I feel like the frog that was put in a pot of water, the heat turned up making it hotter and hotter, and not knowing that I am slowing boiling to death. I am a person who, when I experience various somatic symptoms, will tell myself to just move forward. Even with my kiddos I will tell them they don't need a band aid unless the blood is actually running down their leg lol!
I have gone back and forth about what to share here because health is a personal issue (not like the other things I write about are not). But I have had quite a few people ask questions about what we have been doing differently so decided I wanted to be transparent in case others have the same issues. I wish I had known sooner to seek some answers - and where to go to get help.
When Grace left for a higher level of care 6 months ago I committed myself to be more intentional about healing mentally and physically. I knew that I was not feeling right. I went in for some basic blood work that all came back normal. I knew, though, that I was not feeling right and did not think it was "just" from the stress of dealing with...what we have dealt with the the past decade+.
Additionally, I was attending EMDR conferences that year after year kept talking about the negative impacts of stress and trauma on our physical health.
Here is a youtube video of how stress affects our body. less than 10 minutes but very informative!
Issues like cancer and auto-immune disorders when suppressing anger and other emotions (oh boy - there is a lot of repressing emotions when parenting kiddos with mental health issues!!!) I knew I was entering the fun time of life when my female body would be changing again and wanted to be as healthy as possible before that change happened. Also, I was trying to lose weight for years and despite my attempts at elimination diets to see if certain foods were affecting my pain and inflammation levels (that is one thing my blood work always showed - increased inflammation levels that I could not get down) and exercise with an aerobic workout (that would not increase my pain due to my herniated disk).
Here is a short video of how stress negatively affects the body. Many of the symptoms I was having are classic issues that someone has when they are chronically stressed.
Surprise! Our brain is also affected by stress and we have emotional and behavioral issues. Click there to see the short video about that.
Finally, the worst problem was my migraines. I have suffered from them for decades and was not able to ever figure out what made them better. I knew some things made them worse: eating out at restaurants caused them, dehydration, and sleep deprivation. (lol!!!!!!! Let me laugh a bit about not being able to fix sleep deprivation with a kiddo who still does (did) not sleep through the night at age 9 lol!!!!). I also figured out just last summer that when my kiddos were having allergy flare ups I was getting migraines - apparently I exhibit "seasonal allergies" not with a runny nose or congestion - but with a migraine. Yay me!
Additionally, I was attending EMDR conferences that year after year kept talking about the negative impacts of stress and trauma on our physical health.
Here is a youtube video of how stress affects our body. less than 10 minutes but very informative!
Issues like cancer and auto-immune disorders when suppressing anger and other emotions (oh boy - there is a lot of repressing emotions when parenting kiddos with mental health issues!!!) I knew I was entering the fun time of life when my female body would be changing again and wanted to be as healthy as possible before that change happened. Also, I was trying to lose weight for years and despite my attempts at elimination diets to see if certain foods were affecting my pain and inflammation levels (that is one thing my blood work always showed - increased inflammation levels that I could not get down) and exercise with an aerobic workout (that would not increase my pain due to my herniated disk).
Here is a short video of how stress negatively affects the body. Many of the symptoms I was having are classic issues that someone has when they are chronically stressed.
Surprise! Our brain is also affected by stress and we have emotional and behavioral issues. Click there to see the short video about that.
Finally, the worst problem was my migraines. I have suffered from them for decades and was not able to ever figure out what made them better. I knew some things made them worse: eating out at restaurants caused them, dehydration, and sleep deprivation. (lol!!!!!!! Let me laugh a bit about not being able to fix sleep deprivation with a kiddo who still does (did) not sleep through the night at age 9 lol!!!!). I also figured out just last summer that when my kiddos were having allergy flare ups I was getting migraines - apparently I exhibit "seasonal allergies" not with a runny nose or congestion - but with a migraine. Yay me!
I talked to a friend who is retired but did homeopath work. She suggested a holistic provider that has a doctorate as a Nurse Practitioner. I had other people tell me about their more holistic providers and decided to take the chance. I was reluctant for 2 reasons. First, I always put others first and did not think I could afford the money or time to take care of me when I had so many other people to take care of right now. I talked myself out of that illogical reasoning. Second, I know that there are as many opinions as there are providers. How did I know this person would know what she was talking about? How did I know she would be right? I knew this person would use blood work to back up her theories on what was going on and not just listen to some symptoms and suggest some supplements. So...I made the appt. It was nerve wracking. I second guessed myself a lot. What if I spent a bunch of money on weird supplements and nothing got better? What if she told me I had to go dance in a circle and pat my head and sing some weird camp song? Ok, that is a bit mean - but while I tend to seek out chiropractic and home remedies for issues I still was worried this option would be "too weird." Yet, I went.
When I got to the office I was glad that my husband had dropped me off as it was "weird" and I may have walked out. I had to remind myself that I ask people to trust me with the "weird" therapy of EMDR even though it is not "traditional" therapy and yet is extremely effective and efficient. I had taken the past 6 years of my blood work results with me. I met with her and for an hour she went through my history but mostly my blood work. After looking at the patterns she said she thought I had x, y, and z that I had never heard of in my life and said she was going to do more specific blood work - then to come back in 3 weeks for the results (Christmas and New Years were in there so I couldn't go back sooner). She did send me home with quite a lot of supplements based on her theories at that time lol!
I went home determined to make some changes in exercise and diet that she recommended in addition to taking the supplements. It was so freeing to have someone hear me about how I was feeling and have some tentative answers about that (pending blood test results). It was also scary. I sat pretty stunned and overwhelmed the whole time and in hindsight had to remind myself that it may be how people feel when they sit in my office and I use psychological jargon to describe what is going on. I vowed to try to be better about that!!
The most immediate change I noticed was the absence of the migraines. If nothing else the experience was worth it for that!!!!! She also told me to be consistently exercising. I was already exercising 3-4 days a week, but determined to do it 7 days a week. I had gotten my first iwatch a few weeks before that and it told me how many steps I was taking a day so I used it as my motivator to stay on track. I have only had 5 days since December 5 when I have not met my exercise goals. Those were days I worked 14+ hours and just couldn't find the energy to do so.
I got a migraine on Christmas Day and on January 3. Both of those days we had visits with Grace. I know that the stress of seeing her contributed to the migraines:(
January 9 I went back and got the blood test results. She spent 90 minutes explaining my blood work to my husband and I. It was both very scary and relieving to have answers. I have a bunch of crazy stuff going on that we are working on correcting. I will explain some of them.
First - I tested very high for Epstein-Barr Virus (EBV). I did not know what it was but it is the virus that causes Mono. I have never been diagnosed with Mono but looking back about 17 years ago I realize that there was a period of time when I met criteria for Mono but (of course) did not go to the physician. I always thought that Mono was a "one and done" kind of illness but...I was wrong.
I also have Hashimoto's - which is a thyroid issue. Add in there some issues with how my liver and pancreas are functioning... and other issues... and I was pretty shell shocked.
So, she (wait for it) added more supplements lol! (There are tinctures for the EBV and detox, and supplements like magnesium, adrenal support, probiotics, and things like that). Not many more on the 2nd visit though considering the first time around she suspected the problems and sent me home with what she thought I needed. BUT...she also told me that I had to eliminate dairy and gluten to decrease my chronically high inflammation numbers (that directly affect my pain levels), increase my exercise (I now run for 5 miles (according to my iwatch) every morning on my little 3 foot trampoline as I can't run outside and the trampoline makes the impact easier on my knees and back), and...the worst...do intermittent fasting. Yet another concept I had never heard of. Essentially I am currently at the point where I shouldn't eat between 8 p.m. and 1 p.m. It isn't too bad at this point but it sure was hard to get to this point! What probably floored me the most was that I had a very bad UTI. With none of the typical symptoms. I have had UTI's since I was 6 weeks old and I KNOW how they feel and how horrible they are. Yet, I had none of the typical symptoms. When I took the antibiotic my back pain due to my herniated disk that is ALWAYS present went away within a day!! I am now super paranoid about germs and any little symptom that makes me think I may have another UTI. It has really messed with my head lol! The back pain is back (not as bad) and mostly it is how I sit at work that exacerbates it (switching to working at home has been very bad for it. I spent two weeks figuring out a chair/desk situation that didn't leave me in terrible pain all night but I think I figured it out:) So super cleaning went into place in our house 2 months before this pandemic hit...
So... have her suggestions helped?
Yes!!!! Or else I would not still be doing it lol! I have lost 15 lbs in just over 3 months. I very rarely have migraines (aside from the 2 I mentioned above I did not have any until this past week - when we started having warm weather so we could walk outside and it is - yep - allergy season!! Thankfully allergy meds are taking care of them). I am SLEEPING!!!!! Oh glorious sleep! So many years of not sleeping - it feels great! Part of that is JJ is finally feeling safe enough in our home that he is sleeping through the night. In the past 4 months I think he has only woke us up a handful of times with nightmares. I am so happy!! But even if he wasn't waking us up I was not sleeping well, and now I am:) The mental fog is also so much better. To be able to concentrate, focus, and be motivated to do things feels so incredibly good! I still have bad days - but they are only a few days a month now instead of almost every day. I feel more mellow, less stressed, less depressed, and just...better:) I am even socializing and getting together with friends!!!! Well, I did a few times before the pandemic anyway. Usually I only got together with 1 person maybe twice a year- it just took too much effort.
I am feeling so much better that my doctor-phobic husband even set up an appointment to go. He also has EBV and other issues that are negatively impacting him (or negatively interact with his diabetes- diagnosed in 2012). We are trying to keep him has healthy as possible for as long as possible. He turned 48 this year and 3 of his 4 maternal uncles had heart attacks by age 50 (!!!!!!). So, he is motivated to live a little longer since I informed him I cannot raise these kids by myself lol! His improvement has not been as marked as mine - his pain levels and sleep are significantly improved but other issues are not (issues which seem to be secondary to the diabetes). He has only been doing these changes for a month though and I have been doing it almost 4 months.
So, like that frog in the pot of boiling water, I did not even know how bad things had gotten. I probably would have gone even longer without getting help but felt the strong nudges by numerous people around me talking about the negative effects of stress on the body and urgency of not wanting to have things get to the point of irreparable harm before I acted. I figure that even if all I can do is manage (and not cure) the issues I having going on- making the lifestyle changes that I have is still better for me in the long run:) I stepped outside of my comfort zone, got help, and it has been a good choice:)
I went home determined to make some changes in exercise and diet that she recommended in addition to taking the supplements. It was so freeing to have someone hear me about how I was feeling and have some tentative answers about that (pending blood test results). It was also scary. I sat pretty stunned and overwhelmed the whole time and in hindsight had to remind myself that it may be how people feel when they sit in my office and I use psychological jargon to describe what is going on. I vowed to try to be better about that!!
The most immediate change I noticed was the absence of the migraines. If nothing else the experience was worth it for that!!!!! She also told me to be consistently exercising. I was already exercising 3-4 days a week, but determined to do it 7 days a week. I had gotten my first iwatch a few weeks before that and it told me how many steps I was taking a day so I used it as my motivator to stay on track. I have only had 5 days since December 5 when I have not met my exercise goals. Those were days I worked 14+ hours and just couldn't find the energy to do so.
I got a migraine on Christmas Day and on January 3. Both of those days we had visits with Grace. I know that the stress of seeing her contributed to the migraines:(
January 9 I went back and got the blood test results. She spent 90 minutes explaining my blood work to my husband and I. It was both very scary and relieving to have answers. I have a bunch of crazy stuff going on that we are working on correcting. I will explain some of them.
First - I tested very high for Epstein-Barr Virus (EBV). I did not know what it was but it is the virus that causes Mono. I have never been diagnosed with Mono but looking back about 17 years ago I realize that there was a period of time when I met criteria for Mono but (of course) did not go to the physician. I always thought that Mono was a "one and done" kind of illness but...I was wrong.
I also have Hashimoto's - which is a thyroid issue. Add in there some issues with how my liver and pancreas are functioning... and other issues... and I was pretty shell shocked.
So, she (wait for it) added more supplements lol! (There are tinctures for the EBV and detox, and supplements like magnesium, adrenal support, probiotics, and things like that). Not many more on the 2nd visit though considering the first time around she suspected the problems and sent me home with what she thought I needed. BUT...she also told me that I had to eliminate dairy and gluten to decrease my chronically high inflammation numbers (that directly affect my pain levels), increase my exercise (I now run for 5 miles (according to my iwatch) every morning on my little 3 foot trampoline as I can't run outside and the trampoline makes the impact easier on my knees and back), and...the worst...do intermittent fasting. Yet another concept I had never heard of. Essentially I am currently at the point where I shouldn't eat between 8 p.m. and 1 p.m. It isn't too bad at this point but it sure was hard to get to this point! What probably floored me the most was that I had a very bad UTI. With none of the typical symptoms. I have had UTI's since I was 6 weeks old and I KNOW how they feel and how horrible they are. Yet, I had none of the typical symptoms. When I took the antibiotic my back pain due to my herniated disk that is ALWAYS present went away within a day!! I am now super paranoid about germs and any little symptom that makes me think I may have another UTI. It has really messed with my head lol! The back pain is back (not as bad) and mostly it is how I sit at work that exacerbates it (switching to working at home has been very bad for it. I spent two weeks figuring out a chair/desk situation that didn't leave me in terrible pain all night but I think I figured it out:) So super cleaning went into place in our house 2 months before this pandemic hit...
So... have her suggestions helped?
Yes!!!! Or else I would not still be doing it lol! I have lost 15 lbs in just over 3 months. I very rarely have migraines (aside from the 2 I mentioned above I did not have any until this past week - when we started having warm weather so we could walk outside and it is - yep - allergy season!! Thankfully allergy meds are taking care of them). I am SLEEPING!!!!! Oh glorious sleep! So many years of not sleeping - it feels great! Part of that is JJ is finally feeling safe enough in our home that he is sleeping through the night. In the past 4 months I think he has only woke us up a handful of times with nightmares. I am so happy!! But even if he wasn't waking us up I was not sleeping well, and now I am:) The mental fog is also so much better. To be able to concentrate, focus, and be motivated to do things feels so incredibly good! I still have bad days - but they are only a few days a month now instead of almost every day. I feel more mellow, less stressed, less depressed, and just...better:) I am even socializing and getting together with friends!!!! Well, I did a few times before the pandemic anyway. Usually I only got together with 1 person maybe twice a year- it just took too much effort.
I am feeling so much better that my doctor-phobic husband even set up an appointment to go. He also has EBV and other issues that are negatively impacting him (or negatively interact with his diabetes- diagnosed in 2012). We are trying to keep him has healthy as possible for as long as possible. He turned 48 this year and 3 of his 4 maternal uncles had heart attacks by age 50 (!!!!!!). So, he is motivated to live a little longer since I informed him I cannot raise these kids by myself lol! His improvement has not been as marked as mine - his pain levels and sleep are significantly improved but other issues are not (issues which seem to be secondary to the diabetes). He has only been doing these changes for a month though and I have been doing it almost 4 months.
So, like that frog in the pot of boiling water, I did not even know how bad things had gotten. I probably would have gone even longer without getting help but felt the strong nudges by numerous people around me talking about the negative effects of stress on the body and urgency of not wanting to have things get to the point of irreparable harm before I acted. I figure that even if all I can do is manage (and not cure) the issues I having going on- making the lifestyle changes that I have is still better for me in the long run:) I stepped outside of my comfort zone, got help, and it has been a good choice:)
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