And she is gone...

 The first time the girls left we thought they would go to treatment, come back in 18ish months, and then we would have a couple of years together as a united, healthy, functional family before the 3 Middles graduated high school.

That was not to be. 2020 we held hope that was our future. 2021 showed us that "healthy and functional" was not to be. So now both girls are gone and will never live in our home again. They will remain in residential treatment until they graduate high school, then move on. 

It is a different feeling this time, with a different expectation for a future. With a different expectation of family. 

This child that we were able to get into an extensive evaluation the week before Christmas that recommended a structured residential program until graduation because of the issues discovered. Issues we had considered but did not really want to accept were reality. They are her reality. And therefore ours. 

What happens upon graduation and she leaves that program? I don't know. She vacillated between saying she wanted to be adopted by another family and never return and that she wanted to remain with our family. Time will tell that outcome. 

The last 6 weeks our family has essentially been in lockdown attempting to contain the behaviors of this child. Now we grieve, again, and look forward to whatever our new normal will be. There is a mixture of relief that we do not have to deal with the extensive issues we dealt with, and sadness that our family does not look like what we thought it would look like.

Yet, through it all we are reminded that God is sovereign. He is good. He is not surprised by this. He has a plan. He knows the future. And we can trust in Him. 

And, we have 4 children who have made different choices. 4 children, and son-in-law, and 3 grandchildren who have been marginalized for years because of all of the energy and decisions that had to be made just to survive 2 of our children. We are choosing to delight in them. Refocus our energy on them while we still have them. We are choosing Joy.