strong effect. He actually likes those mixed in cranberry juice as long as the other supplements aren't in it:)
THE PRESENT:
We were getting ready to pursue the traditional skin testing for JJ and weekly shots. A friend suggested this alternative. Then two other people from different "circles" for me suggested this alternative as well. To say that I was reluctant and skeptical was an understatement. It involves "technology" that also includes muscle testing. I really don't like muscle testing. I stay far away from muscle testing. I see absolutely zero science behind muscle testing. In fact, I am deeply concerned for spiritual issues related to muscle testing. However, very reluctantly, we thought that we would try it and see if we could make one last ditch attempt to avoid weekly shots. We prayed a lot...then we took the plunge.
We have had a total of 9 treatments for Grace and JJ, and 6 for Faith to date. Supposedly it is one treatment per sensitivity - forever. No going back for many treatments for the same thing, etc.
Grace: Wow. We are seeing huge improvement in her focus and concentration. Have we stopped the ADHD medication? No. Some days I try 1/2 to see how it goes. Her digestive process was also "treated" and we are seeing additional improvement with that.
Faith: Wow. Her constant congestion is improved. She is still congested and we can hear her breathing all of the time, but the sneezing "mess" is gone.
JJ: Wow, wow, wow. Inhalant allergies: Last year at this time if we took him outside in the stroller for a walk, etc he would not sleep that night due to the congestion. He now sleeps through the night at least 6 out of 7 nights. Last night was even 11 hours even after being outside for hours playing!!! He and Faith have not had any nebulizer treatments at all when last year they were daily treatments. No more sneezing/runny nose. No more constant coughing. I can still hear him breathing but it is about 50% of what it was. He has gained weight for 2 months in a row. He actually sleeps deeply for many consecutive hours rather than waking every couple of hours and needing to be held to fall back asleep. He has not been on an antibiotic since right before we left for Mexico in February.
Food issues: He is eating like a champ. That was almost instantaneous when his digestive issues were treated. His main source of nutrition has been raw milk since he will not give up the bottle and won't eat much. He will not eat a WHOLE banana whereas before he would spit out one bite. The foods he is eating is increasing. He will eat an actual portion of food rather than just a few bites. He actually gets "hungry" and asks to eat. One weird thing that makes no sense to us is that he will actually drink cold milk right from the fridge now. That was also instantaneous. We have been warming his bottles for 20 months or he just would not drink them. All in all we are very impressed with this. too.
Fear issues: While JJ has been with us since birth, he has a very heightened fear response similar to a person with PTSD. Hence the constantly clingyness, total fear of strangers, and our inability to leave him in church nursery or with babysitters. While we still cannot do those things, overall it is very, obvious to us that his fear response is significantly diminished. At the home school conference we thought since he afraid of strangers he would stay right with us like EVERY OTHER social event we have been to. Ha! He delighted in running off and checking out fun things his eye level as long as people did not engage him. Not fun lol! He will go into nursery and actually play with kids now (as long as we DON'T leave!) whereas before he would just cling to us in fear. He has actually even smiled at a couple of strangers! I have even stopped the supplements for the past 3 days to see if we can get him off of those altogether while maintaining the gains.
Time will tell if these improvements are long-term. However, we are very encouraged and excited about the current status of things. We understand that many of our kids' issues are due to prenatal insults and thus the neurology of their makeup cannot be changed. However, we also strive to help them be as healthy as they can be with the areas of their lives that can be changed. We are very thankful to God that He put people around us to step up and tell us of this option or we would probably be giving weekly shots by this time. So, I want to pass this option on to you in case you check it out and find it may be an alternative for you:) It is called AAT - Advanced Allergy Therapeutics. You will find articles that say it doesn't work. You will find testimonials that say it works great. We are tentatively watching and waiting to see if the improvements "hold." But for now, we are so thankful the we tried!
With this said, we also tried this "treatment" for some non allergy related things that she said it could help. We have not seen any improvement with those things. But...that is for another post:)
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Moving forward after 4 years...
It has been a long 4 years. Most of the time we have felt like we were fumbling in the darkness or trying to tread water but mostly sinking under the water coming up to gasp for air. June marks 4 years since Grace became legally ours after the 20 month "unknowns" of a foster placement - she turned 2 the month before the adoption. It is also the month that Superman and Faith came to us as foster kids - the month they turned 3, and 2. 16 months later we officially adopted them (they never had visitation with bio family so they were always with us after placement). 8 months later we were agency approved for a domestic infant adoption and 2 months after that...we found out about JJ, traveled to get him, watched him be born, and had him home within 7 days.
I know many families who have added more children than we have. I know many who have added harder kids. I know many who have more kids the same age. But the past 4 years have been tough on us. Here is a glimpse into our journey.
Mostly, I have been deeply humbled by this experience. I have had to sort through my beliefs about myself, others, God, and faith. I have struggled with my own sin - mostly pride. I have had to rethink what the "main thing" is. Stress tends to bring all of the "yuck" of a person to the surface.
What I have probably learned more than anything else is that I cannot do it. Those of you who know me understand my Type A personality and that this would be deeply humbling to me. Growing up on a farm I learned to work hard. Growing up during the 1980's farm crisis as a farmer's daughter I learned what it was like to have little. I thrived in academics and, bolstered by competition with my younger brother who is WAY smarter than I, I sought to do my best. I laugh now that I wanted off of the farm so much that I chose a field the supposedly would give me a "9 - 5" job. Now I'm self-employed and home schooling a 1/2 dozen kids - there is no 9 - 5 lol!
It has been hard to ask for help and only very recently have I realized the necessity for this. I have thought about "how it takes a church family" to raise up our children. I am so deeply thankful for the individuals who have stepped up to be special friends for our children. In my pride I used to think I could be their everything...lol...not even close.
It has also been humbling for me to let others see what our children are like. I have felt pressure from "you are Christians, your children "should" behave." Or, "you are home schoolers, your children need more socialization and then they won't misbehave." Or, "you have too many kids and are not able to give them what they need so they misbehave." I have had to let go of my expectations of well mannered children and accept that their behavior belongs to them. My role is to discipline and guide - their job is to learn it and own it. At the end of life, I answer to God for teaching it...and they answer to God for learning it. I have also come to have much grace for others when I see their children not doing "whatever" like they "should"...and learned that I cannot expect that others will have that same grace for me...
Grieving the loss of dreams is hard. Realizing that my dreams were mine and I was not resting in God's perfect plan was crushingly humbling. I had always admired from afar when other adoptive parents were knowingly adopting "special needs" kids. I thought what they were doing was great...but I could never do it. God must have laughed at my plans and decided to remind me who was in control and by Whose strength all things were done when He blessed us with our kiddos. I am now in a more peaceful place of resting in Him as we seek to do what we can to give our kids the most we know how, and leaning on His grace that the children are perfectly created by a loving Creator. I have learned so much about the neurological effects of early trauma, prenatal insult, learning "differences," and their corresponding treatments...and lack of treatments. I have walked the line between appreciating a diagnosis so I can better tailor daily life to the needs/abilities of the child and yet remembering that the child is simply the child, not a diagnosis. However, this continues to be my biggest struggle to date...
I have learned when my body is telling me "it is TOOO MUCH!!!" Less than a year after we had 3 essentially same age children I herniated a disk. Bending over bottoms, tubs, sinks, beds, carseats, etc and carrying 3 toddlers took its toll on me. I did not know what it was at the time. I just knew that my lower back experienced much pain and my legs and feet were numb and had shooting pain a lot. It took over a year to get the diagnosis of a herniated disk. That was the beginning of July 2010. I had 6 weeks of 3x a week traction...then JJ came. The pain was utterly unbearable at that time. I dreaded going to bed as during the night the disk would swell and I could not roll over or even wake up without terrible pain. Often my husband would have to roll me over as I could not do it myself. I could not stand first thing in the morning...the pain was as horrid as childbirth. During the day I would get to a place where I could function. I could not vacuum, give baths, sweep, twist, carry groceries, etc. Never mind actually carrying a child, rocking in a rocking chair with a child (leaning back in a chair or sitting with my feet up was horrific), sit in a car comfortably, stand comfortably, walk for exercise, etc. When JJ came he would wake at night and my husband would have to get up with him and try to pacify him while I took 15 minutes to get out of bed and into a chair to feed him (JJ could not handle formula so I went through the process to breastfeed him - also meaning I could not take pain meds). While JJ was born at 5lbs 4 oz and his slow growth has been worrisome to us, we have seen God's hand in his slow growth coupling with my back getting stronger so that I could carry him. When he would born I could not even lift 10 lbs. JJ is a very clingy child and desires to be "worn" much. It has aided tremendously in bonding and I am now able to wear him (with limits) and he is just about at 25 lbs!!!
Other ways I have learned that my body is over taxed:
back pain, forgetting words (biggest one), exhaustion, irritability, unable to hold 2 thoughts together (laugh, but I could not logically play cards for awhile and am thrilled that I can now think well enough to play well again lol!). Some days I just don't have the motivation to do anything.
Ways I cope:
I let myself not do anything (for a very infrequent day), knowing that I will be more efficient on the days where I have energy and motivation. I even let myself nap when necessary (not every often). The baby just started sleeping through the night a month ago so between the pain from my back and his not sleeping through the night it had been years since I had slept through the night. I'm trying to learn how to do it again:) I make sure that my work week is M and T. I may work 12 hour days on M and T, but I keep it there. I have to say 'no" to a lot of ministry and fun things. My friendships have significantly dwindled. I don't know what is going on in the world. I don't feel guilty for it, knowing this is my season of life to raise up children. I walk with my husband as many times a week as possible - it is the only uninterrupted time we get! I have allowed my house to be far more cluttered than would have ever been acceptable in the past. Every now and again I attempt to find the horizontal surfaces where things get stacked and put up high away from baby's reach. The floors stay pretty well cleared and cleaned:) I absolutely plan nothing for Sundays. I need that day as my "clutch." That is how the Lord intended it, right? So sometimes I feel bad that we don't invite someone over for lunch after church, etc. But I know that I have to protect that day if I am going to be able to recharge myself to get through the week.
I talk with people about being a coffee pot - we just keep pouring out into others but need to be refilled or we will not be effective in filling them. I also think about a car with a manual transmission (I learned to drive on one:) One needs to push in the clutch and disengage the motor. I think often of my "clutch" time - how to know when the RPM's are too high and when I just need to disengage. I think that the turning point for me finally starting to feel like I was not drowning occurred when our family went to Mexico a few months ago. It was a total time of disengagement and it has yielded much fruit for me despite some people not understanding why we would leave 2 of our children here when we were on a "family" vacation.
Aside from pushing in the "clutch," I have decided that grace for others is necessary for my sanity. Other people just simply do not understand. I could not possibly understand if I were not living it. So, when we are told that we are bad parents for leaving our children home during a vacation, or that we need to discipline a child more and she wouldn't act that way, or we need to be less strict, or we just need to let the baby cry it out in nursery or to sleep through the night, or whatever else we have heard over the past 4 years - I just need to smile to myself that once I was in their legalistic shoes and now I need to just wait for God to work on their hearts like He has worked on mine (not that I don't still struggle with a host of legalistic issues).
After trying a host of options to help the needs of our kids we are seeing some progress. JJ now sleeps through the night most nights at 20 months. He has not been on an antibiotic for 3 months and has gained weight for 2 consecutive months. He is eating and developing nicely. Grace is calmer and more focused. We are beginning to consistently see the sweet and caring girl that she is. Superman is making progress in the classroom and learning to use his words to express his many fears. Faith is finding her voice to tell us what is on her heart. Buddy is making progress being an almost 12 y/o boy and all of the fun of that age lol! Beautiful is quickly moving toward an independent life.
I have said yes to a couple of extras and we will see how they go. I'm teaching Sunday School again this summer. I will continue to teach "song time" for the elementary in the church. I obviously continue to work and all that is involved in that. I am determined to deeply purge and organize this house this summer to have a solid standing going into next school year. My husband and I are trying to get away by ourselves more (3x total since JJ has come home lol!). I feel like I can more intentionally plan for the day, week, month, year rather than just being happy to survive the day. We believe we are done adding to our family so now we are looking forward to what we are to do to raise up these blessings that have been entrusted to us to know Him, love Him, obey Him, trust Him, serve Him, and live for Him.
I know many families who have added more children than we have. I know many who have added harder kids. I know many who have more kids the same age. But the past 4 years have been tough on us. Here is a glimpse into our journey.
Mostly, I have been deeply humbled by this experience. I have had to sort through my beliefs about myself, others, God, and faith. I have struggled with my own sin - mostly pride. I have had to rethink what the "main thing" is. Stress tends to bring all of the "yuck" of a person to the surface.
What I have probably learned more than anything else is that I cannot do it. Those of you who know me understand my Type A personality and that this would be deeply humbling to me. Growing up on a farm I learned to work hard. Growing up during the 1980's farm crisis as a farmer's daughter I learned what it was like to have little. I thrived in academics and, bolstered by competition with my younger brother who is WAY smarter than I, I sought to do my best. I laugh now that I wanted off of the farm so much that I chose a field the supposedly would give me a "9 - 5" job. Now I'm self-employed and home schooling a 1/2 dozen kids - there is no 9 - 5 lol!
It has been hard to ask for help and only very recently have I realized the necessity for this. I have thought about "how it takes a church family" to raise up our children. I am so deeply thankful for the individuals who have stepped up to be special friends for our children. In my pride I used to think I could be their everything...lol...not even close.
It has also been humbling for me to let others see what our children are like. I have felt pressure from "you are Christians, your children "should" behave." Or, "you are home schoolers, your children need more socialization and then they won't misbehave." Or, "you have too many kids and are not able to give them what they need so they misbehave." I have had to let go of my expectations of well mannered children and accept that their behavior belongs to them. My role is to discipline and guide - their job is to learn it and own it. At the end of life, I answer to God for teaching it...and they answer to God for learning it. I have also come to have much grace for others when I see their children not doing "whatever" like they "should"...and learned that I cannot expect that others will have that same grace for me...
Grieving the loss of dreams is hard. Realizing that my dreams were mine and I was not resting in God's perfect plan was crushingly humbling. I had always admired from afar when other adoptive parents were knowingly adopting "special needs" kids. I thought what they were doing was great...but I could never do it. God must have laughed at my plans and decided to remind me who was in control and by Whose strength all things were done when He blessed us with our kiddos. I am now in a more peaceful place of resting in Him as we seek to do what we can to give our kids the most we know how, and leaning on His grace that the children are perfectly created by a loving Creator. I have learned so much about the neurological effects of early trauma, prenatal insult, learning "differences," and their corresponding treatments...and lack of treatments. I have walked the line between appreciating a diagnosis so I can better tailor daily life to the needs/abilities of the child and yet remembering that the child is simply the child, not a diagnosis. However, this continues to be my biggest struggle to date...
I have learned when my body is telling me "it is TOOO MUCH!!!" Less than a year after we had 3 essentially same age children I herniated a disk. Bending over bottoms, tubs, sinks, beds, carseats, etc and carrying 3 toddlers took its toll on me. I did not know what it was at the time. I just knew that my lower back experienced much pain and my legs and feet were numb and had shooting pain a lot. It took over a year to get the diagnosis of a herniated disk. That was the beginning of July 2010. I had 6 weeks of 3x a week traction...then JJ came. The pain was utterly unbearable at that time. I dreaded going to bed as during the night the disk would swell and I could not roll over or even wake up without terrible pain. Often my husband would have to roll me over as I could not do it myself. I could not stand first thing in the morning...the pain was as horrid as childbirth. During the day I would get to a place where I could function. I could not vacuum, give baths, sweep, twist, carry groceries, etc. Never mind actually carrying a child, rocking in a rocking chair with a child (leaning back in a chair or sitting with my feet up was horrific), sit in a car comfortably, stand comfortably, walk for exercise, etc. When JJ came he would wake at night and my husband would have to get up with him and try to pacify him while I took 15 minutes to get out of bed and into a chair to feed him (JJ could not handle formula so I went through the process to breastfeed him - also meaning I could not take pain meds). While JJ was born at 5lbs 4 oz and his slow growth has been worrisome to us, we have seen God's hand in his slow growth coupling with my back getting stronger so that I could carry him. When he would born I could not even lift 10 lbs. JJ is a very clingy child and desires to be "worn" much. It has aided tremendously in bonding and I am now able to wear him (with limits) and he is just about at 25 lbs!!!
Other ways I have learned that my body is over taxed:
back pain, forgetting words (biggest one), exhaustion, irritability, unable to hold 2 thoughts together (laugh, but I could not logically play cards for awhile and am thrilled that I can now think well enough to play well again lol!). Some days I just don't have the motivation to do anything.
Ways I cope:
I let myself not do anything (for a very infrequent day), knowing that I will be more efficient on the days where I have energy and motivation. I even let myself nap when necessary (not every often). The baby just started sleeping through the night a month ago so between the pain from my back and his not sleeping through the night it had been years since I had slept through the night. I'm trying to learn how to do it again:) I make sure that my work week is M and T. I may work 12 hour days on M and T, but I keep it there. I have to say 'no" to a lot of ministry and fun things. My friendships have significantly dwindled. I don't know what is going on in the world. I don't feel guilty for it, knowing this is my season of life to raise up children. I walk with my husband as many times a week as possible - it is the only uninterrupted time we get! I have allowed my house to be far more cluttered than would have ever been acceptable in the past. Every now and again I attempt to find the horizontal surfaces where things get stacked and put up high away from baby's reach. The floors stay pretty well cleared and cleaned:) I absolutely plan nothing for Sundays. I need that day as my "clutch." That is how the Lord intended it, right? So sometimes I feel bad that we don't invite someone over for lunch after church, etc. But I know that I have to protect that day if I am going to be able to recharge myself to get through the week.
I talk with people about being a coffee pot - we just keep pouring out into others but need to be refilled or we will not be effective in filling them. I also think about a car with a manual transmission (I learned to drive on one:) One needs to push in the clutch and disengage the motor. I think often of my "clutch" time - how to know when the RPM's are too high and when I just need to disengage. I think that the turning point for me finally starting to feel like I was not drowning occurred when our family went to Mexico a few months ago. It was a total time of disengagement and it has yielded much fruit for me despite some people not understanding why we would leave 2 of our children here when we were on a "family" vacation.
Aside from pushing in the "clutch," I have decided that grace for others is necessary for my sanity. Other people just simply do not understand. I could not possibly understand if I were not living it. So, when we are told that we are bad parents for leaving our children home during a vacation, or that we need to discipline a child more and she wouldn't act that way, or we need to be less strict, or we just need to let the baby cry it out in nursery or to sleep through the night, or whatever else we have heard over the past 4 years - I just need to smile to myself that once I was in their legalistic shoes and now I need to just wait for God to work on their hearts like He has worked on mine (not that I don't still struggle with a host of legalistic issues).
After trying a host of options to help the needs of our kids we are seeing some progress. JJ now sleeps through the night most nights at 20 months. He has not been on an antibiotic for 3 months and has gained weight for 2 consecutive months. He is eating and developing nicely. Grace is calmer and more focused. We are beginning to consistently see the sweet and caring girl that she is. Superman is making progress in the classroom and learning to use his words to express his many fears. Faith is finding her voice to tell us what is on her heart. Buddy is making progress being an almost 12 y/o boy and all of the fun of that age lol! Beautiful is quickly moving toward an independent life.
I have said yes to a couple of extras and we will see how they go. I'm teaching Sunday School again this summer. I will continue to teach "song time" for the elementary in the church. I obviously continue to work and all that is involved in that. I am determined to deeply purge and organize this house this summer to have a solid standing going into next school year. My husband and I are trying to get away by ourselves more (3x total since JJ has come home lol!). I feel like I can more intentionally plan for the day, week, month, year rather than just being happy to survive the day. We believe we are done adding to our family so now we are looking forward to what we are to do to raise up these blessings that have been entrusted to us to know Him, love Him, obey Him, trust Him, serve Him, and live for Him.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)