Our Girls...

We would really value your prayer right now. I don't even know what to say except that our daughters need prayer for repentant hearts. We need wisdom on what to do next. I have written this out many times and have opted to just keep it to the point. It is ugly. Our home is a war zone. Most of our energy is spent in damage control and containment. For the first time I have to fight feelings of regret that we adopted. For the first time I really understand why people disrupt adoptions. For the first time I understand why people choose to give up. There are so many things that we just cannot do because we cannot trust the girls. There are so many things our other kids don't get to do because we can't trust the girls and I feel guilty for that. What will they remember of their childhood? I am frustrated by all of the friendships and support system that we cannot explore because of their behavior. To be brutally honest Grace is improved from where she was 6 months ago (except when she is around Faith) but Faith is already farther down any path that Grace ever walked. Grace, with her ADHD, is highly impulsive and energetic leading her to get into trouble with her lack of self-control in the moment. However, Faith is very intelligent and self-controlled, and therefore very intentional and careful about how (and where) she does what she does. After Grace's out of control moments she is very sorry and remorseful (until the next time). Faith just denies and puts energy into figuring out how not to get caught the next time, or how to get someone else to take the fall.

I keep singing a song over and over and over hundreds of times in my head to keep me focused. I am so thankful for God. My hope is in Him. Not my daughters' choices. I don't own their choices. Their choices are between them and God. I am responsible for teaching them right from wrong. I am responsible for teaching them about God, His expectations, and his grace and mercy upon repentance. I am responsible for giving them consequences for sin. I am responsible for protecting our other children from the war zone. I am responsible for my relationship with God. None of us are promised happy outcomes. None of us are promised happy days up until the outcome.

We are promised:
His faithfulness.
His sovereignty.
His goodness.
His timing.
His mercy.
His grace.
His love.

The God of Angel Armies - Chris Tomlin