Grace has been home a month:) For the most part it has gone well. With her having been gone for 21 months the transition back home has gone well in a lot of ways. She is working to prove herself and her efforts appear sincere. We are hesitant - mostly because Faith had told us she had made authentic change and obviously had not - but fundamentally she is very different than she was before.
The biggest change is that she appears to be genuinely saved. She had said she was many times before, but she now bears fruit that is consistent. She has been teachable instead of rebellious. Is it perfect? No way. But no situation is:) The real test will be when she starts school in 12 days. School is extremely stressful for her. She left in Middle School and is coming back in High School so the stress will be greater. Her ADHD will always be with her so that affects her learning in significant ways.
Add to that that she is having bunion surgery in 2 days. Yes, bunion surgery. I thought that was something older people dealt with but apparently it is a genetic condition. So, she gets to start school with a surgical boot and metal pin sticking out of her foot holding in place the toe that will be broken and moved. Sounds gross doesn't it.
Prayers for her surgery, healing, and transitioning to school are very greatly appreciated.
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I have talked before about how the past 15 years have been a significant struggle in raising kids from trauma. It has affected my health and my friendships in negative ways. I have been seeking answers for health issues for the past 21 months since Grace left and I actually had time to put into my own health. I had first been diagnosed with Epstein-Barr. That treatment dramatically reduced the frequency of the migraines that I had been experiencing of at least 20 days a month most months of the year for 20 years. However, I was also having other symptoms that suggested that more was going on. I had an ANA Cascade (auto immune disorder test) that thankfully came back negative. But then I had a vector-borne test and discovered that I tested positive for Lyme Disease. I have been reeling a bit since I got that news. Especially since my idea of being outside - other than hikes- is to have the windows open (lol!) so how did I get it? On the one hand it is very validating to know that there is a legitimate reason that I feel the way I do. On the other hand, well, I have Lyme Disease. So now treatment begins. There must be 100 different opinions on how to treat Lyme. I am moving forward with one of those and have been researching it a lot. I guess time will tell if the treatment makes a difference. Part of the treatment is to completely revamp my exercise routine (I started Yoga today...) and I am completely dairy and gluten free, low sugar, low sodium, etc. While that sounds daunting the reality is that for a long time all food I eat makes me feel sick so I actually feel better when I don't eat anyway. I have lost 7 lbs this month. I guess it is a good diet plan;) Silver linings are important!
But that also means that I don't have the energy or mental capacity to put into friendships. Again. There was a time a month ago that I had a terrible day and I just sat in my car and wished I had a friend - just one - that I could call and vent to. I have friends - but I have not been able to nurture those friendships over the years that I could call one on a whim and just vent. Usually my husband gets to be the one who hears all of my venting and ranting lol!!! He is such a saint to put up with me;) I ended up calling my brother who was thankfully willing to take my call and placate me. He is a good man. I am thankful for him (not just for listening to me vent:) ).
Today's sermon in church was about the importance of friendships in the body of Christ. I agree that they are very important. In my job I give out that advice all of the time. But when one is exhausted, in chronic pain, and just trying to get the next thing done it is hard to facilitate those friendships. I give 100% of my energy to my job and my family - and my family often gets left overs. I am hoping that this treatment will give me back some of that vitality that I would like to have. But they tell me I will feel worse before I feel better. As much as I love being self-employed, right now I wish I had a job that offered the option of FMLA so I could take a 3 month break and get healed. But, I can't so I will just keep putting one foot in front of the other and trust each of those steps to God while praying that He grants me healing:)
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