Today I am 40. That number looks a lot higher than how I feel lol! I have wanted to write various update posts lately so thought I would settle for a long post briefly updating most of the facets of our life right now. It will be pretty haphazard...kind of like my thought processes lately!
I have been contemplating the blessing of being 40. I consider that Roe v Wade was right before my birth. While my mother never contemplated abortion, it is heavy on my heart that many women who were pregnant right around the time of my mother chose to kill their unborn child. Millions of children worldwide who will never turn 40.
On the upside, I think about how sweet it is that I used to think that 40 was really old and now I pray urgently and earnestly for the gift of being a mom again at 40! My husband and I were both 24 when our oldest was born. We thought about how we would be "free" from kids by the age of 46 with our "proper" number of 2 kids being graduated by then. Now we hope to be starting a child in kindergarten when we are 46. God has a way of shaking up what we value and belief and making us stare Him in the eye and account for our choices. Obviously we have chosen to follow His path in this area and not our own. It certainly has not been easy. But it is a blessing!
Kid news:
Rose: I know that many of you are looking for an update on her. She turned 8 weeks old this week. She is over 10 lbs. Just today I had to pack away all of the newborn clothes and wash all of the 0-3 month clothes. After dealing with JJ's struggle to gain/maintain weight I had forgotten that "normal" babies grow out of clothes quickly! She is a great eater and sleeper. She usually sleeps 6 hours at night before eating and going right back to sleep. She had one night she slept 11 hours and the next was 8!
We are still not licensed:( I finally called the FBI myself two days ago and was informed that the FBI had processed our fingerprints and sent them back SIX WEEKS AGO!!!!! My anger and shock was profound. Thankfully they have now been found (after I made phone calls and demanded action). We had prayed for the impossible that in only 2 1/2 days our license would be issued but it was not. The woman is on vacation next week who approves the licenses so we are now praying that someone can issue it in her stead as we have been told that all of the information is now there. We have not heard from the caseworker in 15 days. Every time my phone rings I get a pit in my stomach that we will be told her hand Rose over until the final approval. I am thankful that it is Friday and I won't have to worry about it again until Monday... Praying and asking you to pray for the license to be issued ASAP!!! Then there is the birth dad situation...praying that does not become an issue...
JJ: He is eating like a trouper! He is trying new foods. He weaned himself from his bottle a few weeks ago and is drinking very well from a real cup. He is sleeping well at night. He is taking naps daily. He is an energetic and curious two year old who demands to not be forgotten. He will think nothing of jumping off of furniture onto his stomach, climbing up on anything, pulling things down from where he should not be reaching, etc. I am astonished to even think it, but I have to admit there are quite a few similarities between he and Grace...although he is decidedly more reckless... Whew!!! Potty training began in November and went well...except that he doesn't tell us when he has to go. He will stay dry even for naps, church, all night, etc but we have to remind him to go. That means...with the extra distractions of our home right now...that we are still dealing with diapers/pulls ups. At least we are saving some money on diapers though lol!
Faith: She is doing great. There is not much to ever say about her as she is a, for the most part, easy going child with a Princess attitude. She has to have the fortitude to handle being a "twin" with Grace and yet the sensitivity to handle situations responsibly and with character given the impulsivity and irrationality that is in her face constantly. She is very, very bright and I absolutely love teaching her. She is in several 2nd grade subjects already. Yet...there is clearly the presence of pain and yuck as a result of her 1st two years before she came to us. She draws conclusions about things in her 6 year old mind that she does not yet have the strength to endure. I am sad for the burdens she clearly carries.
Grace: I have done an update on her recently. Not much is new with her other than we are having bedtime problems with her again. Having Rose here has disrupted Grace's structure and unfortunately her behaviors are worsening. She is constantly asking "what can I do?" Since it is winter and we are occupied with littler ones she is too often left to her own devices, rebelling against verbal direction. This is an area we are struggling to improve on right now. We are seriously considering having to build an addition onto the house just to have her in her own room...or build a divider in the girls' room.
Superman: I'm sure that it has been noted that I do not post about Superman often. I struggle to know how to describe this little man in our home. Quite honestly, once I start to think deeply about him mostly I sit and cry. Having Rose here has resulted in my crying quite a lot for reasons other than what you may think. Holding Rose reminds me of the 3 years that I did not get to hold her brother. Of the 3 years that Superman endured tragic things...that he remembers. Of the 3 "lost" years that have so deeply ripped away his ability to be a child. Of the 3 years that have affected him in a way that we feel like we can't get "in" and know "him." Superman never feels safe. Never. For example, Superman has NEVER fallen asleep in my arms. Can you imagine? A child that never feels safe enough to sleep while being rocked and cuddled? He came the week he turned 3! 3 year old should feel safe fall asleep when rocked! Everything that I learned about kids who come from hard places fits Superman. He is such a precious young man with a heart of pure gold. But...he just cannot trust. I fear for Rose going to a home where she would endure things that her brother was not protected from. I am so thankful for Superman's deep attachment to Rose and how he can heal through her. I am horrified to know that millions of children endure worse and have no hope for safety...
Admittedly...it is probably because of how much we grieve this lost relationship with Superman that we go so overboard with JJ to be absolutely sure he knows without a doubt that he is safe...even when he "should" be being encouraged to be more independent...
Buddy: I don't write about Buddy much either. He is a 12 year old boy - there is not much to say lol! He loves video games. He is a class clown. He is an independent thinker. He had lost his smile for a few years. He has it back and we are utterly delighted. He is now taller than me and he blushes amazing shades of red around girls...particularly blonde ones...sigh... He is making new male friends who play basketball with Beautiful and we love this new young man who is developing before our eyes. He is not the easiest person to get along with given his very set ideas about things. We are so thankful for his friends:) Adding the youngest children has been hard on Buddy and Beautiful. I think we are finally getting to a better place:)
Beautiful: Our Beloved 1st born will be 16 this month. This has been a very tough year, again it has been hard on the oldest 2 with the issues of adding the younger kids but other issues are just growing up issues. We are seeing Beautiful blossom into an amazing young woman. She is finally owning her own faith and is settling into the precious person that God has intended her to be. She is finally believing that she is precious. I will be very sad to have her leave our home. She graduates in 2 1/2 years. I am already missing her! It has been fun to watch her mature in many areas of her life once she finally got her feet firmly set in her identity in Christ and now we are enjoying sitting back and watching God guide her:)
My Birthday:
My husband had to take his mother to the surgeon this morning for a follow up appt. Her 3rd amputation was not healing...but seems to be healing well now! We are hoping this continues and she can move forward with the process of getting a prosthesis and learning to walk again.
Since he was gone, I got up and made the kids french toast (my favorite breakfast:) I even let myself put syrup and powered sugar on top lol! My husband came home an announced we were going to Pizza Ranch for lunch. It was a lot of fun - just think of all of the high fructose corn syrup I ingested today lol! Then we headed to Goodwill for jeans. I can't believe the number of jeans the kids wear holes through!! I even got myself a pair of jeans. It seems that I have been gaining weight steadily since Superman and Faith came and have been unable to lose it. However, since Thanksgiving I have lost 10 lbs with little effort. I have finally found a good outcome for intense stress lol!
My gift is a TV stand! We have wanted a TV for years but did not want to spend the money on it nor could we find one in the wood and style that we wanted (shelves and drawers for storage). So...my husband enlisted a carpenter friend of his to make one:) It should be here next week. I am excited!!
Blessed by my family:) Blessed by my friends:) Blessed abundantly by God!
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