The past 24 hours has been a bit surreal. We got a call on Thursday that they were sending a bunch of kids home for passes a week early due to several more positive covid tests. Rather than risk getting the kids exposed and having to cancel the first home passes in 10 months they opted to let parents come and get their children. Since Faith was discharging in a week, she just discharged a week early. And, yes - if you are reading between the lines, Grace is not home because she is one of the exposed kids. Praise God she has had 2 negative tests though so once their house quarantine is over we can bring her home for her visit (in theory).
We are so thankful for this week to transition home with Faith before Grace comes. We were concerned with how we were going to handle both of them coming at once and not being able to give both of them intentional time. They still get along, umm, very poorly.
We have had a lot of peace about Faith coming home. It is earlier than they wanted her to come home, but we believed and advocated for her to come home now.
Our first 24 hours has been- surreal. It is kind of like bringing home a child for the first time. You wonder what it will be like but when it happens it is so different. She is not the child she was 10 months ago. She has clearly gained much maturity, humility, confidence, self-awareness, other-awareness, genuineness, and...joy:) I have broken down crying several times just looking at her and being so happy she is actually here, or listening to her talk (she actually TALKS to us now!), or when SHE initiated a touch when she walked past me, and ESPECIALLY when she allowed me to hug her while I prayed for her last night.
It is truly a blessing to be able to hold your child while you are praying for her rather than praying from afar:) And to have her accept that hug:)
And the laughter and giggling? I tear up every time I hear it. Joy. She has joy. I don't know if I have ever, in the 12 years she has been with us, felt her be this happy and content.
Of course we have some transition awkwardness. Superman and JJ are not quite sure what to expect from her so are acting off. She has picked up on that and it makes her feel sad that they are uncomfortable with her. But, she is actually talking to us about her feelings. That is a first:) She is still getting used to being home vs in her structured environment - asking permission to go to her room for a sweatshirt or use the restroom. One time when she did it today while playing video games with Superman he looked at her weird then lightened the mood by saying, "no, you have to hold it in for the rest of your life!" Superman handles awkwardness with humor:) She thanked my husband and I for giving her the benefit of the doubt and not making her feel like she is coming home under a microscope. I thought that was a very insightful comment:)
Because we did not expect her to be home this week I did not take off of work (like I did next week). So, I am working 12-14 hour days 3 days this week and the other day I work all day until Superman's basketball game so I won't see her much:( She will hang out with my husband and help with the kitchen remodel lol! And get her room in order. Then Grace comes home on Friday.... Prayers for those days she is home are greatly appreciated. Grace made a bunch of bad decisions last week again. Every time I see the caller ID from her house on a day she is not set to call us I feel so sad... She gets so mad at herself for messing up but just doesn't stop. We keep trying to treat each of those calls with grace and forgiveness and unconditional love - but I am so sad for when she looks back on her life later after she gets it figured out and feels the shame and guilt of her choices. So many of the people I work with are so heavily laden with regret of their life choices... Grace has enough to overcome, she doesn't need that too. But, we can't make her choices for her. She is exactly where she needs to be to get the help she needs. We will keep praying:)
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