Complications

I wrote in my last post about the fears I was having of both getting to have Rose and of possibly losing her to a different forever family, and how I am trying to combat those fears.  This week I have had more opportunity to talk myself through more fear.

We know who Rose's mother is.  We do not know who Rose's father is.  Rose's mother will not tell anyone who the father is.  She talked to HHS and said that she would tell them on Friday.  She did not show up for the appointment.

What happens now?  Biological fathers have rights to their children, and this is a very good thing.  Every state has different opinions about how locating birth fathers should be handled in situations where they are not providing for the child (or being "fathers").  One of the major reasons we loved adopting JJ from Utah, is that the father can be unnamed/unknown and his paternal rights terminated.  In fact, he has only 3 weeks to come forward after the child is born and then has to prove that he both emotionally and financially supported the mother during the pregnancy.  If no father steps up, the rights are terminated without anyone have a responsibility to notify him.  Many people in the adoption world appreciate this law.  Many people hate it.

In our state, every "reasonable effort" must be used to locate the father and have him notified.  In Superman and Faith's case, the fathers were identified and they simply refused to respond to any of the notifications or letters.  The process for notifying an unknown father involves, at the time that the child is ready to be adopted, the state publishing a statement in a newspaper saying something like "to John Doe, if you believe you have a child who was born on such and such a date at such and such a hospital you need to notify these people immediately."  It is run for 3 weeks.  If, after that time, no one steps forward, the father's parental rights are terminated and one can move forward with the adoption.

While legally the County Attorney of the county where Rose was born can actually terminate paternal parental rights earlier in cases like these, she will not.  It is apparently a source of much contention between HHS and this County Attorney.  That means we have to wait until May before she will even consider this process.  This is a long time to bond with a child and have many unknowns hanging.  What if the mother identifies the father at any time in the meantime?  Then he gets notified.  If he, or any of his family decides they want to keep the baby, they get to go through the hoops to do so.  If they are a fit family that I totally understand that they should have their child.  But...the likelihood of that given what we know?  Well, it frightens us a great deal.

Best case scenarios?  No one finds out who the father is, or he is notified and refuses to respond.

But there is also the downside...I am sad to imagine what it will be like to tell our children that their father's did not choose to respond. 

Through this I keep clinging to God's sovereignty.  There are so many things that are outside of our hands.  Probably the most peace that I receive is remembering how God orchestrated everything during our fire.  If you weren't around for the fire, here is a brief recap (there are many more details):

I unknowingly started our house (attached garage) on fire.
A total stranger (who was a fireman in another town) saw the fire and stopped and got us out.
The stranger directed me to get the van out of the garage (before the gas tank blew up) and I safely complied even though there were flames through the roof over me.
A total stranger saw our kids standing outside and kept them warm in their car until our friends from a block away came and got them out of there (again, I had nothing to do with that).
One of our local firefighters just "happened" to be driving by at the same time and got everyone mobilizing before ANY 911 calls had been made!
In the end, the Fire Chief told us the house would have been gone in about 2 minutes had they not gotten there when they did.
I could share about the many, many people who loved on us during that time in amazing ways and were His skin to us, but that is not the purpose of this post.

Who saved the house?  God did.  My foolishness vs God's power.

In the past almost 6 years (Good Friday 2007 was the fire) I have had many opportunities to reflect on His power and control.  While the fire was the most traumatic experience of my life to date, it was also the day that I learned that without a doubt I am nothing and He is everything.  It was the day that I (only later realized) that I can have total peace from being in His arms because I have no control and can totally submit everything to Him and He has it ALL covered.

So I have spent time over the past several days reflecting on Good Friday 2007.  I am reminding myself that whatever happens with Rose He is working behind the scenes, His outcome will occur, and despite whatever pain and trauma (and drama) we incur along the way it will ALL be for His glory and our refinement.

What looks like a complication to me...is not to Him.  It is an opportunity for prayer...and submission:)