https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RKbX3I4ZJQ8
As those of you who follow our life know, much of 2015 had a lot of ups and downs. We started with the wedding planning in January (they got engaged 12/15/2014 on their 2 year anniversary of dating) with finding the perfect dress. It was a very emotional experience for me and I cried when she put on the one she ended up choosing. It was perfect for her - add the veil and I was lost.
One of the days we went to buy the flowers and other decorations I also realized that I had to put on a GRADUATION PARTY in less than a month! I had totally overlooked that in light of the upcoming wedding. I am so thankful for our amazing friend who planned the decorating and I was just along for the ride. We did manage to have a nice graduation party on May 2. That was also Buddy's birthday so we had graduation cake for her and birthday cake for him.
It was also nice that my husband's mother was able to be there. She lived in a nursing home 6 blocks away so my husband wheeled her in her wheelchair to the church for the party and she got to enjoy seeing everyone and being a part of it. That was very special to us as later in the month her health deteriorated to the point that she passed away on 7/15/2015. My mother and sister also came down for the graduation.
By the end of May my mother in law was in the hospital and we were pretty sure that she would not make it. We did as much planning for the wedding as we could while also dealing with her being so sick and making difficult decisions. Everything that we did at that time I was realizing that I was doing it for the last time with Beautiful. At times I could remain matter of fact. Other times it was too emotional for me so I just tried to keep it matter of fact. I am so thankful for the many, many people who helped with the wedding. I could have been overwhelmed with anxiety but I know that so many people were praying for us along with coming aside us to help.
A couple of those "last" moments with Beautiful were going out with her on my husband's and my 20th anniversary, and taking the whole family for our "birthday party" at The Pizza Machine (we do one joint big party celebration with essentially just family rather than have a bunch of separate parties. Since most of the kids are within 2 months of each other it just works better that way;)
We could not have pulled off the wedding without the help of so many people. It also would not have gone as smoothly without Beautiful being as flexible as she was. She is the Pinterest queen and looked up thousands of ideas and ran them past us and our friend who helped. Our friend also had ideas and they came up with what was such a beautiful wedding - simple and beautiful.
Women in our church and my son-in-law's church put on very precious and sweet wedding showers for her. It melted my heart to see these other woman loving on her and supporting her. It has been hard at times because some people have not agreed with our allowing Beautiful to marry at age 18. We know that more people "thought" it than actually confronted us. But we had peace that we made the right decision, and continue to have that peace. We did a lot of praying about it ahead of time, consulted with quite a few pastors, had many people praying, and finally decided that this was the right path for them. Besides that, only in our state do people have to wait for age 19 before they can marry without parental consent. Beautiful and our son-in-law were gracious enough to include us integrally in this important decision rather than just running off and eloping (not that they would have).
Actually, I will go on a bunny trail here...I really REALLY tried to get them to have a destination wedding. I REALLY tried. But, they wanted to marry in our church with their friends and family around them. So that is what we did...and boy were there friends and family around them!
So...lets get back to my biggest anxiety about the entire wedding...the guest list. We knew that very few of my husband's and my family would likely travel all the way here (we are the only ones from our family in this state). However, we have a lot of church family. Our home school family includes many from our son-in-laws home school family too since we are in the same "group" together. But his family and friends of family are extensive. By the time we narrowed down the list over 550 people were invited. We were pretty sure that the church would hold no more than 350 - and that was if they were squeezed in. We had over 300 people RSVP that they were coming. My husband had one family member come (his brother) and I had 8. We had to laugh that that was the same amount as our immediate family (now including our son in law) lol! After the wedding we figured out the total number of people who came was...350. Praise the Lord that He knew how many we could accommodate and had just the right number come! In fact, there were 12 people who RSVP'd to come but were not able to as they had to attend a funeral at the same time as the wedding - if they had come there were have been people standing. So, I was right to be anxious about the guest list and how we would accommodate everyone, and am so thankful that God took care of it:) Believe it or not, even with the huge guest list, there were people that were not on the list that we debated about. We did not want anyone to feel left out. However, we obviously could not have accommodate any more so it was all it is was supposed to be.
Planning for the reception was another ordeal. The church could not hold 350 for the reception so we rented the old high school gym in town. Not the most beautiful location but the women who helped decorate it made it a perfect location for us. We had decided that it would cost us too much to do a full meal for 350 people so we did a dessert reception (hey, that is simply the reality of it). We went back and forth for months on what exactly to serve but in the end I think it was fine. We decided that instead of a buffet line to pick up deserts that we would decorate each individual table using the food as part of the decoration. So we incorporated wood, candles, lights, platters, baby's breath and the nuts, cupcakes, and meat/cheese plates. When we came up with that plan I had neglected to think about the reality that I would have to buy several platters for every single table...but it all worked out beautifully. There were not many leftovers and our family had them (except the cupcakes) gone within a couple of days lol! I can't do justice to how beautiful the decorations that Beautiful and our friend came up with at the reception and the church so here are just a few pics:
I did not have many ideas for the wedding, but my contributions were, I think, kind of fun. I had suggested that since they had a camouflage and hunting theme for the wedding that we use a boat for the beverages. We filled the boat with water and soda so people could take what they wanted and it would expedite the beverage process. Trying to get 350 people through a line for coffee or punch seemed...daunting. Also, I had suggested that when they lit the unity candles that we had candles lit on the alter that symbolized each of our families - 8 coral candles for our family and 5 white candles for my son in law's family. His mother gave them the unity candle which was very special:) I also thought that the guest book would be more fun (and practical) if it was a photo album of their engagement pictures:) So, there you have it, my THREE idea contributions to the entire wedding lol! Believe me, it is a good thing that those are all I came up with...I am not gifted in decorating...or hostessing...or organizing a party...or anything at all that is associated with a wedding. Anyway, I have seen a picture of the whole wedding cake area but can't seem to find it. My friend did a FABULOUS job on it. I am bummed I cannot find that picture (or a picture of an entirely decorated table:(
Ok, now for the hardest part of the post (can you tell I put it off for last?) The Wedding.
I thought that I had planned for most aspects of the wedding preparation. However, I did not plan well for the morning of the wedding. My husband was busy doing last minute running around while trying to get items where they needed to be. That left me trying to get 4 children plus myself ready. See where this is going? I was not able to be there for Beautiful to get her dressed and made up. We had a personal attendant for her (who thought of a ton of things that I did not, she was invaluable!) and people to do hair and makeup. But I wasn't able to be that person. Then, I was not really part of the pictures of her. The pictures turned out beautifully but I will admit that even in that morning God was whispering to me that this was how it should be...the wedding was hers, they were her pictures, and it was her life that was separating from mine. No longer was she mine. Man, I am crying just thinking about it. I thought that waiting 6 months would help but I guess not. It is a difficult choice to hand your first-born over to her husband - no matter how worthy he is. It is especially hard when she is only 18, had just graduated, and is also heading off to college. All of those "degrees of separation" happened simultaneously.
I have to smile at how God knows the hurts of my heart though and meets me where I am at. Literally as I was typing those sentences Beautiful texted me "Missing you. How are you?" The last 6 months have shown me that she is as tightly woven into our family as ever. We text almost every day (usually several times) and we see each other often (in fact, this is the first weekend they aren't here since the beginning of November). I could go on and on about how I have tried to find the balance between being an involved mom who adores my daughter and son-in-law while fighting hard to know where the "line" is that should not be crossed between giving "advice" and "taking over." Maybe I will understand that dynamic before kid #6 marries off lol! But...that is not the point of this blog post so I won't bunny trail that far off:)
Back to the day of the wedding. In one word it was chaos. We had an overall plan and I believe, in hindsight, that the overall plan went over well. There were so many pieces that had to be adjusted and I think God brought us through those. Just some of those were: my mother in law dying 3 weeks before the wedding. She passed away on 7/15, the next day we drove to our daughter's college to get her partially moved and deal with some things at the college, the Middles went to camp the following Sunday - Friday. Wednesday of that week on 7/22 was my husband's and my 20th anniversary. Beautiful went with us to Omaha for a very fun night out to celebrate our last big outing with her as a single woman. The following Wednesday we had an emotional Memorial Service for my mother in law led by the pastor who did all of the pre-marital counseling for Beautiful and her husband. The next morning we moved more items in to our daughter's rental house then continued on to my husband's home town with his mother ashes so that the next morning he could lead a grave side service and bury her ashes. We drove home that day (Friday). Sunday the pastor who had been working with Beautiful and our son in law went to the hospital and had to have brain surgery a few days later (he almost died and we are VERY thankful for his life!) but that meant we had to find another pastor ASAP and our senior pastor was on the east coast on vacation. So...Praise the Lord there is another pastor in our church who had left his church about a year ago I think to come home and farm. He agreed to do the wedding, met with everyone, and did an amazing job with the ceremony. So, so, SO blessed by him! Oh, and somewhere in there the person who was supposed to do all of the hair had to back out as her boss would not let her out of work and we could not find any replacements so we had to find non-professionals to do hair. I did not like my hair for the wedding, but in the grand scheme of everything else that happened, my hair was incredibly minor lol!
The ceremony was so beautiful. It was God-Centered. It was real. It was emotional. All through the wedding preparations I just kept repeating 2 things to myself through all of my anxiety - "As long as God is honored and at the end of it they are married that is all that matters." I very much felt that God was honored in it, and clearly they are married:)
Some of the most memorable moments for me (and not in any particular order):
*All of the parents/grandparents/wedding party circled around our daughter and her almost-husband praying over them before the ceremony.
* we parents praying over them during the candle lighting song
*worshiping during the ceremony
*seeing our son in law adore and love our beloved daughter
*my father walking me down the isle just like 20 years ago:)
*watching my daughter and her husband walk through the haze of bubbles to the truck.
*watching them have their first dance.
*holding my husband's hand tightly while we watched our daughter make her vows to her husband.
*watching so many people come to watch our little girl get married! I was blessed beyond words at the sheer number of people who took the time to witness their special day!
*watching how many people helped us, took over when we gave just an idea, and totally served our family and guests with their talents and love for our family. (Including the people who helped with the clean up. I did not sufficiently plan for that aspect either - thinking my husband had taken care of it. It did all get done that night though so that is a major blessing:) It was deeply humbling as I am a "do it yourself" person and this wedding stretched me so far beyond any of my capabilities. It was awkward to let so many people help us knowing that I would never be able to thank them all sufficiently but it was also a good learning experience for me.
*being very VERY thankful that there were enough chairs at the church for everyone to sit in (after my initial shock of walking in at the beginning and seeing SO MANY PEOPLE!!!!), chairs/tables for everyone at the reception (I don't think there were many extra chairs there, I know there were no empty tables), and that there was enough food/beverages for everyone.
*walking into the reception area and seeing how incredibly beautifully everyone had setup the tables and the area.
There were also things that did not go as we had hoped/planned, but I refuse to dwell on them and hopefully those details will vacate my brain as if they never happened lol!
So...the days after the wedding...I don't mean to end this walk down memory lane with a downer but...it was tough on me! It was as if all of our prayer warriors had prayed us hard through the wedding and then the protection was lifted. I spent 3 days practically not sleeping and filled with overwhelming anxiety. I would fall asleep, dream I was back at the wedding and things were not going well, wake myself up and keep repeating (it is OVER it is OVER it is OVER). For some reason one of the major things that kept going through my head that I could not get rid of that is so utterly ridiculous that I don't know why that is what was stuck in my head was...I am embarrassed to actually say...was that I looked fat in my dress. I just shake my head it. I actually loved my dress. It thought it was a beautiful dress (I did not pick it out but had a blast with Beautiful and our friend dress shopping when they chose it for me lol!). I also worried that I did not thank someone, I was dismissive to someone, I didn't greet someone, etc. It was such a blur all day that I worried that I offended someone (many people) in some way, shape, or form. I was so sick over it all being over and imagining that something went wrong and that dress thought going through my head that I was anxious to the point of being very nauseated. It went away after 3 nights but it was intense. No logic to it, but I guess that is the hallmark of anxiety, right?
Anyway, Beautiful and her husband spent a fabulous week in Estes Park, CO and sent us lots of texts and funny videos of themselves hiking. Then they returned and the next Monday we had his family up for the day to open gifts. It was also JJ's 5th birthday AND our son in law's grandparents anniversary! so we had cake for that as well. I did not take any time off for the wedding and in hind sight I should have. Sigh... I just kept thinking about how much it cost to put it on and knew that I could not afford to take a week off lol!
So, that is a very loooong winded description of the thoughts of this mamma about her first-born daughter's wedding:) Real, raw, and honest:)
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