I have said many times in my walk with the Lord that "you never know what the next 5 minutes is going to bring." Boy do I know it! If you followed my previous posts you would see that we were devastated to find out that Superman and Faith had two sisters that we never found out about who are being adopted into another family. We grieved through that. I grieved through that. I came to a place of submission and thankfulness to God for having taught me some tough lessons that I would not have other wise had the opportunity to learn. Among them was how much I could miss and grieve for a child(ren) that I have never met and how much it hurt to think that someone else was raising them.
Well...A lot has changed in the past 5 weeks. Five weeks ago today we got a call that there is another sister...who was born 5 weeks ago...and HHS was wondering if we were interested in being her foster parents and then be the probable choice for adoption if it comes to that. Ummm...yes!
Well, the yes took a bit for me to chew on. Thankfully God allowed there to be time to chew on it as Baby Rose (as we will call her for the purposes of this blog) was in the NICU for a time. She has then gone to live in a foster home until we can get all of our paperwork together to be licensed again. My husband has been almost giddy with excitement about Rose. I have had some concerns (fears) that I have thankfully worked through and am now just sitting back watching to see how God pulls this together.
Some God fingerprints that I have stored up in my heart:
That we even got the phone call for this child!
That the state is willing to consider us when we are not even foster care licensed!
That we essentially got to choose the foster home where Rose would be living (called a licensed foster home friend who was not able to do it, but her friend was able to do it and the state agreed:)
That the foster parents who have Rose are amazing. I cannot even communicate in words what a precious, precious gift that they are to us.
That through this process my fears about learning more about the other 2 sisters were not even allowed to stew as the foster mom called me and they are wonderful too:)
That Superman and Faith are so excited to get to have "their" family. It has hurt them so much with our other two open adoptions. This gives them some "family" too:)
That the situation with Rose has allowed Superman to share some of his vulnerabilities and for us to have some good cries together processing emotions.
That we got to meet Baby Rose and the other two sisters! What a precious day for Superman and Faith! Superman in particular was amazingly precious with his sisters. He is such a kind and gentle soul, the perfect Big Brother:)
That the licensing agency came THE NEXT DAY to do our home study, and we got our finger prints done that same day too!
That the home study appears to be mostly completed at this time...just WAITING on fingerprints to get approval!
That Christmas/New Years Eve and Day fall on Mon and Tue this year...the same days that I work which means that I have 3 weeks off of work!
That we got a call offering for Rose to visit over Christmas. She went home for a week (during which time we had kids down with influenza) and got to have another visit with her over New Years.
That even if we don't get to adopt her Superman and Faith got to celebrate Christmas with their sister:)
That the court is moving to terminate parental rights right away this month (still quite a process) and there is NO visitation ordered!
That He has blessed us with so many incredible friends who are praying for us, for Rose, and the people who have given us baby clothes, a car seat, a bassinet, a swing, etc since we have gotten rid of all baby things!
That I got to meet a woman last week who was a missionary in Haiti and adopted two kids from there who are still at home while her older children are all gone and blessed her with 13 grandchildren! She was 51 when her youngest was a babe! My fears of having a newborn at 40 are quite silly;)
That when we had her over New Years week we witnessed various symptoms and because of our amazingly dedicated and capable physician Rose was quickly diagnosed with Milk Soy Protein Intolerance and CDIF, allowing her to receive very quick treatment (changed her formula). I have since heard terrible stories of babies in Children's Hospitals for weeks/months until they finally discover the cause.
That within 24 hours on the new formula Rose's bloody stools ceased (changing your baby's diaper and finding blood is NOT something that keeps a person very calm).
That her CDIF is not severe and does not need to be treated at this time.
That Rose is so calm and serene. To have a calm baby in our family is a huge blessing lol!
That JJ has chosen this time to self wean himself from his bottle. Beautiful, Buddy, and Grace all self-weaned to a cup at 11 months. Since JJ has had so much trouble gaining weight we never wanted to press the issue just wanting to get sustenance in him any way possible. He is finally not only drinking from a cup but will also drink water and juice! He is also eating more and willing to taste food more. He may just lick it. He may chew it up and spit it back into our hand. But he is finally trying more!
JJ is also sleeping most nights through the night in his own bed AND AND AND taking naps most days! Totally amazing.
During my time of processing how quickly my life was being turned upside down, I realized that I was just operating out of fear. Fear that 7 children would be "too many." Fear that I was somehow raising someone else's child (that we were not the "right" forever family for her). Fear that it will hurt if we bond with her and don't get to be her forever family. Fear of dealing with the mother. Fear of dealing with friends and family who don't understand. Fear that more time will be taken away from our other kids than is already the case. Fear that this child will be 2 when Beautiful graduates...how will it affect our last few years with her? Fear that having the 7th child will make the other 6 not get "enough."
Since fear is not to drive our decisions (other than fear of the Lord) I have to choose to not listen to those thoughts. I must hold every thought captive and examine it in light of the Word, not the World. I must keep my Audience of One and only care what my heavenly Father thinks. I must not think that I even get to decide outcomes...that is His job! Instead I get to walk forward in faith that He has got my next 5 minutes covered:)
Having had Rose now for 2 visits I will say that I am totally and completely in love with her and strongly attached. It was very painful to take her back to the foster home the second time. I don't sleep well, missing her, when I should be enjoying getting a full night sleep! It is how it should be, and we are trusting God for the outcome of us being her forever family.
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