I have done a very poor job of updating. I have lots of things that I think about, but emotions have run high with all of the unknowns of the Rose situation so posting has not been high on my list of priorities. Now that we know that she is not going to return to us, it seems like moving forward with life has been on my mind more and updating my blog seems more fun:)
So...
JJ has been doing well. I think I will update by category to make it easier.
SLEEP:
One of the two biggest issues with JJ has been sleep. We are very happy that he has been sleeping most hours of the night for awhile. He used to go to sleep around midnight (give or take an hour) for many months. About a month ago he abruptly started to go to sleep earlier (between 7 and 9) more nights of the week than not. That has been a huge blessing. However, it also means that we wakes between 4 and 6...not so much fun. He does sleep in his own bed though (until he wakes in the morning). He is even learning a little about how to identify when he is tired and asking to sleep, sometimes:)
EATING:
I took JJ in to be weighed recently and he had gained 3 lbs in 3 months! His weight gain has been such a frustration for over 3 years that it has been great to see him actually eating and gaining weight. He prefers milk over juice or water - essentially refusing to drink either. He can finally drink from a regular cup without spilling. Getting him to drink at all was a struggle for years, and it worsened after we weaned from the bottle. I am glad that he finally will drink an entire glass of milk in one sitting again, like he used to do with a bottle. He does not like to eat breads or many sweets. He prefers things like chips and nacho cheese, sliced turkey, grape nuts (he will wake up at 4 a.m. and INSIST on eating a bowl of grape nuts), spaghetti, pizza, shrimp, fruit snacks, and those kinds of foods. It has been such a blessing to me that in the past few weeks he is finally asking for food. Before it was always us trying to get him to eat, or if we were eating he may try a few bites. He (unless it is 4 a.m.) does not like to eat when he first wakes up. In fact, if we travel in the mornings he will often become car sick if he has consumed anything at all. I suspect that he has some sensory/tummy ache issues that are chronic. Another goofy thing about his eating is that he hates his hands to get dirty. About 75% of the time he will say "you feed me??" Just today I was almost in tears when he said, "I hu gee. I wa a nack!" (I'm hungry, I want a snack). For him to initiate eating is incredible. He ended up eating almost 2 full bowls of grapes. I was delighted:)
SPEAKING:
JJ has quite a difficult time communicating. He jabbers on like crazy but most of the time we do not understand him. When Sport came at 36 months he had a huge vocabulary and excellent articulation. JJ is 39 months and struggles quite a lot. We pick up his meaning from context and his animation or pointing. Buddy did not speak until he was 3 either and does well now. I heard from JJ's birth mom yesterday who shared that JJ's full bio sister who is 11 months older than him has delays in speech as well, so probably we will need to get him evaluated and services.
JJ's speaking has been a source of much comedy in our home. Lately his favorite word is "why." It is amazing how many times the word "why" can be used in a day. I do not recall the other kids saying it this much. Perhaps because they had better vocabularies and could ask more detailed questions. Sometimes he will shake things up a bit and ask "where?"
Biological Mom:
Right before JJ turned 3 his Tummy Mommy asked that we not send pictures or updates anymore as it was too hard on her. We of course respected that. She then posted on JJ's fb page a picture of her and JJ's sister on her sister's birthday with a message to JJ. So...I decided to just put a picture up on JJ's fb page to see how the mom responded. She thankfully did send us a message and we were able to communicate a bit. It is so hard on her, yet she assures us that she knows she made the right decision. I will admit though that when she asked me to send her a picture of JJ in his Halloween costume I immediately panicked and tried to think of how to find a costume to get a picture for her (we do not observe Halloween). My husband then gently reminded me that I could just gently tell her that we do not observe Halloween and therefore there was not a picture, but to send another cute picture instead. I was surprised at my initial response and realized that I so want to have her approval as the continued "right choice" of being the mother to her child. Anyway, the responsibility of raising "another person's child" is always weighing heavily on my shoulders. The thought "what would their mom/dad/grandparent/etc think of xyz??" is usually lurking there somewhere, especially with JJ's mom as she chose us as opposed to "The State" choosing us with the other 3 adoptions (although in Grace's case her parents and grandparents did want us to adopt her after the initial placement was done by the state).
Biological Dad:
Bio mom has bio dad as a "friend" on fb. It is weird to see pictures of him and to hear his Bio mom and her friends post on pics of JJ that "he looks JUST like his dad!!!" At times I have such a need to try to contact him and make a connection for JJ's sake. I have asked his bio mom if that was OK and she never responds to that question. I also have so many fears of contacting him. What if he ends up not wanting to know JJ or wants to know him? There are so many implications on both sides that would be hard for JJ (of course there are good sides, but I seem to always default to the downside). I figure that the dad knows how to contact me and chooses not to (but maybe feels like he can't) and the bio mom won't say anything about it so I will just leave it alone for now. The dad is a chef though...so maybe that accounts for JJ's sensitive palate;)
POTTY TRAINING:
Unfortunately...still in training phase. This month marks 1 year since we started the process. Just like everything else with him it takes a long time. He has always known what to do in the bathroom, but never initiated it (kind of like eating). If we have had days with him in a pull up due to being gone he regresses (of course) so we will just continue to plod along. On good days he has no accidents (and most days only a few) so I know that it won't be too long.
THE NUK:
Sigh...He really wants that nuk. We take it away from him during the day and he chews on EVERYTHING else he can find. Today his shirt is drenched all the way to his waist due to him chewing on it. He was even chewing on MY shirt today. He has such a need to chew and chew. I have noticed that he is speaking a bit clearer and eating a bit more since we have taken the nuk during the day...possibly a coincidence...possibly not. He will find where he hide the nuk and either climb up on things to reach it, or use a long item (like a light saber) to knock it down and get it. Gotta give him points for creativity! He has become a bit more frustrated with us taking his nuk and he insists on having 2 of them when he goes to bed. Maybe he thinks he can stash one away and we won't notice;) He is such a card!
SHYNESS:
JJ continues to be very shy. He will cling to us in public (although as long as it is not nursery or Sunday School at church he feels comfortable enough to run crazy!) and always wants us to carry him. However, he has made some very good friends and it is fun to see his response to them. One of them is a teenage boy who frequents our home. JJ seems to think that he is there for JJ's express pleasure and asks about him almost every day. He will yell "my Edin!" when he sees him or talks about him and last weekend stood at the window watching the road for a long time waiting for him to come. He adores his friend:) We also had another couple stop by a bit from another country and JJ was very comfortable with him as well. I think that the frequency of us talking about them in our home perhaps has helped him feel safer. We do pray for them at every meal so he hears their names a lot lol! We have some other friends that watch him on occasion. He fights staying there but calms down soon after we leave so I think that is success:) Next goal...getting him to stay in Sunday School!
ALL BOY!
JJ is loud, boisterous, demanding, insistent, energetic, and fearless in settings where he feels safe. He will stand up on top of furniture and think nothing of jumping down into a pile of hard objects. He climbs up shelves and other places where he should not be. He creatively uses light sabers and other long objects to knock down high up objects that he wants. He LOVES to be outside and is very upset that it is curtailed with the cold weather. He wrestles aggressively and without a vocabulary to use to ask for what he wants/needs he tends to aggressively pursue it. That is the area we work with him the most about. He has older siblings who are "demanding" of his space and things. He has learned to not bow down to impulsive whims of others. That has been a good trait given some of our family dynamics. With that said, he also needs to constantly be taught that he cannot insist on satisfying his impulsive whims to the exclusion of others' needs/wants. Something that all of us can probably work on:)
COMIC RELIEF:
Probably the most defining part of JJ is his comic relief. All of the rest of us comment on how JJ makes us laugh, diverts difficult situations, and helps us to relax and see the joy in daily life again. So many dynamics exist in our home that include tension and stress. It is nice to have this child with a sense of humor and charming smile who eases the rough spots and helps bring us back to laughter:) He is a gift.
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