A lot of this week went well. Friday we went to see Grace. We had an hour of family therapy, then an hour visit. We are moving forward with the plan to have Grace transition to the long term group home after she is discharged from the psych hospital. I refuse to consider that she will not be accepted. Please pray for that outcome. It would be the best outcome for all involved. She did have a bad Monday doing something there for the first time that she had only done at home before. Clearly, even after being there for 6 weeks, she is still having very concerning behaviors. With that said, she is showing that she is trying, and transitioning to the long term group home would give her a long time to cement those skills she is learning.
On the home front we have had some ups and some big downs. JJ has had more nights he is sleeping through the night. Superman is doing better with his responsibilities. Buddy has decided on a direction to pursue regarding where to obtain his BS in Computer Science. Faith and I had some lovely times together. Saturday was absolutely precious with her. Then Sunday came... Uggg. She is a very tough kid. After 11 years of living with her I can confidently say that I do not know her. So when something particularly bad happened Sunday we are left wondering how to proceed. I can't make sense of it, don't know what to do, and really would appreciate your prayers for wisdom, direction, and her heart change. We are considering putting in an application to the group home for her as well...
Other positives: I actually want to do things. I feel like I am mostly feeling like I did back before the realities of the last decade. Like the woman who got a bachelors and doctorate degree in 7 years. I sleep about 6 hours at night and can't sleep any longer (it doesn't help that I rarely get to bed before midnight. But when I do get in bed by 11 I wake up at 5 lol!) - the moment I wake my mind swirls with my "to do" list and I cannot fall back to sleep. That is an improvement over waking up being consumed with anxiety about our home returning to the tension it used to have. I have also realized that I do not dread leaving my room in the morning knowing what I would face. I am realizing that I used to sleep more in the morning just to avoid tough issues in my life/home. So now I am excited to get up and get things done. It is such freedom !! I am working crazy busy hours on top of the home projects. I am doing so much more and find that I am not in what had become my "normal" of retreating or shielding myself from others by hiding away, reading a book, and being in constant pursuit of mental escape. My body isn't hurting like it was. I feel hope again. My mind feels clear and able to concentrate and remember things. I went in for my every 3 week massage today and she told me that I was in MUCH better shape than I was 3 weeks ago. Yay! AND my blood pressure 2 months ago was at an all time high. I had never had high blood pressure in my life! Now it is back down to my normal levels:)
I know I need to slow down work though. My husband is needing me at home more. I am tired after my 13 and 15 hour days and not available to help him. Tuesday, for the first time in my life, I wished that I was a coffee drinker as I really needed some caffeine. AND when I got home from work and my husband had to tell me about what had happened that day I told him, for the first time, that I didn't care and don't even tell me. Every other day I really try to listen to how his day has gone and the crazy stuff he has to deal with...but that day it was not happening.
Today was my day off. It started at 6 a.m. when JJ crawled into bed waking me up so I couldn't sleep anymore. So I got up and did my work out (that I try to do 5 mornings a week - it helps my pain levels). Then I tried to clean up the kitchen from what the kids did not do last night, showered, and went to my 9 a.m. massage. Then I saw 2 clients that I couldn't fit in the rest of the week, came home for 25 minutes. During that time I did some fast cleaning and rushed over to see Bella since it is her 2nd birthday today!!!! yay!!!! I took her some treats and was out the door in under 5 minutes. Then we rushed to the school where we had a fun meeting with the principal... After that we got home and I finished up 3 psych evals. I then got back in the car to go get the kids from school. I finished up more paperwork at the table while supervising the kids actually doing their homework, telling myself I was done doing things for the day. Then I remembered I had to scan some papers in and send them off. Then I saw the fleece fabric for Bella's birthday blanket and remembered I was supposed to have it done for her birthday party - tomorrow! I got two little blankets sewed up for her, got Faith started making grilled cheese for supper, and drove JJ to basketball practice. I came back and told my husband I was done for the night and was going to put my feet up and asked him to get JJ after practice (rifle season starts on Saturday. My husband is spending every spare moment trying to build shelves in the garage, after ripping out the cabinets, so he can actually make room to get the deer in the garage lol!). But did I actually put my feet up? of course not lol! Then I remembered that I really need to stay accountable and keep up with writing this. I can easily get lazy and stay task oriented without stopping to assess how I am doing because I am too focused on what I am doing. The last task I need to get done tonight is to write my grandmother a card. Her birthday was the 5th...sigh... I wanted to send her pictures with the card but didn't get them picked up until today. So...
Birthday card to Grandma. Then done. No more. Done for the night. maybe...
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