Believe it or not, the child who has bringing me the most stress lately is my oldest (not that she is doing anything wrong!!). Preparing to launch a child into the world...the first-born...is more stressful than I had anticipated lol! I mistakenly believed that once she left I would miss her, and that would be the main problem to deal with...then. She told us what she wanted to study and where she wanted to attend school. Thus, those things were not stressors. However, realizing the shortness of time in trying to finish up the last of the training on those character issues all parents want to indwell their children is nerve wracking. On top of that we have had the basketball issue (couldn't play due to her knees, then got cleared and decided to try a practice, was not well received by some teammates and thus decided to not deal with the mental energy of all that and chose to not play-(I am really minimizing the drama and angst of all of that)). How she would have had time to play/practice is beyond me anyway.
She applied for a job this past week and we are hopeful she will get it. It is perfect for her and for her future. However, it is a lot of hours for someone taking 2 college classes and finishing up her Senior year of high school. It will be good for her, preparing her for college next year, if she gets it.
Then, those college classes. Ugg! At the moment I am uploading her final speech. Once she takes her 2 finals I think I will be as happy as I could be if it were my own college classes lol! Next semester she has 2 more classes but I think it will be easier on me since I won't have to do the technical stuff that I am not gifted in (uploaded videos to youtube!!)
Then...math....yuck. She does not like math. She is struggling with it all so we have finally, this week, gotten her a math tutor. She has to drive 45 miles one way once a week to see the tutor...in the opposite direction of the 5 day a week job we are hoping she gets...as we are heading into the winter/snow/ice season...but we are trusting that God will work it all out!
So, those things have been time consuming and mental energy consuming.
I have also been contemplating lately how I have felt in the past that I do not have enough time. I don't really have enough time, but I also have a million ways that I waste time. I have come to the conclusion in the last couple of days that it is not so much a time issue as a mental energy issue. I just don't have the motivation, mental energy, desire, umph, to do things at the pace I used to do them. I don't have the care for things to be as perfectly done as I used to. I have become complacent. Once one loses momentum it is hard to regain it...
Sleep is a part of this issue. Most of the time I don't get enough sleep. JJ continues to wake in the night. We have had sick kids this week so that affected sleep. JJ did let me have 7 hours of uninterrupted sleep the past 2 nights though. I am so happy about that! Usually it is about 5 hours of very interrupted sleep - either by a child or just laying in bed worrying about...stuff... And I have been having migraines more frequently (I didn't even realize that my headaches were migraines until about a month ago. Then I realized that I have been having them for 20 years:( I have learned more what brings them on and how to stop them early on now that I know what they are. They slow down my mental energy too...
We have started to use Essential Oils. I was pretty skeptical at first but we have had some successes. Particularly with headaches, fever, and nausea. We have been using them for ADHD and sometimes it seems to help and sometimes not. I made a "sleep cream" with several EO's and have been thrilled that they are working on the kids. The nights that I actually remember to put it on him he sleeps longer. One would think that would be proper inducement to remember it every night... It doesn't make him fall asleep any sooner though which is unfortunate as I have tried diffusing Lavender to get him to sleep earlier and it only makes me fall asleep lol!
Grace seems to sometimes respond to the EO's as long as we are also using the neurotransmitter supplements that I wrote about a looong time ago. The supplements have definitely made a positive impact - but that does not mean that life with her is anywhere near easy. We increased her ADHD medication last month in an attempt to get some more impulse control and better focus for school (the teachers are saying they just can't get her to focus - but I already knew that;) The first day she was pretty docile and I was hopeful...but as of day 2 she is back to exactly where she was before. If the teachers also continue to report no improvement we will lower the dose back down and carry on as is...
Anyway, another issue we have been dealing with has to do with my husband's diabetes. We have sought alternative medicine counsel and have been following it. We changed 3 primary things so far: 1) we bought an expensive water ionizer/purifier/whatever you want to call it 2) he is on a detox regimen, and 3) he had all of his silver/mercury fillings replaced. He has had these things done over the course of the past month and his glucose numbers have dropped to where some days they are actually in the normal range! We are trying to treat him without insulin and, so far, we are cautiously and happily optimistic for the long term implications. He goes back next week for a follow up so we will see what he finds out then:)
That discussion of diabetes leads to a difficult reality...we found out yesterday (although suspected it for months) that my husband's mother will be having her other leg amputated in the very near future. Probably within a month. That brings up so many issues 1) stress on my husband for having to make this decision because 2) his mother can no longer make any real decisions due to her mental health and 3) the issues that it brings up of doing such an invasive surgery on someone who really won't understand and that will (based on prior experiences) only mentally be permanently worse after all of the procedures are done. That and tomorrow marks the 30th anniversary of my husband's brother's death - which is obviously always hard on him and his mother.
On to another fun topic, yesterday we had a person give us an opinion about what they thought was in one of our children's best interests - knowing full well that it was in complete opposition to what we believe and had stated that we wished, and then they tried to back us into a corner with no options. I have not been that livid in a very long time. I haven't even been able to respond to the person yet as I know full well that words not fit for polite society will come out of my mouth. I am trying to find a way to deal with it in a civilized and appropriate manner that will allow for future contact...but so far can't bring myself to say anything nice and actually mean it. So...I will continue to pray that God gives me the grace to be appropriate. When people, especially people that I have trusted, come at me with guns firing having not chosen first to hear and understand our reality it burns me. Really deep. I had a similar situation happen with someone 2 1/2 years ago and haven't had any meaningful conversation with them since. It isn't that I am holding a grudge. It is that I am responsible for protecting my family against people who choose to make accusations without first gathering facts. I can readily forgive people for their ignorance or insensitivity...but that doesn't mean that I am going to allow them to harm my children over it.
And, moving along from that lovely topic...
Although this one is complicated it is more philosophical at the present. This morning I was reminding the children why they need to learn to obey. I also reminded them that if they ever end up in jail that their father and I will not bail them out. They will have to deal with the consequences of their choices (does that sound in opposition to my previous paragraph? I don't think so. I will protect my children, but sometimes protecting means they have to deal with the consequences of their choices). Anyway, somehow that topic got moved into racial profiling given the current political issues in our country, and even more complicated was the reverse racism, racial tensions, etc. Superman then asked if we would bail him out if he had not actually done anything wrong. Teared me right on up. I so wish I could protect my kids from that ever happening to them, but instead I have to teach them about those realities too. So, I assured him that if he ever was in that kind of a situation we would bail him out and fight for him. At this time he desires to be a police officer, so I wonder what kinds of prejudices that he will encounter if he continues that path. It was such an ugly reminder of the complicated business that living on this sinful earth is. Superman has such a precious heart to always, always, always do the "right" thing. Life is simply too gray too often for that to be an easy task.
Then Grace started asking odd questions like, "when they handcuff you, do they put your hands in front or in back?" And discussions of different kinds of alcohol, legal drinking limits, etc. Faith, being a stickler for details like Superman is, asked "so, people are driving while they are drinking or they drink beforehand and then drive?" I will admit that for much of the conversation they kept up with such deep questions that I stuttered through most of it while trying to honestly answer while trying to respect their young minds. It gets me every time when they jump me with all of those hard questions. Uff da!
So...other stuff is going on too but this is long enough. And to think that when I first sat down I couldn't get myself started lol!
If you think of it, pray for us over the course of the next week. A lot of life-changing decisions need to be made in the midst of life rolling along... ;)
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