Ball 1: My mother in law is not doing well. We put her in hospice yesterday. We know that it will be a blessing when she passes. She has so incredibly many complications with her medical issues (all diabetes related - diabetes is a terrible disease!) She has dementia. She started to refused to eat and drink so we are taking the cue to just let her go. We cannot force treatment anyway.
We debated at length about if the kids should go and see her or not. My husband did not think the kids should see her - especially how she was on Tuesday. She was unresponsive most of the time, but at the end of the night punched him as her sundowners took over and her combativeness began. We had just spent time with her the previous week - a brief time between hospitalizations when she was up and alert and able to hold a relatively ordinary conversation. But, we decided yesterday to let the kids come up and say goodbye to her. They really don't know her any other way than in the nursing home (since 2010), multiple hospitalizations, often not knowing who they are, etc. She has always had such a gentle and welcoming spirit though and is always ready with a smile. She is not a complainer. That is a trait that I wish I could emulate better - I must say that my stress level is currently such that I fear opening my mouth because not much positive comes out. I am pretty much utterly overwhelmed. So, I have tried to avoid posting on fb or making other chit chat as my dad taught me that if I didn't have something nice to say I should say nothing at all! Why am I blogging then? Partly because if I can't speak I still need to get the words out...partly because blogging helps me to unravel my thoughts and put them in some kind of categories and logic. Sometimes.
I totally digressed there. I am afraid this post will involve many bunny trails.
So, last night all 8 of us went up to see my mother in law. My husband was already there and he was uncomfortable when we got there. The problem is that my mother in law thinks that my husband is her ...husband. She believed that she was in the hospital and they just had a baby girl. She was thrilled that so many people came to see her and the baby girl. She was laughing and giggling. When words came out of her mouth that were actually words and not gibberish we all didn't know what to say so we just smiled and agreed. That resulted in my husband being a little (jokingly) frustrated with me when she told me to talk to her husband, I asked where he was, she pointed at my husband, and I just agreed. I am not good with words right now and don't think that I am describing the visit well, but we were all laughing. We were all poking fun at my husband. He was very good natured about it and laughing too - nothing was mean spirited about any of it. We were not laughing at my mother in law. It was just probably the best way to deal with the tension and the reality. My husband is torn between wanting to spend this last time with his mother and being really creeped out at her insistence that he is her husband. We laugh a lot that he doesn't even look like his dad did. I am not being irreverent, really. We were so thankful that the visit was light and full of laughter as a last memory for the kids. I don't know if we will go up there again as a family. We will let the kids decide if they want to go or not. JJ loves to go up and see his grandma and didn't really notice that anything is different. She hasn't been able to have real conversations for a long time anyway so he just sees it as getting to say hello and be "busy" in her room. The Middles - it is a little different. They have already had more loss and abandonment and rejection than anyone should have to have. Grace is still quite traumatized by her aunt dying Memorial Day 2014 and all of the grief with that loss (and that she hasn't gotten to see her bio family since then). Superman and Faith are just - quiet. Like usual. It is hard to get them to put emotions into words. Buddy is matter of fact and not relational so he is fine. Beautiful is struggling with death, loss of a grandma right before her wedding, loss of us as parents being focused on her wedding as we are dealing with this trauma, etc. It has probably been the hardest on her, and Grace. We have taken the opportunity to use this to discuss the importance of having a saving faith in Jesus and what the reality of death is about.
Alright, that was quite enough of that topic I think...
Ball 2: The Wedding There is really no way for me to even put any of it into words. IT IS LESS THAN ONE MONTH AWAY!!!! I am stressed. overwhelmed. afraid that it will not be pulled together in time. frantic that I am forgetting huge details that will make this all a disaster. and reminded constantly that this.is.not.my.giftedness!!!! Stomach in knots. Crazy. Despite what is happening with my mother in law we still have to keep moving this forward. My husband needed a break from 3 days in the hospital and with his mom is as "stable" as she can be for now he and Buddy took off for Menards (and other stores) to try to restore his equilibrium lol! He loves to shop. I would rather do almost anything than shop. Ugg. If she still remains stable tomorrow we will be heading to another town to get the boys' suits, all of the kids dress shoes, all of the paper products, etc. Again...Uggg.
A friend came over last night and made the bouquets for us. She is so amazingly talented and I am.so.thankful!
Ball 3: Letting Go
I don't like this ball any more than the others. I hate letting go of Beautiful. If I stop and think about it too long I start to cry. So, I will keep this short. I am so happy for her. I am so proud of her. I am so thrilled for the next adventure of her life. But I will miss her fiercely. She is my Beloved, my First Born. I refuse to be one of the "those" mother in laws...but boy will this be tough for me! We keep trying to have as much time together as possible, but between my mother in law, the wedding plans, work, the other 5 kids, and Beautiful working 6 days a week from noon to 8 lifeguarding we don't see her much. I wonder if it will be this hard with all of the kids? I feel like by the time JJ is gone we will be in the nursing home lol!
Ball 4: Grace
Grace, Grace, Grace. About a month ago we doubled her ADHD medication and added a sleeping pill again. We have also retested her neurotransmitters and will see if she needs another supplement. We are hoping that there will be more nutraceuticals she can take to help more. The current plan is certainly helping. ADHD is a terrible disorder too:( We have discovered more holes in her walls - one of them all the way to the outside. My husband was not happy with all of the repairs that he will need to make to that room. I deep cleaned every corner of her room last week and took out all of the objects she was using to make the holes. She still sneaks them in there but I will just have to keep on top of it.
Ball 5: My Back
I really hurt my back again. It seems to have been around the time I helped at camp but I can't think of any specific incident that would have hurt it again (that probably answers if I will help at camp again if asked). The pain was getting pretty bad again and I absolutely cannot even bear to think about the pain getting back to the level it was at in July 2010 when I was first diagnosed with the herniated disk and started traction...6 weeks before JJ came. I look back to that time and shudder. In the past 5 years I have regularly gone to the chiropractor and continued traction - but it has not been nearly as regular. I will make sure I get back into a routine. I have had traction and an adjustment twice in the past 4 weeks - once being yesterday when the pain was down my leg and I struggled walking. I am MUCH better today. I have learned over the years what things I cannot do (NEVER sit on a floor, not sit in recliners, no walking inclines, no jumping, not sit with my legs out in front of me, etc). Ironically those things hurt me far, far worse than carrying our now 45 lb 4 year old. Odd. Thankfully JJ rarely wants to be carried anymore - yay!! So, I am just dealing with pain and trying to be very careful:)
Ball 6: JJ
This one is a little happier and I will end on this note:) JJ is doing great! He still has his temper tantrums that are crazy. They are not as frequent. He is eating well. Talking better - the SPL is very, very pleased with his progress. I keep thinking that he is quite understandable compared to 6 months ago, but we have had the opportunity to be around a variety of people lately and most of the time they do not understand him. So...progress but still a long way to go:)
The music therapy has been, I think, a key part to his improvement. That is common with kids with Apraxia. He still hangs back and won't engage much with the other kids and sits on me rather than in the group. I have taken Faith with twice and she got him to engage so will keep doing that and try to back out a bit. He needs the social interaction.
An aside - I have thought a lot about this, but will only briefly mention here, how much being in the music therapy class with all of those other kids with speech/language issues - has helped me to see JJ's issues more clearly. One of those issues is that those other kids have speech issues but do not have the severe separation anxiety that JJ has. I have thought a lot that his anxiety was due to people not understanding him so he looks to me a lot to answer for him (or he can't "retrieve" the word to say). But he just plan and simple has severe anxiety around strangers. Immobilizes him. Praise the Lord we home school him and he doesn't have to go to a situation every day that terrifies him! He really relaxes with the music too:)
The biggest blessing (and frustration to be utterly honest) is sleep. Sleep has always been such a problem for him and with all of the Apraxia symptoms we didn't know how sleep fit. Well, it must have been all related because now that his brain is finally "waking up" and he is improving so quickly...sleep is most definitely being affected too. So, that means that he is now waking between 6 and 8 a.m. most days of the week. The other days it is closer to 8 - 10, but most days it is early. However, this does NOT mean that he goes to sleep any earlier. Thus, I get 5 - 6 hours of sleep:( AND, for some reason he is waking more in the night which means that while we had a 3 week period in May/June that he slept in his own bed ALL NIGHT (Oh, what sweet restorative sleep that was for me!!) he is now up and in our bed often by 2:30 a.m. If I actually get out of bed and take him back to his bed he is back by 5.
The up side is that he is eating earlier in the day without being nauseated! yay!
Clearly his brain is waking up and he is making awesome neurological connections! yay!
When we have to wake up early for something (church or therapy) he isn't sick any more (well, actually, he usually is up on his own way before that now and doesn't have to be woke up). But still, yay!!!
When he fell asleep in the car on the way to therapy this week (he woke up at 6 a.m. after sleeping less than 6 hours) and I had to wake him up...listen to me be giddy here...HE WOKE UP AND DID WELL!!!!!. If you remember back to session 3 and my description of him falling asleep before we got there and his typical reaction of being woke up you may understand how happy this makes me. I cannot even go on enough about what a major, major development this is for him. Ecstatic I am! I can practically see his little neurons joining, making memories, and learning lol!
The down side is that I am not getting good sleep. But, that is certainly not a new development in the past 5 years lol! Once I am woke up at night I cannot fall asleep for all of the "to do" lists and "what are we going to do about that" discussions that run through my brain.
So, that is that. We have been eating subway, pizza, PB&J (actually, i never made PB&J for my kids but somehow Superman discovered at camp that he loves it so has been begging for it lol!), and whatever can be thrown together. I really need to do some better meal planning but I just can't wrap my head around it. I have a roast in for supper tonight - that will be helpful.
I am hoping against hope that I can get a nap while the 4 watch a movie without causing chaos this afternoon. Hopefully I can sleep and not be worried about what they are doing...
Superman has finished his undefeated baseball season!!!!! We have the tournament this Saturday and Sunday...in the 90 degree weather;) It will be great lol!
Thursday, July 9, 2015
Sunday, June 7, 2015
My Current Crazy Life
Uggg, so much!
My mother in law is in the hospital again. She was in for 5 days with pneumonia, then got out for 3 days, and is back in with a blocked/kinked small intestine. She is in a hospital 90 minutes away this time. Due to the diabetes, dementia, and sun downers her treatment is very complicated. She is non-compliant. She is delusional. It is sad. My husband wants to be there with her, but she doesn't know who he is (thinks he is her husband) and that is making her very agitated and it does not help. It is hard to know how to proceed. We are just agreeing to what the specialists say at this point. Her veins keep collapsing so they are putting in a picc line right now. Hopefully she will not pull that tube out too...
So, in addition to that craziness, I had agreed 2 months ago to be the camp Psychologist for Royal Family Kids Camp this week. That means that my husband won't get the support from me that he needs this week, and I won't be home to help with kids like he is used to W - F. We got last minute approval that 2 of our kids get to go to Royal Family Kids Camp, a HUGE blessing, and that should help his stress level.
I am stressed about camp. My idea of being outside is to go hiking for a short period of time, or opening the windows of the house lol! I am also known, as I have told you before, as the "fun sucker." So "camp" well, the idea of it just stretches me beyond any area of comfort. But, I am excited to teach the counselors/staff about TBRI and how to work with these kiddos differently so I am doing it.
Grace did tolerable for 3 weeks! And the past 4 days she is dysregulating again. I am SOOO glad she is going to camp this week... Even before she was 2 we noticed the cyclical nature of her dysregulation. I have not found her symptoms to be consistent with bipolar disorder, but we are about ready to try anything... It is extremely hard to live with her. I feel terrible for the trauma the other kids go through. Beautiful is ready to be away from it (in all honesty, we all are). Very ready. That breaks my heart.
Right now she is screaming at me such vile and venomous things as she has been put in her bedroom until she calms. She argues about EVERYTHING. She threatens. She is exasperating and exhausting. We really need prayer for her to be healed and for us to be able to endure her/enjoy her. There are no words to explain how difficult things are with her. She can be so precious, and in public she never displays the full extent of her venom. But then...
JJ is doing AWESOME! He loved music therapy last week! He clung to me and did engage as long as I was right there. He actually yelled out his name right away when they were doing introductions!!!! He is doing so much better with talking. In fact, we have had to laugh several times in the past 2 weeks as we have, for the first time, wished that he DIDN'T talk lol!
My husband and I took Beautiful (and JJ) to her wedding dress fitting and then to Red Lobster for lunch. JJ loudly announced his need to use the restroom (not in those nice words) and has done so several times in other public venues (like church). We try to keep our mortification to a minimum and just be pleased he is speaking his mind, but sheeesh! Aside from that we had such a precious and sweet time with Beautiful. 61 more days and she will be married and gone. I try not to think about it...
There was a car accident next to our house this week and I was getting everyone ready to go to the pool. JJ went outside and went right up to the police office and talked to him (while the guy was trying to do the police report...). We have never taught him to beware of strangers as he is scared of everyone, so when I talked with him afterwards about that he just kept asking "why" he shouldn't go up to strangers and talk to them. He has been priding himself on waving at everyone on our walks and says every time, "Mom! I waved at someone!" It was hard to figure out how to tell a kid who has been terrified of strangers, to be afraid of strangers now that he is getting more bold. I am still not really sure how to address it that won't put him back into his shell.
JJ loves to move his body to music and get really wild. Last night we went to a dance and he danced for hours. It was so fun to see him be that free with strangers!!
He is also getting amazing with articulation and word retrieval! I am shocked with the words that he is able to retrieve. For example, twice in the past week I asked him what a bunch of colors were...and he retrieved the words spontaneously and correctly! Praise God!
With this new found vocabulary explosion (again, he had it receptively, now it is expressive) is also some serious independence asserting itself. He sees Grace rebel against us 24/7 with words and actions and he emulates her. He spews the same words at us. He is too smart and thinks up things to push limits, some of which Grace never even thought of. Sigh...
For example, as I was typing this Faith came running in and told me that JJ was stuck up in a tree. I went to him and asked him why he was in the tree, he said he was chasing a snake and got stuck and was scared (impressive word usage!). But, when I firmly reminded him that it was good he was scared as he was not to climb a tree as he could fall down and get hurt he said, "why Grace climb it?!?!" I reminded him, again, that Grace is also not supposed to climb the tree. He doesn't understand why he isn't allowed to do what he sees his 5 siblings do, whether their behavior is due to them being older...or due to their rebellion.
Wedding announcements went out! That really makes it real... The guest list was my most stressful part of this process (thus far). We have so many people on the list that our church will not hold them all. It was hard to figure that part out hoping not to offend people. But, it is figured out to the best that we could and we will just trust God with the rest:)
Well, I am off to try to enjoy my last night of rest before the next 5 days of chaos. I look around and think I should get the bathrooms cleaned, the laundry put away, etc before I am gone. But then I think...naaaaa.... I will just hunker down with the kiddos and my husband instead;)
My mother in law is in the hospital again. She was in for 5 days with pneumonia, then got out for 3 days, and is back in with a blocked/kinked small intestine. She is in a hospital 90 minutes away this time. Due to the diabetes, dementia, and sun downers her treatment is very complicated. She is non-compliant. She is delusional. It is sad. My husband wants to be there with her, but she doesn't know who he is (thinks he is her husband) and that is making her very agitated and it does not help. It is hard to know how to proceed. We are just agreeing to what the specialists say at this point. Her veins keep collapsing so they are putting in a picc line right now. Hopefully she will not pull that tube out too...
So, in addition to that craziness, I had agreed 2 months ago to be the camp Psychologist for Royal Family Kids Camp this week. That means that my husband won't get the support from me that he needs this week, and I won't be home to help with kids like he is used to W - F. We got last minute approval that 2 of our kids get to go to Royal Family Kids Camp, a HUGE blessing, and that should help his stress level.
I am stressed about camp. My idea of being outside is to go hiking for a short period of time, or opening the windows of the house lol! I am also known, as I have told you before, as the "fun sucker." So "camp" well, the idea of it just stretches me beyond any area of comfort. But, I am excited to teach the counselors/staff about TBRI and how to work with these kiddos differently so I am doing it.
Grace did tolerable for 3 weeks! And the past 4 days she is dysregulating again. I am SOOO glad she is going to camp this week... Even before she was 2 we noticed the cyclical nature of her dysregulation. I have not found her symptoms to be consistent with bipolar disorder, but we are about ready to try anything... It is extremely hard to live with her. I feel terrible for the trauma the other kids go through. Beautiful is ready to be away from it (in all honesty, we all are). Very ready. That breaks my heart.
Right now she is screaming at me such vile and venomous things as she has been put in her bedroom until she calms. She argues about EVERYTHING. She threatens. She is exasperating and exhausting. We really need prayer for her to be healed and for us to be able to endure her/enjoy her. There are no words to explain how difficult things are with her. She can be so precious, and in public she never displays the full extent of her venom. But then...
JJ is doing AWESOME! He loved music therapy last week! He clung to me and did engage as long as I was right there. He actually yelled out his name right away when they were doing introductions!!!! He is doing so much better with talking. In fact, we have had to laugh several times in the past 2 weeks as we have, for the first time, wished that he DIDN'T talk lol!
My husband and I took Beautiful (and JJ) to her wedding dress fitting and then to Red Lobster for lunch. JJ loudly announced his need to use the restroom (not in those nice words) and has done so several times in other public venues (like church). We try to keep our mortification to a minimum and just be pleased he is speaking his mind, but sheeesh! Aside from that we had such a precious and sweet time with Beautiful. 61 more days and she will be married and gone. I try not to think about it...
There was a car accident next to our house this week and I was getting everyone ready to go to the pool. JJ went outside and went right up to the police office and talked to him (while the guy was trying to do the police report...). We have never taught him to beware of strangers as he is scared of everyone, so when I talked with him afterwards about that he just kept asking "why" he shouldn't go up to strangers and talk to them. He has been priding himself on waving at everyone on our walks and says every time, "Mom! I waved at someone!" It was hard to figure out how to tell a kid who has been terrified of strangers, to be afraid of strangers now that he is getting more bold. I am still not really sure how to address it that won't put him back into his shell.
JJ loves to move his body to music and get really wild. Last night we went to a dance and he danced for hours. It was so fun to see him be that free with strangers!!
He is also getting amazing with articulation and word retrieval! I am shocked with the words that he is able to retrieve. For example, twice in the past week I asked him what a bunch of colors were...and he retrieved the words spontaneously and correctly! Praise God!
With this new found vocabulary explosion (again, he had it receptively, now it is expressive) is also some serious independence asserting itself. He sees Grace rebel against us 24/7 with words and actions and he emulates her. He spews the same words at us. He is too smart and thinks up things to push limits, some of which Grace never even thought of. Sigh...
For example, as I was typing this Faith came running in and told me that JJ was stuck up in a tree. I went to him and asked him why he was in the tree, he said he was chasing a snake and got stuck and was scared (impressive word usage!). But, when I firmly reminded him that it was good he was scared as he was not to climb a tree as he could fall down and get hurt he said, "why Grace climb it?!?!" I reminded him, again, that Grace is also not supposed to climb the tree. He doesn't understand why he isn't allowed to do what he sees his 5 siblings do, whether their behavior is due to them being older...or due to their rebellion.
Wedding announcements went out! That really makes it real... The guest list was my most stressful part of this process (thus far). We have so many people on the list that our church will not hold them all. It was hard to figure that part out hoping not to offend people. But, it is figured out to the best that we could and we will just trust God with the rest:)
Well, I am off to try to enjoy my last night of rest before the next 5 days of chaos. I look around and think I should get the bathrooms cleaned, the laundry put away, etc before I am gone. But then I think...naaaaa.... I will just hunker down with the kiddos and my husband instead;)
Wednesday, May 27, 2015
It has been a good week!! and a kid update.
Yes! An entire week has gone well! I am not sure I can remember when the last time that was. THANK YOU to everyone who has prayed for us. Obviously it has made an impact.
Grace has had a week that has gone as well as we could ever reasonably expect. I have been very pleasantly surprised that we have had no major issues (of course the...less than major ones continue). We need your continued prayer for how to parent her and make future decisions. I don't to go into too many public details about what we have been dealing with, but please know that it has been extremely difficult and this past week has been a relief.
We have decided that we need more help with her. We are seeking people who are willing to meet with her regularly to just be a friend/mentor, offer us respite, and babysit. We had to be gone today and we knew it was too much to expect Buddy to deal with all 4 of the younger ones, so we sought out a babysitter for Grace. It worked better for everyone involved (we gave the babysitter some time to think through whether she is willing to do it again...but we sure hope so!!) I think that it is an option that we need to continue to use regularly, especially with Beautiful moving away...
We took Beautiful to New Student Registration today! Another step in "letting go." I only teared up once. Her class schedule is pretty good, I think. Pretty much she has class from 10 - 3 with two 9 a.m. days of the week. We hope it is only going to be 13.5 credits. I got to see the outside of the house they are moving into. I am excited for getting into the house and getting it set up for them. I will miss her so much...
Yesterday we got her signed up for her online math class. Now to figure out how to navigate that system (it is a different college and thus a different platform to learn). Ai yi yi!!!
JJ is doing GREAT! Remember when I have talked about how we have to carry him as he gets so fatigued? He hasn't asked us to carry him in weeks - maybe longer (unless we wake him up, he really REALLY hates to be woken up and he isn't able to walk well right away). Sunday night he RODE HIS BIKE for TWO MILES!!!!!!!!! Yes! Two miles!!!!!!!! Last night he didn't quite have the endurance but he rode his bike/walked for 1 1/2 miles!!!! My husband and I used to walk/ride bikes with Beautiful and Buddy all of the time when they were young. We have a 2 mile loop we always walk and they did it with us. That all stopped when the Middles came as it was much more like an exercise in walking headless chickens. But now we are back to trying to get them walking and they did great:)
It was so much fun and very delightful to just listen to him on the walks. The SLP has repeatedly told us that his constant movement is a way that helps him to retrieve language. It is activating the motor cortex so that he can speak/retrieve better. Wow. He talked NON-STOP on the walks. He kept up the cutest commentary the whole time. I was so tickled! It was like listening to Grace, whatever thought was in his head was coming out of his mouth lol! It sounded something like this:
"There is a stick. I rode over the bump. I smell the grass. There is a ribbit (frog). Is that Mike's? Oh! I have to go around that stick. I see a dog. Oh my legs need a rest. Why do I have to ride on the side? (so you don't get hit by a car) but you are in the middle? (to keep you from getting hit by the car lol!). I don't want to fall in the hole (the sewer holes)." It was so precious! He is doing this more and more but it was so pronounced while he was doing this activity.
The other day Superman was putting his clothes away and JJ decided that he wanted his clothes to be kept in the drawers under his bed rather than in his dresser in my bedroom. So, he kept up a monologue while he was carrying clothes back and forth and got them all situated.
He is getting so much more self-sufficient. He is using the restroom by himself, goes outside by himself, dresses himself, gets his own popsicles, etc. About the only two things that he really still insists on us with are feeding him (it is just too much to finish an entire meal when he has to not only do the fine motor skills of getting the food to his mouth but the intricate work that we usually don't think about of chewing and swallowing) and putting himself to sleep. He is fully in 5T pants now! I just can't believe how much he has grown in 5 months! How much stronger he is! How much more confident he is!
He likes to kick the soccer ball around and actually has pretty good aim, etc. Last night while we were doing that he informed me that he wanted to play soccer on a team!!!! When I informed him that the Middles were too old to be on his team and he would have to do be on one without kids that he knew he said, "but you will come and watch me?" I said, "Of course I will." He said, "OK, then you will be there in case I get hurt." and just went on with the game. The kid who won't even let us leave him in Sunday School or Nursery wants to play soccer! Now, when it actually comes time to be without us, who knows what will happen. But he is at least considering it!!! Separation Anxiety seems to be improving somewhat too!!!
We were at a graduation in a building full of strangers a few weeks ago. He had no siblings around him, yet he WALKED TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ROOM BY HIMSELF to grab some food! I couldn't believe it! He had to weave in and out of people to do it and he did it! Yes sir, he is improving!
Monday he walked over to talk to the neighbor. The neighbor has had a special friendship with each of our kids but JJ has appreciated him more from afar. JJ actually walked over there (again, with no siblings around!) to have a conversation with him. AND, the neighbor was actually able to understand every response that JJ gave him! Yay!!
We have been singing nursery rhymes and playing London Bridges. He gets such a kick out of it lol! He is singing along with us (obviously he doesn't do it well, but he is trying!) and asks for London Bridges.
Another odd thing about JJ is that he has hated and refused to be read to. He is now letting us (and sometimes even insisting himself) that we read 2 books at bedtime. He is doing better with scissors. He has such and incredibly looooong way to go with writing. We got him a dry erase board with a fine pen and the board is lined to write letters one. He makes the tiniest little chicken scratches and is not willing to let us direct him. So, we will just be happy with all of the other gains and let that one go. That has been hard for me as by the time Buddy was this age he knew all of his letters and was actively reading. But...they are very different kids...
OK, I am just going on and on now.
Oh, I have SLEPT this week! Praise the Lord I have slept! AND, I only had one headache (it was Monday night, it was very, very painful, but it was only about 5 hours and Tylenol did actually relieve it (and a dark quiet room). I tell you I feel like a new woman! I am getting so much more done around the house. Big projects! What a difference a non-sleep addled mind makes for motivation lol! JJ has been sleeping in his own bed for a week and that makes such a difference to not have the little guy climbing in with us at 5 or 6 a.m. He does this periodically - going about a week or so of staying in his own bed. Then something happens. Last summer was terrible due to chiggers. JJ attracts them in huge numbers and then is up 1/2 the night begging ,"scratch them Mommy!!!" I will be making up some EO bug repellent this year to see if it works:)
Last time I made comment about him wetting our bed and us being happy that meant he was drinking enough. Oddly enough, he has stayed totally dry (not wetting his pull up much less his/our bed). That actually has me concerned as I am having trouble getting him to drink. I try to bribe him with smoothies and popsicles but mostly he just wants 2 glasses of milk at bedtime and doesn't drink the rest of the day. Sigh... He is one stubborn little fella...but we sure do adore him!!!
OK, enough of how well things are going. Off to watch Superman play baseball! I love watching him play! His team is doing great:)
Grace has had a week that has gone as well as we could ever reasonably expect. I have been very pleasantly surprised that we have had no major issues (of course the...less than major ones continue). We need your continued prayer for how to parent her and make future decisions. I don't to go into too many public details about what we have been dealing with, but please know that it has been extremely difficult and this past week has been a relief.
We have decided that we need more help with her. We are seeking people who are willing to meet with her regularly to just be a friend/mentor, offer us respite, and babysit. We had to be gone today and we knew it was too much to expect Buddy to deal with all 4 of the younger ones, so we sought out a babysitter for Grace. It worked better for everyone involved (we gave the babysitter some time to think through whether she is willing to do it again...but we sure hope so!!) I think that it is an option that we need to continue to use regularly, especially with Beautiful moving away...
We took Beautiful to New Student Registration today! Another step in "letting go." I only teared up once. Her class schedule is pretty good, I think. Pretty much she has class from 10 - 3 with two 9 a.m. days of the week. We hope it is only going to be 13.5 credits. I got to see the outside of the house they are moving into. I am excited for getting into the house and getting it set up for them. I will miss her so much...
Yesterday we got her signed up for her online math class. Now to figure out how to navigate that system (it is a different college and thus a different platform to learn). Ai yi yi!!!
JJ is doing GREAT! Remember when I have talked about how we have to carry him as he gets so fatigued? He hasn't asked us to carry him in weeks - maybe longer (unless we wake him up, he really REALLY hates to be woken up and he isn't able to walk well right away). Sunday night he RODE HIS BIKE for TWO MILES!!!!!!!!! Yes! Two miles!!!!!!!! Last night he didn't quite have the endurance but he rode his bike/walked for 1 1/2 miles!!!! My husband and I used to walk/ride bikes with Beautiful and Buddy all of the time when they were young. We have a 2 mile loop we always walk and they did it with us. That all stopped when the Middles came as it was much more like an exercise in walking headless chickens. But now we are back to trying to get them walking and they did great:)
It was so much fun and very delightful to just listen to him on the walks. The SLP has repeatedly told us that his constant movement is a way that helps him to retrieve language. It is activating the motor cortex so that he can speak/retrieve better. Wow. He talked NON-STOP on the walks. He kept up the cutest commentary the whole time. I was so tickled! It was like listening to Grace, whatever thought was in his head was coming out of his mouth lol! It sounded something like this:
"There is a stick. I rode over the bump. I smell the grass. There is a ribbit (frog). Is that Mike's? Oh! I have to go around that stick. I see a dog. Oh my legs need a rest. Why do I have to ride on the side? (so you don't get hit by a car) but you are in the middle? (to keep you from getting hit by the car lol!). I don't want to fall in the hole (the sewer holes)." It was so precious! He is doing this more and more but it was so pronounced while he was doing this activity.
The other day Superman was putting his clothes away and JJ decided that he wanted his clothes to be kept in the drawers under his bed rather than in his dresser in my bedroom. So, he kept up a monologue while he was carrying clothes back and forth and got them all situated.
He is getting so much more self-sufficient. He is using the restroom by himself, goes outside by himself, dresses himself, gets his own popsicles, etc. About the only two things that he really still insists on us with are feeding him (it is just too much to finish an entire meal when he has to not only do the fine motor skills of getting the food to his mouth but the intricate work that we usually don't think about of chewing and swallowing) and putting himself to sleep. He is fully in 5T pants now! I just can't believe how much he has grown in 5 months! How much stronger he is! How much more confident he is!
He likes to kick the soccer ball around and actually has pretty good aim, etc. Last night while we were doing that he informed me that he wanted to play soccer on a team!!!! When I informed him that the Middles were too old to be on his team and he would have to do be on one without kids that he knew he said, "but you will come and watch me?" I said, "Of course I will." He said, "OK, then you will be there in case I get hurt." and just went on with the game. The kid who won't even let us leave him in Sunday School or Nursery wants to play soccer! Now, when it actually comes time to be without us, who knows what will happen. But he is at least considering it!!! Separation Anxiety seems to be improving somewhat too!!!
We were at a graduation in a building full of strangers a few weeks ago. He had no siblings around him, yet he WALKED TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ROOM BY HIMSELF to grab some food! I couldn't believe it! He had to weave in and out of people to do it and he did it! Yes sir, he is improving!
Monday he walked over to talk to the neighbor. The neighbor has had a special friendship with each of our kids but JJ has appreciated him more from afar. JJ actually walked over there (again, with no siblings around!) to have a conversation with him. AND, the neighbor was actually able to understand every response that JJ gave him! Yay!!
We have been singing nursery rhymes and playing London Bridges. He gets such a kick out of it lol! He is singing along with us (obviously he doesn't do it well, but he is trying!) and asks for London Bridges.
Another odd thing about JJ is that he has hated and refused to be read to. He is now letting us (and sometimes even insisting himself) that we read 2 books at bedtime. He is doing better with scissors. He has such and incredibly looooong way to go with writing. We got him a dry erase board with a fine pen and the board is lined to write letters one. He makes the tiniest little chicken scratches and is not willing to let us direct him. So, we will just be happy with all of the other gains and let that one go. That has been hard for me as by the time Buddy was this age he knew all of his letters and was actively reading. But...they are very different kids...
OK, I am just going on and on now.
Oh, I have SLEPT this week! Praise the Lord I have slept! AND, I only had one headache (it was Monday night, it was very, very painful, but it was only about 5 hours and Tylenol did actually relieve it (and a dark quiet room). I tell you I feel like a new woman! I am getting so much more done around the house. Big projects! What a difference a non-sleep addled mind makes for motivation lol! JJ has been sleeping in his own bed for a week and that makes such a difference to not have the little guy climbing in with us at 5 or 6 a.m. He does this periodically - going about a week or so of staying in his own bed. Then something happens. Last summer was terrible due to chiggers. JJ attracts them in huge numbers and then is up 1/2 the night begging ,"scratch them Mommy!!!" I will be making up some EO bug repellent this year to see if it works:)
Last time I made comment about him wetting our bed and us being happy that meant he was drinking enough. Oddly enough, he has stayed totally dry (not wetting his pull up much less his/our bed). That actually has me concerned as I am having trouble getting him to drink. I try to bribe him with smoothies and popsicles but mostly he just wants 2 glasses of milk at bedtime and doesn't drink the rest of the day. Sigh... He is one stubborn little fella...but we sure do adore him!!!
OK, enough of how well things are going. Off to watch Superman play baseball! I love watching him play! His team is doing great:)
Friday, May 22, 2015
Allergies, Headaches, Sleep...and a good 2 days: a mish mash of topics:)
Springtime is a glorious time of year with leaves budding, grass turning green, flocks blooming...and lilacs blooming. I love lilacs. LOVE the smell of lilacs. I do not think that there is a better aroma than lilacs. Our driveway is lined with lilac bushes. May is my favorite month as I get to smell them anytime I want. But...I have several family members who remind me every day that "those lilacs" are making them miserable. We don't get to enjoy open windows in the spring and fall due to our kiddos with intense inhalant allergies, but that is life:) Poor Buddy. Two years ago we went to Branson in May and he was MISERABLE. Last March/April we went to Disney World and Epcot Center had their garden/floral/whatever it was called gala and Buddy was MISERABLE. This year his face and eyes are swelled up and he is exhausted as he can't sleep. JJ is the next worse. Beautiful, Grace, and my husband are the next in line for how bad it is. Superman, Faith and I don't really have any trouble. That is surprising considering all of the years that Faith was on a nebulizer due to how bad she would get. All of the affected kids are sleeping more restlessly and therefore longer in the morning. Even Grace slept until NINE O'CLOCK this morning!!!!!! I am dosing them all up with allergy meds, essential oils, etc but so far they are still all pretty miserable.
So, that means JJ is sleeping less well. He coughs all of the time. It increasingly takes him until after midnight to fall asleep. He gets fitful sleep which means he wakes later than he used to. The last two days he didn't get up until 11:30! Which only worsens the bedtime cycle. But, that is just the way it is.
He usually crawls in bed with us sometime in the too early hours. Yesterday it was 5, today it was 6. He also usually wets our bed as he then sleeps so long. However, we are not upset about that. Back when Beautiful was a newborn she got the hang of nursing for a couple of days and then didn't eat but once a day for 3 days. It was a long weekend and we were not sure what to do. That Monday a Le Leche League woman came over in a blinding snowstorm and helped us out. When her digestive system finally started to work since she was then eating we were thrilled! No matter how many diapers that child blew out (she was our blow out child - sorry to embarrass you dear;) we always maintained the perspective that a blown out diaper was far better than those horrible 3 days that we could not get her to nurse and therefore she wasn't wetting.
The same has gone for JJ. We have fought for SO LONG to get him to consume liquids. We tried so many formulas to try to get him to keep down. Then me going through the process of nursing him, and the generous women who wet nursed him and donated breast milk during that process just so he would actually keep nutrition him. Once that all got sorted out and he actually kept liquids down, then we had the issues that he didn't want to drink very often. Now we understand that it was due to the Apraxia and the swallowing issues, but getting liquid in him has been difficult. He does NOT like water, does not prefer juice, and pretty much only wants milk (we drink raw milk). He has discovered that he likes smoothies though, so I make him one+ with frozen fruit every day to increase his "liquid" intake. With him waking so late and not wanting to eat/drink until early afternoon that leads to him doing most of his drinking at night after he body/brain has "woke up." That leads to wet beds most mornings. Which, of course, usually means our bed;) But...we never complain. A wet bed means that he is drinking enough!!! Yay!!!!
But, him in our bed means that my sleep is disrupted. No new news there. However, I have discovered that lack of sleep is one of my biggest triggers for my migraines. I typically get 6 hours of interrupted sleep at night. I have pretty much had a migraine this entire month. Before that I think I had a little over a week free of one. They are much more frequent now and last for weeks now. The stress we are under right now is over the top of normal. That affects my sleep and is another trigger for my headaches. I am so tired during the days that by early afternoon I am useless. My 12 and 14 hour work days now require me to drink two organic energy drinks whereas before I could easily only about 1/2 of the time have to drink 1. I am just plain exhausted. Once I am woke in the morning, there is really no good sleep left in the night for me. To prepare for my Monday and Tuesday work schedule I now always have to take a nap on Sunday afternoons. I keep the Sunday schedule completely cleared after church as I know I cannot "do" anything and still work on Monday and Tuesday.
Kid issues have been overwhelming. A couple of weekends ago it was the worse 2 days we have ever had. It was followed by a Sunday that when surprisingly (and confusedly) well. Then we had a couple of ok days, then several bad days, and so the cycle continues.
Right now we happen to be on day two of an ok cycle. Tuesday was Grace's last day of school. I had two days of exhausted loooong work days. Wednesday she did not do well, I expected it with the change in her routine, but that doesn't make it easier when it happens.
Wednesday I took JJ to speech therapy. He did pretty well. He was extremely energetic. However, he is clearly remembering at least the tune and some of the words of the songs she sings with him, and the nursery rhymes we are working on at home (singing them). He can sort and match like a whiz. She is working on not just speech with him now but language. He shocked me with the things he understood.
Wednesday night my husband informed me that he wanted to go fishing with Buddy on Thursday (Superman had a baseball game so it would have been too much for him to get up early and do that). I panicked. With Beautiful at work all day and my husband and Buddy gone I did not know how I was going to get through Thursday with the 4 kids by myself. Things have been so incredibly...bad.
So, when my husband got up to leave at 7:30 on Thursday...I burrowed my head back under 2 pillows, knew JJ was in the bed with me and couldn't get hurt or woke by the Middles (who were still sleeping at that time), and went back to sleep.
It was glorious! Not only did I fall back asleep until 9, but...the Middles actually occupied themselves without...drama...until I woke up!
AND...I actually had enough energy to be productive ALL DAY! Yay! I got tons of cleaning/organizing done! The kids were even as cooperative as I can ever realistically expect!!! I had one incident with Grace after lunch that I thought was "it." But...the interventions actually worked that time and the rest of the day went well:)
Then, last night I was so exhausted after a day of cleaning since I actually had enough energy to do so that at 10:00 (YES!!! TEN O'CLOCK!!! I NEVER get to bed before 12-1 a.m.) I informed my husband I was going to bed and he could put JJ to bed. I slept until 6 this morning!! EIGHT HOURS of uninterrupted sleep!!!!! I do not even know when the last time was that happened! At 6 JJ came in the bedroom saying "I'm wet!" He wet his own bed that time;) So I cleaned him up and put him in our bed, but couldn't fall back asleep so just got up to do my time on the treadmill (When I wake in the morning and know I can't sleep anymore I get on the treadmill. I do an hour 4 - 5 days a week).
Two days of good sleep! And two days of NO HEADACHE!!! And two days of Grace being...as calm/cooperative as we can expect her to be! I have to note this as I know it doesn't have often, and it won't happen for long, but I have great, greatly enjoyed these 2 days:)
I just re-read this and noted all of my exclamation marks and capital letters. I sound a little giddy. Heck, I am a little giddy! Two good days! Wow!
I want to thank those of you who have prayed for us since I posted Wednesday. It really has been better these 2 days:)
Wednesday, May 20, 2015
Grace Update
Ok, I have tried to write this many times. Each time I try to be real but also realistic but I end up in a long diatribe. So, I will leave it at this.
Things are horrible.
We need prayer. I don't know what we need. We vulnerably opened up to some people recently who listened authentically to our hearts and gave very helpful advice. It was such.a.relief. That gave me the courage to be honest here. We need your prayer. Something has to change...soon.
Things are horrible.
We need prayer. I don't know what we need. We vulnerably opened up to some people recently who listened authentically to our hearts and gave very helpful advice. It was such.a.relief. That gave me the courage to be honest here. We need your prayer. Something has to change...soon.
Thursday, May 14, 2015
Apraxia Awareness Day! Session 13
Today is Apraxia Awareness Day! It is an important day as many people do not understand Apraxia, and even more have never heard of it. I had heard the name before JJ was diagnosed and knew it had to do with speech issues, but had no idea what it all entailed.
This weekend we found out about 2 more children within our wide extended circle who have Apraxia and are very young. I really enjoyed talking to the one mother at a graduation for a long time and comparing the symptoms and issues. I look forward to making connection with the other mom soon as well.
This week's therapy session:
His SLP was ecstatic that JJ was able to trace an outline of a fish AND then cut it out properly using a scissors!
He was able to match pictures of faces with different emotions - AND label them!! (retrieval)
He spontaneously sang for her! (intonation and retrieval)
He is learning the new songs and she does some "melodic intonation" work with him, and we are to continue that at home. It teaches him to anticipate the next word, work on naming body parts (he knows them receptively, but this is an expressive/retrieval exercise).
He is able to make the /f/ sound (a blessing!!!!), but is very inconsistent with it. We are to be working on making that more consistent...while not making him feel like we are hounding him and thus shaming him with the constant reminder that he is not speaking "right." Not an easy task.
He seems to be getting more comfortable in therapy over the past 4 months (FINALLY!). He does not hide behind me or under my legs as often and is staying on task longer at a time. Thus, the sessions involved a great percentage of actual "therapy" and not just trying to get him to feel safe with her.
Last night Superman had his first baseball game. JJ felt very safe and comfortable to be playing on the playground equipment right near where we were sitting (he had Grace and Faith with him). He even let a total strange girl HOLD HIS HAND! Now, granted that was not something we were really thrilled with...but to get that comfortable with a stranger so quickly was a first!
He continues to have full out bodily temper tantrums 1 - 2 times a day but we are understanding more of what triggers them. Obviously the word "no" is a big trigger, but when we analyze it, it is more about us having interrupted his routine/expectation. For example, when we got home from therapy yesterday it was the exact time that the school van was in the driveway dropping off Superman and our friends who take/bring Grace to school were right behind me. I had 10 minutes before I had to get to work so I just parked on the street. Grace had run to the van driver to get a hug from her (since she doesn't ride the van anymore and insists on hugging everyone in a 5 mile radius) so the van wasn't getting out of the driveway yet I had to transition to get to work and thought parking there was not a big deal. JJ WOULD NOT get out of the car. He would not even let me unbuckle him. I wouldn't have cared if I was in the driveway, but being on the street I couldn't just leave him to run to the house as he could have then gotten out of the car and got run over. So, I finally had to ask my husband to come and help me muscle JJ out of his car seat and get him into the house. The whole time he was yelling (and flailing) that he wanted to be in the driveway. He has his set routines/expectations for how things are to go and is pretty rigid about them. He is NOT on the Autism Spectrum...but he certainly wants things to be a certain way. Most of the issues we don't even realize until something unexpected like this comes up. It makes us be much more aware of the importance of routine and structure for him. Of course, he also has a tantrum when we tell him "no, you can't have a second can of pop" (at a graduation) or "no we are not buying a bag of chips at the concession stand." Those issues can be addressed by us anticipating and discussing it ahead of time with him...but it is sure exhausting to try to anticipate all of his expectations lol!
He also gets really worked up with Grace is screaming at us. He gets pretty hysterical and overstimulated and will start to also yell at us and get physically aggressive. But...that is for another post on Grace that I have been mulling over. Things have been very bad on that front...
This weekend we found out about 2 more children within our wide extended circle who have Apraxia and are very young. I really enjoyed talking to the one mother at a graduation for a long time and comparing the symptoms and issues. I look forward to making connection with the other mom soon as well.
This week's therapy session:
His SLP was ecstatic that JJ was able to trace an outline of a fish AND then cut it out properly using a scissors!
He was able to match pictures of faces with different emotions - AND label them!! (retrieval)
He spontaneously sang for her! (intonation and retrieval)
He is learning the new songs and she does some "melodic intonation" work with him, and we are to continue that at home. It teaches him to anticipate the next word, work on naming body parts (he knows them receptively, but this is an expressive/retrieval exercise).
He is able to make the /f/ sound (a blessing!!!!), but is very inconsistent with it. We are to be working on making that more consistent...while not making him feel like we are hounding him and thus shaming him with the constant reminder that he is not speaking "right." Not an easy task.
He seems to be getting more comfortable in therapy over the past 4 months (FINALLY!). He does not hide behind me or under my legs as often and is staying on task longer at a time. Thus, the sessions involved a great percentage of actual "therapy" and not just trying to get him to feel safe with her.
Last night Superman had his first baseball game. JJ felt very safe and comfortable to be playing on the playground equipment right near where we were sitting (he had Grace and Faith with him). He even let a total strange girl HOLD HIS HAND! Now, granted that was not something we were really thrilled with...but to get that comfortable with a stranger so quickly was a first!
He continues to have full out bodily temper tantrums 1 - 2 times a day but we are understanding more of what triggers them. Obviously the word "no" is a big trigger, but when we analyze it, it is more about us having interrupted his routine/expectation. For example, when we got home from therapy yesterday it was the exact time that the school van was in the driveway dropping off Superman and our friends who take/bring Grace to school were right behind me. I had 10 minutes before I had to get to work so I just parked on the street. Grace had run to the van driver to get a hug from her (since she doesn't ride the van anymore and insists on hugging everyone in a 5 mile radius) so the van wasn't getting out of the driveway yet I had to transition to get to work and thought parking there was not a big deal. JJ WOULD NOT get out of the car. He would not even let me unbuckle him. I wouldn't have cared if I was in the driveway, but being on the street I couldn't just leave him to run to the house as he could have then gotten out of the car and got run over. So, I finally had to ask my husband to come and help me muscle JJ out of his car seat and get him into the house. The whole time he was yelling (and flailing) that he wanted to be in the driveway. He has his set routines/expectations for how things are to go and is pretty rigid about them. He is NOT on the Autism Spectrum...but he certainly wants things to be a certain way. Most of the issues we don't even realize until something unexpected like this comes up. It makes us be much more aware of the importance of routine and structure for him. Of course, he also has a tantrum when we tell him "no, you can't have a second can of pop" (at a graduation) or "no we are not buying a bag of chips at the concession stand." Those issues can be addressed by us anticipating and discussing it ahead of time with him...but it is sure exhausting to try to anticipate all of his expectations lol!
He also gets really worked up with Grace is screaming at us. He gets pretty hysterical and overstimulated and will start to also yell at us and get physically aggressive. But...that is for another post on Grace that I have been mulling over. Things have been very bad on that front...
Friday, May 8, 2015
Graduation Celebration and birthday party!!
Last Saturday we had Beautiful's graduation celebration! It was a delightful time and it went off without any hitches (to my knowledge:) I am so thankful for a friend of ours who helped us with all of the decorating and thinking through the celebration since she has done it twice before. Beautiful and I had shopped a few days before (with our friend), along with doing wedding dress alterations and more shopping for the wedding, etc. We had bought my graduation dress at the first store of the morning and hers at the last store in the late afternoon. When I got home and was putting my dress away it occurred to me that we had both bought royal blue dresses lol! People kept asking us if we had planned it that way. Nope, I just have a bad memory lol!
The day was also Buddy's 15th birthday. We got him his own cake. He had a friend over the night before to go watch the latest Avenger's movie (Buddy is thrilled that his birthday always falls on the opening weekend of some new Marvel movie lol!) Two other friends then played board games with them through the graduation party. It was a far more enjoyable situation for them than to mingle with guests:) I was so thankful for our friend who offered the afternoon activities:)
I was so stressed about the food ahead of time. Would there be enough? Would there be too much if no body came? How to get it all served? We had 4 amazingly wonderful women who willingly very, very competently took over all of the food process. I also reduced my stress by not cooking any of it myself (so thankful for the local grocery store!) The women not only did all of the prep (we had a soccer game that morning so by the time we got back, got the kids showered and everyone dressed it was an hour before the celebration!) but then also did the cleanup. I did not expect that! I was able to just be a hostess, greeting people and getting to talk to everyone. There was the perfect number of people at just the right flow that I felt like I got to have some kind of meaningful conversation with just about everyone. It built my confidence a little for the wedding...but we will be potentially talking about over 300 people instead of just 100;)
The graduation really touched me. Everyone who came to celebrate with us was so wonderful. All of her home school basketball team friends who came was so thoughtful - especially since she didn't even play this year. I was thankful for the warm weather so that we could wheel my mother in law down from and back the nursing home so she could participate too. Thankfully the nursing home is only 6 blocks away:)
Probably the most touching part of the party for me were the 5 women who sacrificed their Saturday to cheerfully, thoughtfully, competently, and lovingly serve our family by doing the decorations and the food. I actually spent quite a bit of time that night thinking over why it touched me so much. I realized that in my life I have not had people who came around me and sacrificially served me. I am more used to people looking for excuses not to be involved, not caring about what I care about, making me feel guilty for asking for help, or making it clear that it is an obligation that they would rather not be a part of. Thus, I have such a hard time asking for help and tend to try to be an island unto myself (which I am being forced off of with current life situations). I was, and our family was totally blessed by these women. I am getting a bit sappy here so I will stop now:)
I did not let myself get too sentimental about this being Beautiful's graduation and that it means she is leaving soon. I figure that getting ready for the wedding and college will keep me occupied enough. However, come the wedding date I know I will be a total wreck. It is one thing to send her off to college when she will still depend on us and be home on weekends. It is another when we will be handing her off to permanently cleave to someone else... Sigh...I am getting emotional and need to stop this. I will miss her so incredibly much. But, we also could not have handed her over to a more worthy man who adores her. All will be well:)
Another good thing came out of the graduation party...Buddy, our hermit child, hates to have his picture taken...or be around crowds of people. When I made the big 4x3 foot collage of photos of Beautiful's life he remarked, "Huh, I guess I will have to start letting Mom take pictures of me or she won't have anything for my collage!" Yay! That means he is at least resigned to having some kind of celebration for his graduation lol!
The day was also Buddy's 15th birthday. We got him his own cake. He had a friend over the night before to go watch the latest Avenger's movie (Buddy is thrilled that his birthday always falls on the opening weekend of some new Marvel movie lol!) Two other friends then played board games with them through the graduation party. It was a far more enjoyable situation for them than to mingle with guests:) I was so thankful for our friend who offered the afternoon activities:)
I was so stressed about the food ahead of time. Would there be enough? Would there be too much if no body came? How to get it all served? We had 4 amazingly wonderful women who willingly very, very competently took over all of the food process. I also reduced my stress by not cooking any of it myself (so thankful for the local grocery store!) The women not only did all of the prep (we had a soccer game that morning so by the time we got back, got the kids showered and everyone dressed it was an hour before the celebration!) but then also did the cleanup. I did not expect that! I was able to just be a hostess, greeting people and getting to talk to everyone. There was the perfect number of people at just the right flow that I felt like I got to have some kind of meaningful conversation with just about everyone. It built my confidence a little for the wedding...but we will be potentially talking about over 300 people instead of just 100;)
The graduation really touched me. Everyone who came to celebrate with us was so wonderful. All of her home school basketball team friends who came was so thoughtful - especially since she didn't even play this year. I was thankful for the warm weather so that we could wheel my mother in law down from and back the nursing home so she could participate too. Thankfully the nursing home is only 6 blocks away:)
Probably the most touching part of the party for me were the 5 women who sacrificed their Saturday to cheerfully, thoughtfully, competently, and lovingly serve our family by doing the decorations and the food. I actually spent quite a bit of time that night thinking over why it touched me so much. I realized that in my life I have not had people who came around me and sacrificially served me. I am more used to people looking for excuses not to be involved, not caring about what I care about, making me feel guilty for asking for help, or making it clear that it is an obligation that they would rather not be a part of. Thus, I have such a hard time asking for help and tend to try to be an island unto myself (which I am being forced off of with current life situations). I was, and our family was totally blessed by these women. I am getting a bit sappy here so I will stop now:)
I did not let myself get too sentimental about this being Beautiful's graduation and that it means she is leaving soon. I figure that getting ready for the wedding and college will keep me occupied enough. However, come the wedding date I know I will be a total wreck. It is one thing to send her off to college when she will still depend on us and be home on weekends. It is another when we will be handing her off to permanently cleave to someone else... Sigh...I am getting emotional and need to stop this. I will miss her so incredibly much. But, we also could not have handed her over to a more worthy man who adores her. All will be well:)
Another good thing came out of the graduation party...Buddy, our hermit child, hates to have his picture taken...or be around crowds of people. When I made the big 4x3 foot collage of photos of Beautiful's life he remarked, "Huh, I guess I will have to start letting Mom take pictures of me or she won't have anything for my collage!" Yay! That means he is at least resigned to having some kind of celebration for his graduation lol!
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