We continue to work on tweaking her nutritional needs. We had a really bad day last week and could only attribute it to her getting into some candy the day before. Kids with her specific issues (various genetic issues, spiritual issues, prenatal issues, etc) tend to have strong cravings for sugars and starches which break down in the body "improperly" leaving them with what look like the effects of intoxication. She runs into walls and other objects, she is highly impulsive, she gets belligerent, and she is very careless and seemingly totally unaware of where her body is or how it is affecting other people.
When Grace is not like this she is so sweet and maternal. She genuinely wants to love on others (wanting them to accept her expressions of love regardless of what their actual wants are lol), she wants to impress others and is always looking for a smile or word of encouragement, she is very quick to hug and give physical affection (much to JJ's dislike lol!), and she is the first one to come up with an alternative use for an object or ask if a request/command can be "tweaked." ;) (OK, admittedly the latter one is not always a positive!)
Grace loves to carry her baby doll around (who gets a new name every few days - who wants the same name forever?!?!). She will be very sure it is cared for. This morning I sent her to her room right before church (we were in a hurry of course) to change a piece of clothing. She took a long time and when she came up she matter of factly stated that she had to change her baby dolls dress because she could not go to church in pajamas!
Grace also likes to see just how firmly the line is drawn in the ground. She will push and break and bend every rule we have. One of her famous lines are when being disciplined is "what _____?. For example, if I say "go sit on the steps" she will respond with "what steps?" The steps will be the only steps within any visual sight and only a few feet away from her. If I hold out a glass and say, "drink this water" she will respond "what water?" This list goes on and on and is unique of our children to our Grace.
One of the things that we have discovered with the medication, supplements, and allergy desensitization interventions that we have tried is that they help with the hyperactivity issues but we still really struggled with the focus and concentration. About a month ago we asked our physician to try a different medication to help more with concentration. He also did blood work which came back mostly normal. The medication's lowest recommended dose is 30 mg, but it comes in 20 mg capsules...whaaaa??? So, we asked if we could just do the 20 mg. One thing we had found with the Ritalin over the course of the other interventions is we could 1/2 the dose and get the same results. We found that when the hyperactivity/impulsivity was better managed we became aware of just how bad the concentration/focus issues were. We would get days or hours when it was better...but it was not consistent. That is another hallmark symptom of kids with issues like Grace - people often say that their learning/behavior is like "swiss cheese." Sometimes you have it...sometimes you don't.
Anyway, over the course of the past month we seen significant improvement - although not to perfection. The "swiss cheese" moments we most of the time can find the trigger for whether it be lack of structured time (she needs to be kept closely monitored and her activity closely structured), or she is hungry, or she is tired, or she ate something she should not have (absolutely NO meat or candy!).
Grace desperately needs external boundaries. She has not mastered internal restraint at all and is highly impulsive (except for those first few hours on her medication - thankfully that is school and church time when we need her to be the best behaved and focused lol!) If she is in trouble she will say "you left the spray bottle on the table where I could get it," or "Faith told me to do it so I did it." Despite our many discussions about being responsible for our own sin she doesn't "get it." We trust that in time she will...with the guiding of the Holy Spirit in her life. At times she does display genuine remorse, but again it seems to depend on where she is at in being able to think calmly and focused. This issue of "logic" is also absent in school making for quite the conundrum for me as I attempt to figure out how to educate her. She doesn't understand the simplest of concepts such as "what is 1 more than 2?" She does not have the perseverance to push through not understanding in math and reading, then becomes very frustrated when Superman and Faith are academically further than her. But, it will come. Grace is created for a purpose by God and if it is not in academics then so be it:)
Normally she is quite the tattle tale. Our other kids will certainly come and confess someone else's sin to us, but with Grace it is a 20x an hour event. I try to send them outside as much as possible but it always always always results in someone getting hurt and/or Grace coming into the house to tattle. I can tell who comes in the house from the other room by the quickness of the door being opened and before even the door can shut or a breath of air being inhaled I am hearing "Mom! Superman looked across the street!!" or "Mom! Faith won't let me ride her bike!" Or...well...you get the picture. If she was the sinner in the situation she is also the first one in the door making sure that she has fully explained why it was someone else's fault. This may actually be one of the hardest parts of daily life with Grace. There is no relaxation. Every moment some kind of yelling, tattling, accident, etc is occurring. The other kids cannot get 1:1 undivided attention because she is always needing redirection or prevention from some type of wrong she is attempting. But, admittedly the hardest problem issue with her is probably the screaming. Grace cannot modulate - modulate her mood, her body temperature, her wants, her hunger, her thirst, her focus on a particular want...or her frustration when told "no." We have so many, many hours of listening to her screaming inconsolably until she just tires out. Yes, those are the two most difficult character issues with Grace. But, hey, are they unique to the human condition? Aren't they essentially the Genesis 3 issues of "it was her fault don't blame me" and the Exodus issues of "no, I don't like this...grumble...grumble....temper tantrum....." So, alas, while frustrating they are a constant reminder to me of my own Genesis 3 and Exodus issues and I attempt to focus on my own "plank" while dealing with Grace's "splinter."
Some moments have totally broken our hearts in the past month and while they are new to her growing older...I know they will only become more heartbreaking. As she is able to think a bit more focused and long term she seems to be thinking about why things are happening to her, and this is usually during moments at bedtime (always the worst part of the day for her) when she is sobbing and asking "why did that girl run away from me at the pool? We were playing and then she just took off running? Doesn't she like me?" In the past month we are seeing her developing an awareness of how others experience her...and that it is not always as positive as she would like. It would seem like she has such a hard shell...yet these moments of insecurity, sensitivity, worry, doubt, and feeling "not enough" hit her with full force.
Grace...she provides a constant reminder of how much we are to extend grace and the beautiful blessing of having received it...and her;)
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